As a result of Labour's local election disaster, Gordon Brown has taken advice from his management team and announced a major reshuffle of his cabinet.
He has decided to move his pot of ballpoint pens to the right hand side and shift the files in the middle to the lower part of the cabinet. He is also removing three of the cut-glass tumblers on the lower shelf, together with his bottle of Famous Grouse (nicknamed 'Ruth Kelly') and his soda water from Morrisons. Out also go the flourescent marker pens and the metal paper clips which are being replaced with recycled plastic ones. He is doing away completely with copies of 'Hello', 'Take a Break' and 'Radio TImes' and will be placing them in the No 10 recycle bin, which is now only collected every 6 weeks due to his own cutbacks.
In an interview with a man from the BBC with a very loud tie, he stressed:
"Although I took advice on this from my team, I must stress that the majority of decisions were based on my experience as Chancer (sic) of the Exchequer.
"I moved the files from the middle of the cabinet to the lower shelf, as I felt access to them was not needed as much as, for example, my ballpoint pens, which I find are particularly useful should I need to write something.
"I hope this decision will revive the public's confidence in me that I can make decisions which effect the smooth running of cabinet in number 10."