New Bachelor Style Reality Series to Star Daniel Radcliffe

Funny story written by Throckmorton Turdblossom

Monday, 5 May 2008


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Sophie Jayne, one of the women trying to catch the eye of Radcliffe

A new reality series produced jointly by the BBC and CBS will feature Harry Potter actor Daniel Radcliffe in a Bachelor style format. Radcliffe will begin the series, to be titled "Me and My Stalkers" from a secluded castle on the coast of France. Co-stars will be 24 different women who have been arrested for stalking or harassment of the young actor.

As usual in this style of show, one girl will be sent home each week. However, being stalkers, they will usually manage to return. Speculation among producers is that the possible suitors for his heart will somehow kill or maim the rejected girls to keep them from being able to vie for Radcliffe's affections. Bettors thing that this may also happen to the more successful girls during the series.

The girl left standing at the end of the series will win a three week Greek Islands and Mediterranean cruise with Radcliffe in a honeymoon suite onboard the Pacific Princess (television's famous Love Boat).

Some of the young ladies competing for the heart and hand of Radcliffe include:

Sophie Jayne: A confused, overt, semi-illiterate school girl who has mailed "Radders" her panties every day since her 11th birthday. To date, she has posted over 90 stories on The Spoof website about their imagined affair.

Raleigh Snow: An American girl woman claims to have had sexual intercourse with Radcliffe every night in her dreams since the first Harry Potter movie was released. She is 82 and is under investigation for contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

Emma Watson: Daniel's co-star in the Harry Potter movies claims that "he says my tits aren't big enough, but I can sure give him a ride if he wanted to sneak into my dressing room." Besides, I work beside him every day, so I'm not really a stalker, just a co-star.

Joy Renee: Another American who decided that she would take Radcliffe since no European Princes wanted her. She may be even more illiterate than Sophie.

Katy Kangaroo: An Australian girl who claims that she was the mystery woman that exchanged eye contact with Daniel. Since she was in jail for flashing his plane as it landed in Sydney, this is doubtful.

Olive Outback: Another Australian who claims to be "the one." Olive carries around a Crocodile Dundee size knife and says that if she can't have Danny's private parts, no one can.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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