Tasers to be rebranded

Written by ScottThe Dot

Monday, 5 May 2008

image for Tasers to be rebranded
A highly trained Taser specialist

Thanks to a recent judicial ruling stating that death by Taser is due to 'excited delirium,' and not aving a million volts up your jacksie, Tasers are to be rebranded as 'Delirium Delivery Tools'

Logan Runn, a Taser expert, said "Delirium Delivery Tools (or DDT for short) will continue to provide the reliable delivery of premium delirium that clients have grown accustomed to. Testimonials from many, many people (of those that are still alive) who attest that Delirium Delivery Tools are their preferred method of incapacitation. Some of them were guilty too.'

'DDT is an effective non-lethal method of controlling the unruly. I have never heard of it being dangerous in the least,' he continued.

Police have killed over one hundred people with 'excited delirium' since Tasers were approved for general use. George Orwell could not be reached for comment.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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