Manchester Parade Off Thanks To Scots
Today Manchester City Council cancelled the traditional city-wide open-top bus parade through Manchester, for their European Champions League winners, Manchester United.
Read full storyWhoa Black Betty endorses Obama
"He be good for all us folks way down in Alabam" said the inspiration for the Ram Jam hit record. "I may be blind but I am rock steady in my support for Barack." she continued.
Read full storyThousands Don't Attend Old Kids' Comeback
Tens of thousands of New Yorkers didn't bother watching Old Kids On The Block's comeback today, as they performed again for the first time in 85 years.
Read full storyWoman in late 40s mugged because she walks too slow
Ms Fart Laydee a woman in her late 40s claims to have been mugged by 5 youngsters simply because she walks too slow (by their standards).
Read full storyCup Victory Predicted For Queen Of The South
Speaking from his luxury house in Govan, Rangers manager Walter Miffed predicted that Queen of the South would win this year's Scottish Cup.
Read full storyNew Kids on the Block reform
The product of a scientific experiment that went horrifically wrong, New Kids on the Block the five headed mutant organism, today reformed in New York prompting speculation about a mutant invasion.
Read full storyRangers riot: was Burma involved?
The riots that occurred directly after the Glasgow Rangers/Zenit St Petersburg UEFA Cup Final on Wednesday night have been blamed on the actions on Burma's military junta. Already a world pariah for not allowing blue-eyed westerners to come into...
Read full storyBush Declares Obama Stance On Hummus: "Simply Misguided"
(Jerusalem-Israel) Republican strategists have to be hoping that President Bush is just assuming the role once played by Casey Stengel or at least is a fan of Norm Crosby.
Read full storyBrown Hates The Bee Gees
A Downing Street spokeswoman, Miss Asa Loo Mseeker, said: 'Yes, Mr. Brown hates the Bee Gees, and says that they make him sick, and want to vomit on the carpet.' And Reichschancellor Alistair Goering added: 'We're raising taxes on CDs...
Read full storyBritney to give young parents tips on child care
It emerged yesterday that Britney Speares is publishing s book on child caring.
Read full storyGolf Industry Condemns Bush Iraq Policy
Belle Aire - The golf world condemned George Bush's claim that he gave up golf to help our troops in Iraq.
Read full storyObama Related to Osama
Pastor Wright came before a press conference in Dallas today, to describe in greater detail his relationship with Senator Obama. Meaning well, he told of their more intimate times spent together, speaking of religion, government, and the middle east.
Read full storyCherie Blair To Be Deported
In a surprise move, Mrs. Cherie Blair, famous for being the richest woman in Britain, will be deported to France, a Home Office spokescat announced.
Read full storyManchester United launch massive spending spree
In an attempt to protect themselves from Real Madrid's aggressive moves to sign star striker Christiano Ronaldo for a reported £1Trillion, Manchester United are looking to kick-off a spending spr...
Read full storyBudget airline's light-as-air plane cuts CO2 output
This is the passenger plane experts say could help the aviation industry become green.
Read full storyCat Coughs In Scotland
Shock news came in today from Kirkcaldy - pronounced Keerkeidlemeisterhofney - in Fife, Scotland, that a cat had coughed in a street there. Reporters from BBC Scotland and STV rushed into the town, and soon hundreds of local residents were being...
Read full storyFatwah Declared on Human Resources
A disaffected former employee of Rolls Royce, forced out of his job by a dysfunctional HR manager who blamed no golfing partner to play or cheese and wine function to attend, has set up a world-wide organisation to fight for the world-wide banning of...
Read full storyNational Audit Office (NAO) to query what it is they themselves actually do
The National Audit Office (NAO) are tendering for a research company to find out exactly what it is they do.
Read full storyAn Article from Tara Palmer Dumbkinson, so Sadly Missed at the Sunday Times
I raised myself from my Gucci bed and looked out of my tinted windows (from Dolland and Aitcheson) at my beautiful Mazda car (from Acme Cars on King's Road in Chelsea) this morning. I was going to take a shower by walking in my Jimmi Choo slippers into the bathroom, but thought I'd wait for my new bestest friend, Lewis Hamilton to give me a lift.
Read full storyGreetings to all from George Galloway
As no one has had the common decency and anger to mention George Galloway recently, I obtained permission to post the following report which appeared in both Exchange and Mart and The 2008 Brownie Annual.
Read full storyDambusters Anniversary Flypast
In a moving tribute to legendary RAF 617 Squadron - the 'Dambusters' - a decrepit old Lancaster bomber just managed to drag itself across the sky for a few minutes today. Flying this rustbucket was none other than Jimmy 'Jollygoodshow'...
Read full storyWindows XP Price Raised To $100
Microsoft founder and milker, Bill Gates, today announced that his company was raising the price of Windows XP to $100.
Read full storyDenis Wise - Is he alive?
TV Presenter, Producer, Writer and friend of comedian, Dave Gorman, spectacled wearing Danny Wallace is to present a new edition of his popular Sky programme 'Conspiracies'.
Read full storyMcCain Sees Troops Coming Home by 1945
Senator John McCain declared on Thursday that most American troops will be home from Europe by Christmas 1945 and that France will soon be a functioning democracy with only "spasmodic'' episodes of goose-stepping and pro-Vichy gr...
Read full storyGospel of Peter found in Jerusalem
The Gospel of Peter has been discovered on a building site in Jerusalem, and already authenticated and carbon dated to the time of Jesus, it is being touted as the most significant religious find in the last 2,000 years
Read full storyIt Doesn't Get Much Better Than This!
If you were folically challenged, overweight, and specky, with no job, no social life, you'd think you'd just take a handful of pills, but not Hector Bracegirdle (58), who has managed to scoop the coveted, 'Worst Comedian Of The Year Awar...
Read full storyAbba Pledge On Israeli Catastrophe
Speaking from peace-loving Stockholm, Swedish singer and explosives manufacturer Benny Bjeardie, of Abba, made a surprising claim about the state of Israel.
Read full storyHadrian's Wall To Be Made Higher, Stronger To Keep Scots Out
Hadrian's Wall, the structure built by the Romans to keep Scottish people from encroaching into England, is to be fortified at a cost of £28billion of taxpayers' money - money, says the government, that would be "well spent". The Wall, built in AD…
Read full storyFor Sale: Manchester City Football Club
It might be the wrong time to buy property, but how about a football club? Manchester City owner Thaksin Shinawatra has today put the club up for sale, with several of City's heroes from bygone t...
Read full storyBush Falls Off His Bike In Saudi Arabia
President George 'Intelligent' Bush today fell of his bike in Saudi Arabia.
Read full storyMassive nuclear plant explosion triggered Chinese quake says Dalai Lama
Tibet - (Sabotage Mess): Sources close to the Dalai Llama say that Tibetan freedom fighters may have triggered a huge subterranean nuclear explosion that caused Monday's devastating earthquake in Sichuan Provice.
Read full storyMadonna To Be The New Pope
In a surprise move, pop star and all-round girl-you-wished-wasn't-next door Madonna is to become the new Pope.
Read full storyHillary Clinton Declares Victory: I Have Won!
West VA - Speaking to a small town in West Virginia yesterday. Hillary Clinton declared herself the victor in the race for the Democratic nomination and called upon Barrack Obama to concede.
Read full storyPentagon blames Chinese astrology as quake obliterates nuclear weapons factories
Beijing - (Cosmic Mess): The Pentagon has blamed giant fissures in traditional Chinese astrological thinking for the obliteration of key underground nuclear weapons factories in Sichuan Province.
Read full storyEmperor Ming denies responsibility for world catastrophes
In a carefully phrased statement from the Planet Mongo, General Klytus has broken months of media speculation regarding the true cause of the earthquakes, tsunamis and cyclones that have devastated the Earth since the beginning of 2008.
Read full storyGlasgow 'Proud' Of UEFA Riots
A Glaswegian councillor, Steven Freemason, has said that the people of Glasgow are 'proud' of the pitched battles fought across Manchester, after Wednesday's dull and uninteresting UEFA Cup final.
Read full story'No One Appeases Better Than Me' Says Bush
JERUSALEM (FMLiveWire) - In comments added to the end of his prepared speech before Israel's Knesset, President Bush muttered, "I know a few things about appeashment too. It runs in my family. Remember what Prescott Bush did."...
Read full storyVeteran politician Ming Campbell and antique entertainer Max Bygraves form double act and release new CD
The entertainment world was thrown into raptures today when former leader of the LibDems, Ming Campbell and teenage heartthrob of the late 19th century Max Bygraves announced their collaboration on a CD of new songs entitled "Ming alonga...
Read full storyMartians To Cut Their Carbon 'Tentacle' Print
The atmosphere on Mars consists of 95% carbon dioxide, compared to the 0.038% carbon dioxide in Earth's atmosphere, but the planet is much colder than Earth. However, like most of the other planets in the solar system, Mars has seen a bout of rec...
Read full storyChina to "Slot" developers
In the aftermath of the Chinese earthquake disaster, the Chinese authorities have announced that they are going to "Slot" the developers responsible for the buildings that collapsed.
Read full storyBlago and Koko: Blagojevich Admits Koko Gives Him All of His Ideas
Chicago - Just when you thought you'd heard it all with regard to Illinois' travesty of a Governor Rod Blagojevich, better known these days as Blago, now comes the cake.
Read full storyRoger Federer Trash Talks Heading Into the French Open
Though Roger Federer has lost a very human 6 matches this year so far and so he is also taking on another human trait, "trash talking".
Read full storyPresidential Runoff Delayed
With an entire nation on the edge of their seats over one of the most hotly contested Presidential contest in history; a political commission announced that the final resolution will be even further postponed.
Read full storyToothpicks from the True Cross Of Jesus Are Big Hit On Ebayjesus
A fragment of the supposed true cross of Christ purchased by Toothpick magnate, Woody Gutree, is being sold on the Christian Ebay, Ebayjesus.
Read full storyRoman Catholic Italians Cooperated in Crucifixion!
In a bizarre mix of espionage, religion and sadism, an Italian trial of US CIA operatives began today with gripping testimony from a wife about her husband's torture.
Read full storyObama Buys Port-A-John to Avoid Public Bathroom Scandal
Barack Obama has announced that he will be traveling with a Port-A-John until he has secured the Democratic Party presidential nomination.
Read full storyHalliburton Gets Contracts for US Southern Border and Sadr City Walls!
Cheney's Corporation, Halliburton has been granted multi million dollar construction contracts to erect barriers between the US and Mexico and the Iraqis and the Iraqis in Sadr City.
Read full storyBush Applauds Fireworks at Israeli 60th Anniversary; Failed to Realize Palestinian Rocket Attack!
Worst US Prez Eva, GWB thought a Hamas rocket attack on Israel was a Grucci fireworks display in his honor.
Read full story