Today Manchester City Council cancelled the traditional city-wide open-top bus parade through Manchester, for their European Champions League winners, Manchester United.
Stockbrokers in Essex and fans as near as Lincolnshire were heartbroken, but club spokeswimp, a Mr. C O'Ward, said: 'There may be a single teenage Rangers fan lurking somewhere, and we can't take the risk. What if he appeared, and chased all the police down the road - again?'
But team manager Barry Ferguson said: 'See thay cawps, by the way, they wiz nae good arra game. Somebuddy nicked mah bawtle a' Buckie.'
And Manchester United fan, Cherie Blair, said: 'This will mean legal action! Tony, get off the phone to the Pope, this is business!'
Many United fans were shocked, and pointed out that Man U in fact invented football hooliganism in the 1970s, when they merrily trashed towns and cities across England, and stopped games with pitch invasions, but a fan club secretary, speaking from Detroit, said: 'Yeah, but there was no Scots in them towns.'
One humiliated policeperson, speaking from his hospital bed, said: 'Couldn't we just all leave, and go and live in America? At least they can't fight battles or win wars there.'
But Rangers spokesproddy, Billy Notim, said: 'You'll stay right here, pal, we need Sassenachs like you as practice, in case the Irish ever go mad, and try and be tougher than us.'
Robert the Bruce, speaking from his cave in Stirlingshire, said: 'Way to go, guys! The day Scots are scared of English is the day we stop stealing all their taxes.'
And popular and decent BNP leader, Adolf Irvine, said: 'Kind of ruins us hijacking the Union Jack, doesn't it? Maybe we should just go and sulk in the corner.'
Little Miss Muffet, Manchester City Council leader, had the final word on the subject: 'Er.'