A Glaswegian councillor, Steven Freemason, has said that the people of Glasgow are 'proud' of the pitched battles fought across Manchester, after Wednesday's dull and uninteresting UEFA Cup final.
Speaking from his army barracks in Maryhill, he claimed: 'See them Sassenachs, what a bunch of saps, worse things happen every Friday night here, even Bosnians wanted to go back to Serbian genocide rather than stay in our wonderful town!'
And a spokesnazi for Rangers Football Club said: 'Dinnae blame us, we only founded an anti-Catholic, bigoted, club, it's not our fault if it attracts a few anti-Catholic bigots.'
But from the other side of the city, a Mr. Gerry O'Adams stated: 'OK, off the record we admire the Scots, even a few Protestant junkies can give the English police a doing, if only they'd join the IRA.'
But Pope John Paul Himmler, in his bunker in Rome, added: 'No wonder we gave up on those heathens in Scotland, next thing Catholics will stop sending us money!'
Alex Salmon was unavailable for comment, as every he time he speaks, everyone in Scotland falls asleep.
