Amnesty International condemn Ireland's curfew on old people

Written by Fergus McCarthy

Friday, 16 May 2008

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George Hook. Virtual prisoner

Amnesty International are to present a signed petition of over 1 million signatures at Aras an Uachtarain, the magnificent period residence of the Irish President Mary McAleese, tomorrow afternoon at 3pm.

The petition outlines what Amnesty calls "A shocking and callous infringement of Ireland's aged populations civil liberties."

Ireland's new Taoiseach Brian Cowen announced controversial new laws at a 'Help the aged fundraiser' in 'Caffrey's' pub in Mullingar Co. Westmeath 3 days ago and today defended the decision as 'Necessary and long overdue'

People over the age of retirement are to be actively and forcibly discouraged by law enforcement agencies, from venturing out on to nations streets between the hours of 6am to 10am and 4pm to 8pm in a bid to reduce traffic congestion and road traffic accidents.

Mr Cowen said: "You oul ones have all day to go to the Credit Union, the supermarket and the doctors. I can see no reason for you holding up the traffic when honest hard working decent long term voters are trying to get to and from work. Every morning, there you are, no need to be out of bed, doing 40 mph on a main artery leading a 5 mile tailback. Enough is enough people"

He continued, "Some of us have shit to do! Feck off and let us do it. You did it. We still have to do it."

The Taoiseach also cited cases of male senior citizens chatting up young shop assistants at 6.30 am when an individual may be trying to quickly buy a paper and a coffee en route to his place of employment as something else that pisses him off big time.

Motorist who do not use indicators, queue jumpers and attention seekers who insist on riding horses on the road will all come under government scrutiny in the coming months

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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