Hellfire Club warns 1998 Good Friday IRA Agreement signed under a similar, lethal Full Moon
London - (Ass Mess): Hellfire Club grandees have warned that Tony Blair's treasonous 1998 Good Friday Agreement with the IRA was signed under the same lethal Full Moon that also occurs this Good Friday.
Read full storyCops twitchy as Queen readies to wash Provos' feet at symbolic Maundy Thursday ritual
Armagh - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): Veteran RUC officers are in a sweat as the Puppet Monarch prepares to commemorate the Spring solstice on Maundy Thursday with a traditional washing of Provos' feet at St Patrick's Church of Ireland Cathedral in...
Read full storyWhite House Rescues White Sub-urban Schools
Bush's famous attack on US schools disguised by the legislateese title, No Chilluns Behinds Left Behind, has caused some lily white sub-urban schools to fall afoul of the benchmarks for success. When sub-urban parents are miffed they call the con...
Read full storyFox Has a New Reality Show in the Works
Fox Television has stated that they have created the 'ultimate' reality show. A spokesperson for Fox says, "To be a competitor on this show you will have to have many talents. You will have to get in great physical shape. This is not you...
Read full storySupremes Change Name to Guns N' Roses
The US Supreme Court has not ever conclusively interpreted the second amendment of the Constitution since its ratification in 1791.
Read full storyWriters get worried as Mad Mucca goes on rampage!
Many writers on TheSpoof.com are in hiding because Heather Mills, not content with throwing water, is now looking for easy targets to sue so that she can make up the shortfall of her £24.3million di...
Read full storyThe Capitol Hill Investigation Continues
The investigation into the 'poisoning' of several congressmen and women earlier this week, has come to a standstill. The two lead suspects, pro-turd antagonists, Duncan Whitehead and Tiki Murphy, were indeed helping Mark Lowton shop for his w...
Read full storyJustin Timerlake's sweet treat
Ever wondered why Justin Timberlake has flocks of girls pining after him? Well the answer's simple: he's made of chocolate.
Read full story"Go Left, Young Man!": New Report on Breasts
Mammariologists at the University of Brestlova have released a study of the female breast, originally funded during the Clinton administration. The study, expressed from the Dept of Tomography and Titiometry, under the leadership of Dr Melonie Juggs,...
Read full storyCold Snap
Scientists and weather professionals have seen a cold snap coming later in the year. Weather Girl Sandy Shoes said: 'Like, man, I was all sick of this weather, it changes man, it's like, whoa, and I was like, and she was like bbbbbbbbrrrrrrrr...
Read full storyJK Rowling To Realese Pop Song
Not content with retiring after finishing her popular Harry Potter book series, JK Rowling is realising an eighth book which will unusually be in pop song form.
Read full storyBush Averts Albanian Uprising by Invading Alabama
After receiving intelligence from multiple sources, President Bush prevented a potential Albanian uprising by invading Alabama. Two people were injured after a skirmish at a Waffle House in Dotham. No other injuries were known.
Read full storyBubble Wrap Popping can lead to Hearing Loss - Congress to make Bubble Wrap Laws
Yesterday, a group of scientist and researchers in Minot, North Dakota, released a statement saying that people who popped a great quantity of bubble wrap as child was 83.2546% more likely to have hearing loss as an adult.
Read full storyBloomberg - "Fuck it, I Cheated Too"
New York Mayor Micheal Bloomberg today said "fuck it" and announced that he had an extramarital affair.
Read full storyBinatone Back
Following on from news that the Commodore 65 will soon hit the shops, Binatone has announced a new game.
Read full storyLakers to Change Name
The Los Angeles Lakers announced today that the team will be changing their names after the final game of the 2007-2008 season.
Read full storyBush Says: War in Iraq Worth Every Penny!
Worst President Ever, GW Bush, has released an economics report demonstrating that the War in Iraq has been an overwhelming financial success.
Read full storyProfessor Finkelberker Dates A Giraffe
Renowned astro-physicist, Doctor Albert Finkelberker of the University of Ontario, has astounded the international scientific community with news of his love affair with a pet giraffe named Bertha.
Read full storyMcCanns get apology, libel payments from Express, Star, for not doing anything wrong at all
Kate and Gerry McCann, who didn't do it, received substantial payments in the form of damages today after the Star and Express both admitted their coverage of the case of the McCann's missing daughter (they can't have done it, it stands t...
Read full storyLast Harry Potter Film Split Into 67 Parts
After last week announcing that the seventh and final Harry Potter film, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows would be split into two parts, producers have now redrawn that proclaiming that it will in fact be split into 67 parts.
Read full storyHitler's Son is alive and well living In English Countryside
Cornwall - (Nazi Mess): The only son of Fuhrer Adolf Hitler is alive and well living in an English village and has several Grandchildren according to reports circulating on the internet.
Read full storyOpen Marriage in Albany Governor's Mansion!
Newly sworn and sworn at NYS Governor Patterson, pinch hitter for old pro hitter, Eliot Spritzer announced that he has been pinching the dollies for years now. His wife, Michelle (apparently the most common name for desperate housewives married to bl...
Read full storyMeat to be pulled out of colon
Two men have invented a way to enhance human health and profit while doing so.
Read full storyIrish Nuns Launder Drug Money From Al Queda To Send To Polishers
Dublin (What's the crack mess) An underground network of evil Irish nuns are laundering drug money obtained via Al Queda sources and sending it to French Polishers - who then funnel the money back to Ireland where the nuns use the cash to buy Dan...
Read full storyPresident Bush Plans Mega Movie Of His Life, After Second Term Ends
Voted worst President ever by political pundits and seventy percent of America, Mr. Bush, 'Commander in Chief' number 43, wants to be remembered for his cojones (balls), sensitivity, numerous accomplishments, and hard work. "Now, I'l...
Read full storyJohn Barrowman as straight as a ruler- and not the bendy type.
Today Torchwood star John Barrowman (41) threw away his Prada handbags and climbed back into his closet announcing that he had been wrong, he was straight.
Read full storyWicca Finally Proven to Be a Hoax
New documents have surfaced in the world of religion. Specifically, the Wicca religion. The chronicles in question, shed some light on the formation of the "world's oldest religion".
Read full storyXena star to film Amazon Women from Space movie in Plymouth
A very appealling film is set to begin filming this week in Plymouth, sometimes known as 'Pastietown'. The film is set to star Xena actress Lucy Lawless as an Amazonian warrior from beyond the stars.
Read full storyBank Doesn't Collapse
Massive queues formed outside branches of The Heptenstall Bank (formerly Heptenstall and District Building Society) today as, according to the Telegraph, the Bank of England announced that the Heptenstall would not collapse.
Read full storyNo Satisfaction for Alabama
In what appears to be a routine case of the minority imposing rules upon the majority, the Alabama legislature may soon find itself before the United States Supreme Court over a law passed almost a decade ago.
Read full storyHeather Mills Arrested For Begging Outside Kings Cross Station
Heather Mills, the newest addition to Britain's Rich List, has been arrested by police in London, after she was caught begging outside Kings Cross railway station today.
Read full storyTerrorist Abductions = UFO Abductions?
The story of, Marwan Jabour, an accused al-Qaeda paymaster and terrorist who alleges that he was held for two years in a 'secret' CIA prison, is a common one. We read about this kind of thing every few weeks in the national media. Should we,...
Read full storyAudrina Patridge: "My naked internet video porn ambitions"
California - (Bare Ass Mess): The Hills starlet Audrina Patridge has spoken about the 2003 nude porn videos that are doing the internet rounds this week showing the then underage reality TV wannabe promoting her inner talents.
Read full storyWoman sues American Mile High Airlines after sperm overshoot
Texarse - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): A Harris County woman is suing American Mile High Airlines after a male passenger's penile emissions overshot the Boeing 747's bathroom, ripped a hole in the business class furniture and belly flopped straight...
Read full storyPrince Bandar bankrolls Knights Templar UK recruitment campaign
London - (Holy Grail Mess): Sordid Arabia's former ambassador to the USA Prince Bandar is believed to be the financial genius behind a UK recruitment campaign to resurrect the Knights Templar papal military order.
Read full storyBring me the head of David Mamet
The international Arts community last night issued a fatwa on playwright David Mamet after he admitted he was no longer a "brain dead liberal".
Read full storyCIA breaks up Al Qaeda crew, project delayed
Al Qaeda has gotten too careless in its choice of projects and planning recently, which may account for the lack of terrorist activity here, the CIA reported on Wednesday.
Read full storyHeather Mills Books Nose Job
Heather Mills, the lying ex-wife of ex-Beatle Sir Paul McCartney, was today reported to have made an appointment with a top Harley Street clinic to have her nose reduced in size &quo...
Read full storyQueen Squeaks to Diffuse Pastor Controversy
The Queen today tried to distance herself from comments made in a speech by her Archbishop, Rowan Williams.
Read full storyUS Fed Slashes Public Interest
In an attempt to restore confidence is the US's ailing economy, the Federal Reserve slashed public interest today by reducing the value of everyone's money. And for those Americans who are in debt, the value of the amount of money they owe wi...
Read full storyArthur C Clarke dies at 90
The author of note Sir Arthur C Clarke died today at 90. He had moved there only recently. Clarke had returned to England only last week and had moved into number 90 Arcadia Crescent, where he eventually died.
Read full storyGreen Companies Advocate for Warming Labels On Carcinogenic Products
According to the Organic Consumers Association, Nature's Gate Organics, Giovanni Organic Cosmetics and Kiss My Face, Seventh Generation and other green companies have been putting 1,4-Dioxane, a carcinogenic chemical, in their products. Looking m...
Read full storyIncoming New York governor, David Paterson and his wife, admit to having affairs...while being sworn into office
New York, New York - While being sworn into the New York governor's office, now former lieutenant governor, David Paterson and his wife had sexual affairs. The announcement came just moments after Paterson completed his oath of office, taking eve...
Read full storyAgents Seize 911 Bottles of Rattlesnake-Infused Vodka bound for Jenna Bush's wedding
Crawford, Texas - (Rioters): Officials from the Keep-Texas-Wholesome Alcoholic Beverage Commission have seized 911 bottles of an illicit 75 degree proof rattle snake-infused vodka bound for Jenna Bush's Predator Chapel Ranch wedding in May.
Read full storyWriter Arthur C Clarke entombed in mysterious monolithic artifact and shot to Moon's surface
Popular British science fiction writer Sir Arthur C Clarke, author of more than 100 fiction and non-fiction books, has been entombed in a tetrahedral artifact of a mystic dark polished mineral and shot to the Moon's surface by
Read full storyPicking your nose can lead to brain damage
Picking your nose can lead to irreparable brain damage, a group of scientists said today.
Read full storyJerry the gerbil to pass through human body
A young gerbil named "Jerry" will be ingested by its owner and pass through the man's body, a fantastic voyage that may result in a Guinness World Record, of note.
Read full storySouth Korean Prez, Lee Myung-bak Inspires US Candies to Use Smell-Election Fragrances
Smell-Election Fragrances helped present South Korean President, Lee Myung-bak to his Election Day victory. US campaign advisers have been studying this new technique and some very interesting results have emanated from the smell banks of both Demo a...
Read full storyIrish aid worker held on drug charges in Indonesia.
Ireland and Indonesia are this evening embroiled in a war of words amidst a tense diplomatic stand off after an Irish charity worker was arrested on suspicion of drug trafficking at Bali international airport in the early hours of yesterday morning.
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