David Beckham to play in FA Cup final
The FA have announced that David Beckham will play a full 90 minutes in the FA Cup Final at Wembley on 17th May. The bizarre news comes via a hurried press conference staged at Soho Square by FA Chief Executive Brian Barwick, England Manager Fabio...
Read full storyHilary Out, Bill Jealous
In political news, Bill Clinton is filing for divorce from President hopeful Hilary Clinton. There is much scandal and question as to why Bill would do something like this, when he has a good chance of being back in the White House. Sources close to...
Read full storySieg Heil for the Puppet Monarch says Lord Goldsmith
London - (Third Reich Mess): People should dress up in Nazi uniforms and goosestep all the way down to Buckingham Palace on the Puppet Monarch's official birthday according to the UK's bird-brain ex-top lawyer Lord Goldsmith.
Read full storyCondeleeza Rice Caught in Male Prostitution Sting
March 11 - Washington, DC. Secretary of State Condeleeza Rice has been identified as a frequent client of an underground male prostitution operation based in Gonzo Heights Housing Projects in Washington, D.C.
Read full storyHillary to Choose Client Number Nine to be her Number Two
NEW YORK, NY - According to her aides, Hillary Clinton is going to ask Eliot 'No Condom' Spitzer to be her Vice Presidential running mate if she secures the Democratic Party presidential nomination. "If the floppy eared other guy thinks...
Read full storyHillary Converts to Islam
(Philadelphia PA) Hillary Clinton shocked supporters at a Philadelphia rally today by showing up dressed in a chador and with her face and hair covered in a veil. Ms. Clinton announced that she had converted to Islam and her new name is Naze...
Read full storyGeriatric Judge Cites Antiquated Teaching Processes, Incontinence As Motivation For Ruling
Brief argues counting change, person-to-person banking contributing to a "near antediluvian society."...
Read full story'Prince' Hip Op Goes Wrong
It's emerged that pint sized Pop Star 'Prince' Rogers Nelson the artist formerly known as 'Thingy' has apparently for the last few months been doing more reeling than rocking. Sources close to the star said a secret operation was...
Read full storyNorma Snockers to marry Ivor Biggun Junior
The up market Magazine The Titler has announced the forthcoming marriage between Norma Snockers and Ivor Biggun Junior.
Read full storyREM's Stipe finds spine/Orange Crush, loses religion
In a remarkable turn of events, it was confirmed last night that, having found both his spine and his Orange Crush, two items believed to have been lost forever, Michael Stipe has now lost his religion. The leader singer is understood to be inconsol...
Read full storyAnother top cop suicide
Snowdonia, Wales - (Rioters): Yet another top UK cop has been found dead just 24 hours after Sergeant Jim Bergerac, Camilla's head of security, was found fatally injured with multiple gunshot wounds to his wallet, head and chest.
Read full storyLord Trimble Calls Hillary Clinton Silly
As an example of her foreign affairs experience, Hillary Clinton said she was instrumental in bringing about peace in Northern Ireland. However, Lord Trimble, the recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize for the Belfast Accord of 1998, had a different view...
Read full storyAztlan Secedes!
This morning Vladimir Putin, the President of Russia and Wen Jiabao, the Premier of China, addressed hundreds of thousands of jubilant Mexicans from in front of the former Los Angeles City Hall building. They congratulated the people, on this, the i...
Read full storySweet FA
When the name 'Brian Barwick' comes to mind, we presume that 'he' is a perfectly normal human being. Not any more.
Read full storyGovernor Spitzer of New York Caught With Pants Down And Going To The "Big House"
OK. It happened again. Forget Obama and Hillary's ranting and raving for a few days. This time, the U.S. Congress isn't the target, but the conniving Governor of New York, the fighter of graft, corruption, and, in the present situation, espec...
Read full storyMorph faces sexual assault allegations from 'underage' co-star Chas
Eighties TV star Morph is the latest celebrity to face investigation over sensational claims that he sexually abused co-star Chas during the making of his popular 80s kids TV programme. Chas, now 34, was below the legal age of consent at the time, ag...
Read full storyPompey to be awarded FA Cup
Following an amazing series of results, the FA Cup semi-finals were due to be contested by three lower league clubs and Premiership side Portsmouth.
Read full storyCrufts Favourite Eaten By Terrorists
The dog fancying community was apoplectic with grief, fear and outright confusion today upon hearing the horrific news that last year's winning dog and the bookies' favourite to reclaim the title this year - a North Vietnamese Wolfhound named...
Read full storyIndian Men Have Small Penises - Fact
Scientists in India have concluded that Indian men have the smallest penises in the world. Condom makers have been advised that they need to make mini condoms to help these poor afflicted men.
Read full storyNew Religious Movement In Jerusalem
In the Middle-Eastern city of Jerusalem a new religion is rapidly spreading, preaching peace on Earth, forgiveness of sins, and love for one's neighbour. This religion is Christianity.
Read full storyStephen Hawking Is A Lazy Idiot, Woman Tells Neighbour
Professor Stephen Hawking, the cleverest man in the world, has been dubbed "an idiot" by a lady on a bus in Yorkshire, over the paraplegic's dealings with his second wife.
Read full storyGrape Sues Man in Supermarket Row
A grape is set to sue well known London accountant Mark Spencer for more than £300,000 after claiming he was trodden on by the overweight money-grabber at Tesco in Peckham.
Read full storyBrown attacks gingers
After visiting the Anti- Racial Foundation in Bolton, Gordon Brown attacked the ginger leader of ceremonies as "useless and a waste of space".
Read full storyTheSpoof.com Fires Writers for Writing True Stories; Writers Fight Back
TheSpoof.com, one of the premier internet websites for fake news, has recently fired hundreds of its writers for submitting what editors claim are "true stories".
Read full storyBloomberg, Reuters & WSJ agree on headlines on crude, dollar and gold
You know it. There should be innovations, originality, creativity in journalism. And all of them try to be creative to differentiate it from the rest, more so in the title, in headlines. It's a maddening crowd, thanks to wired and online news. Bu...
Read full storyHeather Mills: knives out as Yoko Ono blocks iTunes deal
London - (Rotters): 'Expect an imminent celeb drive-by shooting' is this week's lead news-story in LA FagHagSlagMag as vexatious divorce litigant Heather Mills vies to erase Yoko Ono after yet another a bid to publish Be...
Read full storyGLAAD: Fox reality show 'Election 2008' homophobic, badly written
Fox Network's successful reality show Election 2008 has drawn harsh fire this week from gay activists.
Read full storyA Search For The Truth Does Not Question Reality
The inaccuracies and mischievous half-truths in the 'Paper of Record' article illustrate the impossible position of a person who has been misrepresented, writes Sister Breathless Sobriny. A friend of mine rang me after reading Maddeby Ruination's column of December 20th, 2007. "Congratulations," he said sardonically. "I see that the 'paper of record' has not only allowed Francie Plane to p...
Read full storySeven Deadly Sins (Revised)
(ROME) The Vatican has spoken out on the subject of the Seven Magnificent Deadly Sins, and has come up with a modernised version of 'things to go to Hell for'.
Read full story'Client No 9/11' a victim of Bush's warrantless wiretaps Spitzer lawyers argue
New York - (Rioters): Attorneys acting for beleaguered Governor of New York Eliot Spitzer say the vice sting outing him as 'Client No 9/11' in the Emperor's Club VIP investigation is part of an illegal White House wiretap run by George W...
Read full storyNew evidence of life from mars found!
Scientist today released a report which has said that they have conclusive proof of life from Mars. And apparently it's right under our noses.
Read full story"Houses of parliament the cause of global warming"
Following the violent storms the UK has been experiencing. a team of leading meteorological scientists have released a report that says:...
Read full storyDark Lord Obama denies interest in world domination, claims Ring of Power destroyed
Following yesterday's closed-door meeting with top Nazgûl advisors, Democratic presidential hopeful Barack Hussein Obama, U.S. Senator and newly revealed Dark Lord...
Read full storySpitzer, NY Gov, Fought Corruption and Comforted Hoes!
Eliot Spitzer fought corruption all the way to the Governor's mansion in Albany, NY. Scourge to Wall Street crooks and liars, the AG Spitzer had the liars laying low and the crooks hiding in every cranny and nook. His reputation for incorruptibil...
Read full storyObama Revives Puritanical Streak in Democrat Party
Wonks, pollywogs and politgeeks have been feverishly studying why new-comer BH Obama has driven experienced as the hills Hillary Clinton to the brink of defeat. One theory seems to have emerged to the forefront of the analysis. American liberalism mo...
Read full storyWater contains Free Psychotropic Drugs as part of pilot project proving Universal Health Care Fiscally Feasible -- Shutdown over Fear it can only be opposed on Moral Hazard grounds
Los Angeles, California - A pilot project leaked to the media that local water districts were working with pharmaceutical companies on a new, faster and more efficient drug delivery system to handle the anticipated increased needs of retiring Baby Bo...
Read full storyGone, Baby, Way Gone Receives the Oscar for the Most Anti- Les Miserable Miserable Film!
Gone Baby Way Gone is the story of a sensitive, hurt man who has lost his beloved child and miraculously finds a way to rescue another little girl from a doomed life. Debut director, Bennies Inflict found the incredible path to turn...
Read full storyBBC to broadcast exclusively in Arabic
Shock greeted the surprise announcement that from the end of the year the BBC will no longer broadcast in English - only Arabic.
Read full storyGeorgia Re-Survey Annexes Alabama and Florida
"We ain't got enough water," said Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue, "git some."...
Read full storyNew Princess On The Block
Princess Mary has a new rival. New princess on the block, Athena Alexiadis, has made a name for herself very quickly, being just named the princess of a newly-discovered, luxe European island named Florenza.
Read full storyStatue to Commemorate Bush Legacy at Vatican
Vatican City - George Clooney today as part of his new ambassador role attended an unveiling ceremony at the Vatican on behalf of President Bush. The occasion? A new courtyard at the Vatican dedicated to world leaders and their contributions to world...
Read full storyCalifornia parents arrested -- Caught Home-schooling their children without a teaching credential
Sacramento, California - A three-judge panel from the 2nd District Court of Appeals made it illegal on February 28 for any parent to home school their child, unless they have a teaching or tutor credential. Upon hearing the ruling, school districts o...
Read full storyDoomsday Vault opens
Norway made world news recently with the opening of a Doomsday Vault close to the North Pole to safeguard seed stocks that haven't been genetically modified.
Read full storyAnimal Rights Activists Spur Reunion of Supremes to Honor Slain Hawk
In a glorious vocalization of the adage "out of all evil can come some good", Diana Ross and Mary Wilson, the two surviving members of Motown super girl group The Supremes, reunited Sunday night in a benefit for the hawk killed by pro golfe...
Read full storyDrugs in our drinking water
Yahoo! News recently reported of an Associated Press investigation into the quality of drinking water that discovered minute amounts of pharmaceuticals including antibiotics, anti-convulsants, mood stabilizers and sex hormones.
Read full storyWacky wiccan chokes Potter's chicken
Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe is in mourning this evening after a crazed and delusional stalker broke into his London home and strangled his pet chicken 'Paxo'.
Read full story