Geriatric Judge Cites Antiquated Teaching Processes, Incontinence As Motivation For Ruling

Funny story written by Ron Giesecke

Tuesday, 11 March 2008

Brief argues counting change, person-to-person banking contributing to a "near antediluvian society."

Ventura, ca. - In an apparent attempt to clarify a recent and controversial judicial ruling, a judge from the 2nd Court of Appeals has written a supplementary ruling.

"While the court respects the internal passions upon which the home schooling agenda bases itself," states the ruling, "it is simply not enough to justify an overt climate of antiquity. To insist upon needless and superfluous cognitive regimens such as the reverse till count not only disadvantages children, it also precludes more contemporary techniques at the workplace."

The ruling, written by 75-year old Appellate judge H. Walter Croskey, also states that a "severe climate of intellectual displacements" such as these will also prevent otherwise marketable workers from memorizing modern cash register membrane keys-particularly those that bear photos meant to aid the modern worker in instantly distinguishing between a growing number of competing fast-food entrees.

"The near-complete global economy will be primarily based on the reflexes of the young," said Croskey. "And a business venture will rise and fall on the line staff's ability to quickly distinguish between a garden-variety sandwich and one of great historical repute. If the mind is cluttered with the ability to perform the transaction outside the electronic arena, then a drag on commerce itself is imminent."

Croskey also noted that interpersonal transactions, such as banking and ticket purchases are "fraught with the pitfalls of unnecessary sociological interaction," a process that when "engaged in by the majority of the Homeschool population, could result in an unexpected glut of civil litigation, as the potential for miscommunication with society is high."

Also included in the ruling, a brief reference to a "sudden and unforeseen onslaught of nature" as the reason for the hasty ruling on February 28th-and that his judicial angst was further fueled by a homeshooler's knowledge of workplace catheterization.

"The last thing I need is one of you people telling me when and where to do my business," he said. "I'm surprised that philosophy eludes you."

The ruling is being appealed.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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