Morph faces sexual assault allegations from 'underage' co-star Chas

Funny story written by Bertrand Sedgley-Smythe

Tuesday, 11 March 2008


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image for Morph faces sexual assault allegations from 'underage' co-star Chas
Not exactly Morph, but not that far off either

Eighties TV star Morph is the latest celebrity to face investigation over sensational claims that he sexually abused co-star Chas during the making of his popular 80s kids TV programme. Chas, now 34, was below the legal age of consent at the time, aged just 13.

Morph, 52, now lives in Surrey, UK, and has been considered a recluse since TV and personal appearances dried up. He was last seen opening an exhibition of paper mache art at Gosport Library in Wales, and attempts to contact him have been fruitless. Morph's solicitors, Plaster, Stein and Ruben, issued the following statement:

"Our client is not denying that he had sexual relations with several cast members, none of which were below the legal age of consent. But the allegations of rape are totally false, and we aim to construct a vigorous defence on his behalf"

Chas, who now works in the sex industry, stated: "Even though it was over 20 years ago, I can remember it like it was yesterday. After Morph plied me with a few post-show drinks, I started to feel a little woozy, and was soon completely out of my box. I'm convinced he drugged me. Next thing I knew, his massive plasticine hands were were all over me. I was powerless to resist and he didn't use any protection."

A BBC insider said: "Those that watched the show will remember Chas as a strong, mischeivious character, who often led Morph into behaving badly and playing practical jokes on others. In reality, Morph was in complete control, and ruled the show with a plasticine fist. No-one dared question his actions as everyone was terrified of losing their jobs, such was his influence."

Silver haired artist Tony Hart, 104, who co-starred in the series, stated: "I had absolutely no idea that anything was going on between Morph and Chas. I did know about Morph's eye for the ladies, however. His dressing room was always full of female fans, and we talked about a couple of situations he got himself into. Once, security had to be called when an angry husband confronted him on the set. He was led away, but I remember that the man waited for Morph after the shoot, and an ugly scene unfolded, and Morph ended up getting his head squashed."

Pop Star Lisa Stansfield, famed for her eighties chart topping hit 'Been around the Block', married Morph in 1984, but the couple were divorced two years later due to Morph's infidelity. When told of the allegations by our reporters, she was visibly shocked. Stansfield stated: "Morph was a bastard, and a sexual deviant, but I never would have thought him capable of rape, especially with Chas. I know for a fact he thought Chas was ugly."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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