Staggering discovery unearthed by Paleontological Proctologists
Pillsbury Utah- A team of renowned Paleontological Proctologists from Pillsbury were conducting routine rectal drilling in a petrified wooly mammoth's orifice when their drill struck the fully preserved skeletal structure of what appeared to be a...
Read full storyThe Weasly and Potter Show
Boy Wizards Ronald Billius Weasly and Harry James Potter have become so concerned over the awful lives of chavs that they have decided to make their very original show in which they sort out chavy domestics.
Read full story101 Reasons why women prefer cucumbers to Men
1. The average cucumber is at least 6 inches long.
Read full storyLuxembourg Invades United States!
The tiny country of Luxembourg, a country about the size of a back yard, has invaded the United States mainland. Prime Minister Jean-Claude Juncker said that capturing the United States and using its resources is vital for the future of the country.
Read full storyBear Stearns & Co. Financial Crunch Blamed On Company Librarian
Several employees of the financial management firm Bear Stearns & Co. have come forward to lay blame for it's banking meltdown on one particular individual; the company librarian.
Read full storyNo worries says Bush
Bush said in a press interview this morning that the two biggest threats to the US are Al Quaeda in Iraq, a totally fabricated enemy, and Iran who haven't attacked any one in 400 years. Therefore we can cut the defense budget by 95%.
Read full storyIs Sir Paul's Business Acumen Slipping?
Paul McCartney may be looking to play the Maritime provinces of Canada on July 1st, Canada's birthday, sources at his company have stated. The company is looking at either Halifax, Nova Scotia or Charlottetown on Prince Edward Island.
Read full storyCyber "black holes" abound
Reported from Seattle, Washington, USA, Ethan Katz-Bassett and Arvind Krishnamurthy have found and patterned "black holes" on the internet.
Read full storyCIA's Tenet 'always knew Warren Jeffs is Pope Ratzinger's son'
Langley, Va - (Sordid Ass Mess): Ex-CIA CEO George Tenet has egg on his face this weekend as a UK Sunday tabloid vows to expose him as shielding Pope Joseph Ratzinger for over 40 years as the biological father of polygamist nutter Warren Jeffs.
Read full storyTexan Crystle Meth crowned Ms United States
Las Vegas - (Botox Ass Mess): A 22 year-old Texan pharmacology entrepreneur (sic) has been crowned Ms United States after a close-run contest of the nation's finest.
Read full storyKaren Matthews To Star In 'Shameless'
Karen Matthews, the horrible neglecter of 9-year-old missing-cum-turned-up-safe schoolgirl Shannon Matthews, is to star in the BAFTA-award winning TV drama series Shameless, according to sou...
Read full storyNew Yorkers Protest Beijing Olympics by Boycotting Chinese Take-out
Not all young New Yorkers are self-absorbed, oblivious to world affairs and unsympathetic to global socio-cultural plights. A grass-roots effort is taking shape in Manhattan.
Read full storyCouples Warned: Beware the Four-Year Itch
Newly-weds used to be able to expect a seven-year honeymoon period before the rot set in. But new research has found that couples now barely make it to four.
Read full storyTiger Woods Breaks Arm
Tiger Woods presented himself with a real problem in the third round here at the Augusta Masters in Georgia, when he inadvertently broke his arm whilst trying to carve his way out of some trees after...
Read full storyRobin Williams Aids NASA In Space Monkey Research
Comedian and Oscar-winning actor Robin Williams is deeply involved in a NASA research project relating to sending monkey's to Uranus. The hirsute star offered his services for free in order to bo...
Read full storyKick Boxer Swallows Testes
Thai kick boxing champion Mi Luvyu Longtime suffered a serious injury in a bout yesterday while he was facing a challenger.
Read full storyJordan arrested for Breast-terrorism
On a flight to Australia, Katie Price was arrested when her over sized breasts exploded, covering several passengers in a gel like substance.
Read full storyMcCanns accuse Maddie of "smear" campaign
Modern day saints Gerry and Kate McCann are said to be furious that their daughter Madeleine asked her mother why she didn't come to her when she was crying the night before her disappearance.
Read full storyWombles To Act As Consultants To Green Party
The Wombles, those pointy-nosed furry creatures that mope about on Wimbledon Common collecting and recycling rubbish, have been recruited as consultants by the Green Party, it has been revealed.
Read full story2008 Flora London Marathon Shock As 'Fancy Dress Fun Runners' Are Kicked Out Of Event
The 2008 Flora London Marathon starts on Sunday in the heart of the capital, and, all being well, will finish the same day, thanks to the event's organisers who have banned slower runners from competing.
Read full storyWorld's oldest spoof discovered
A collection of what are believed to be the world's oldest satirical writings has been uncovered by archaeologists excavating in Jordan. The numerous works explore a wide range of topics pertinent to the era including contraception, child care, fa...
Read full storyWest Texas sect encouraged fear
All their lives, young impressionable residents of the Libertarian sect in the West Texas desert were told that the outside world was hostile and immoral, and that venturing beyond the brilliant white walls of their Eldorado compound would co...
Read full storyFeds finally take action in Airline Industry Bankruptcy Crisis: Auditors now required aboard all airline flights
Louisville, Kentucky - Criticized by the airline industry for not taking a more assertive approach in dealing with the worsening airline industry bankruptcy crises, the federal government announced today it is now requiring all airlines to have an in...
Read full storyMaddie found on T5 luggage belt
[HEATHROW: APS] Madeline McCann, the elusive toddler who has been missing since her parents misplaced her in Portugal almost a year ago, has been found by mechanics on a luggage belt at Heathrow's new Terminal 5.
Read full storyAirplane makes emergency landing after CEO files for bankruptcy in mid-flight
Washington, DC - Another airline just went belly up but not before one of its airplanes bound for LAX was informed in mid-flight by its CEO that he had to file for bankruptcy so they had better land the plane as soon as possible because none of the p...
Read full storyMan celebrates his weird beard
Spokane WA- Ryan Clayton, a typical 34-year old resident of Spokane, was alone on vacation backpacking through a dense secluded forest, eating peanut shells and licking tree bark, when he tripped over an ice sculpture built by prodigious beavers with...
Read full storyAging Disease Hits Midwest
Over a dozen cases of "Gereatric Disease" has hit in Iowa and Illinois in the past month. It is a disease which children age to an elderly age in less than three weeks before dying of old age.
Read full storyThe Naked Show Must Go On For Daniel Radcliffe - Even If He Has No Manly Parts Left!
Everyone knows it, and if you don't you are either illiterate or have been walking around with a paper bag on your head for the last month. Yes not content with just scaring theatre goers in London's west end for life, Daniel Radcliffe has ta...
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