Maddie found on T5 luggage belt

Written by Wally Lopez

Saturday, 12 April 2008


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image for Maddie found on T5 luggage belt
Passengers get excited at the news

[HEATHROW: APS] Madeline McCann, the elusive toddler who has been missing since her parents misplaced her in Portugal almost a year ago, has been found by mechanics on a luggage belt at Heathrow's new Terminal 5.

It is thought that workers performing the first test run of the now notorious system found her after hearing noises coming from a suitcase that had been caught up in the recent catastrophe.

According to witnesses, Maddie seemed to be in good health, and is now being questioned by police, who have been stunned to find that she now speaks fluent Portuguese.

"How customs didn't find her I'll never understand," said a police source close to the enquiry. "But I suppose the useless basterds were too bust checking passports."

Willie Walsh, chief executive of British Airways was quick to capitalise on the historic find.

"Everyone's been having a go at us recently, but this crisis is actually the best thing to have happened to Terminal 5. We've found Maddie, and if we hadn't screwed up the baggage system she would probably have been on her way to Kazakhstan by now" he said.

BA does not operate commercial flights to Kazakhstan.

Delight and Surprise

Police chiefs in Portugal have said they are "delighted and surprised" at Madeline's return.

"We are not quite sure how this happened" a Portuguese spokesman told the BBC "but of course we are absolutely delighted. At least now people will think that this is BA's fault and not ours"

Asked whether Kate and Gerry McCann, Maddie's parents, are still being treated as suspects, the spokesman declined to comment.

Headless Chickens

In a blatant publicity stunt, BA plastered the words WELCOME HOME MADDIE on the destinations board where flights had been cancelled. Passengers who were affected were then told that The Daily Express would pay £100,000 for the first picture of Maddie. One member of BA staff could see the advantages.

"It was pandemonium" the unnamed employee told us "people were running around like headless chickens. But at least they weren't shouting at us for once". He then broke down and cried like a baby.

In other news, Gary Glitter reported the non-delivery of a priority package to DHL in Bangkok.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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