Couples Warned: Beware the Four-Year Itch

Written by Kent Pete

Saturday, 12 April 2008

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Mr and Mrs Rosenberg in happier times.

Newly-weds used to be able to expect a seven-year honeymoon period before the rot set in. But new research has found that couples now barely make it to four.

Scientists have discovered that partners begin to grow fed up with each other after just three years and are at peak risk of divorce just before their fourth anniversary.

US Professor Daniel Kahneman, a Nobel laureate, said studies showed that the positive feelings from marriage are fleeting.

The excitement of falling in love, getting married and having anal sex for the first time, initially makes both partners very happy.

But given the 'limited nature of the human attention span' this level of satisfaction cannot be maintained for most couples.

It has been suggested that, contrary to common belief, it is the female who first begins to doubt the value of the partnership. For women the falling in love and wedding part of the relationship seem to keep their magic for many years. However it is the 'Dancing with Vanessa' aspect of the marriage which seems to rapidly lose it's appeal.

Talking to our Media correspondent, Shirley Rosenberg, 34, from Golders Green in London said,

"The marriage to Jeremy went well for a while. He ran a thriving Export Company and I busied myself with building a happy home for our young child. However it was the persistent demands for Anal Sex that finally ruined our marriage. At first it was a bit of drunken fun, a game we'd humorously call, 'Playing Snooker with Ray Charles'. But as time went by it just seemed to become a regular part of our love making. Without being too graphic, a hole that once resembled a 5p piece now looks more like a 50p bit. I'm sorry but that isn't a caring relationship as far as I am concerned."

However religious leaders throughout Britain are suggesting that modern day couples give up too easily on marriage. Talking from the United Reform Synagogue in East Finchley, London, Rabbi Abraham Levy said,

"It is far too easy to get a divorce nowadays. In this particular case Mrs Rosenberg had a 5 bedroomed house in a sought after location. Her young child attended one of the finest private nurseries in the area. She was guaranteed at least two foreign holidays a year and drove a Lexus RX400h Station Wagon. It seems an awful lot to give up for the sake of 45 pence."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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