Republicans Need Clean Break from Bush: Gingrich
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) -- Republican presidential candidates need to make a clean break from that "crazy Zionist warmonger" President George W. Bush and the US government or they will lose the November 2008 election, veteran Republican New...
Read full storyBill O'Really, Drowned in Ron Paul Mail, Debuts Ombudsbabe
14 Sep 07, NEW YORK CITY, NY, USNA-- Talking head Bill O'Really, host of "The Spin Zone" on CBC's Faux News network, was drowned this week in thousands of letters from Ron Paul supporters. Admitting for the first time in 11 years th...
Read full storyHarvey arrested for assaulting himself
Pop loser Brian Harvey has been remanded in custody for head butting himself. The former One True Voice bassist, who shot to fame in the nineteen nineties with a string of forgettable hits, is said to be deeply traumatised by the whole experience.
Read full storyEx-VECO boss grasses up Ben Stevens
Anchorage, Alaska - (Ass Mess): Ex-VECO boss Bill Allen told a packed Anchorage courtroom today how he bribed Corrupt Bastards Club luminary and Alaskan ex-state Senate President Ben Stevens.
Read full storyIlluminati Hoarding Gold Prior to 9/11; Ron Paul Commemoratives Still Available
14 Sep 07, EVANSVILLE, IN, USNA-- Someone has been buying almost all the gold in the world in the past ten days, reports monetary architect Bernard von NutHaus of Liberty Services, suggesting that the next world crisis is imminent. Oddly, in the mids...
Read full storyLatest 6ft blow-up latex doll modelled on naked Vanessa Hudgens
San Francisco, California - (Barefaced Cheek & Ass Mess): The Californian copycat sex-aid industry is cock-a-hoop today after losing no time in launching its newest latex six foot blow-up doll modelled on naked internet pictures of High School Mu...
Read full storyBug-eyed Western Dogs Make Babies All the Time
Beijing - Top reporter Mr. Chan come back from England and say wishy-washy social security bureaucrats pay bug-eyed trollops to have babies, by giving them lots of bicycles and noodles.
Read full story"Top Gear" Richard Hammond's car accident blamed on "no tyres"
A high level BBC investigation into the cause of the road accident last year that almost killed Top Gear presenter Richard "the Hamster" Hammond has blamed it on no tyres.
Read full storyDemocratic Party Adopts New Logo
(Washington) - The Democratic Party, led by MoveOver.org and Hillary Clinton, today announced they are changing their political logo. From a donkey to an ostrich.
Read full storyOJ Simpson Pledges to Find the Real Burglar
Las Vegas, NV September 14, 2007 - In an impromptu news conference held on the Las Vegas Strip this morning, OJ Simpson pledged "…not to rest until the real burglar is found."...
Read full storyMichael Jackson to foot McCanns' legal bills?
Rothley, Leicestershire - (Ass Mess): Speculation is rife in the UK that singer Michael Jackson has offered to pay the legal defence costs for the McCanns who may be facing extradition to Portugal 'as early as Monday' according to police sour...
Read full storyPortuguese cops wants to dig up Leicestershire
Portugal - (Disaster Mess): The Portimao public prosecutor has told local police to apply for an EU warrant to dig up large swathes of Leicestershire in their hunt for missing four year old Maddie.
Read full storyChallenged Comics get Corpsing Clinic
Formerly funny Monty Python star Eric Idle is to open a rehab clinic for ex-comedy stars who have lost the gift of the giggle.
Read full storyFurious Affleck retaliates with Dr Harold Shipman's daughter movie
Hollywood, California - (Ass mess): Ben Affleck has hit back at critics in the wake of his directional debut film Gone Baby Gone being pulled with the news that he's already working on a follow-up movie 'about the bonkers daughter o...
Read full storyNorthern Rock admits wasting money on gambling, drugs and loose women
Well-respected bank the Northern Rock today crawled on bended knee to the Bank of England, its older brother, begging for a loan to bail it out of a financial crisis entirely of its own making.
Read full storyNintendo Closes doors after disappointing Wii Sales
Nintendo Corp. announced today the closure of all of its offices world-wide. This comes just months after the launch of the new Wii game console.
Read full storyJesus is back ... and he lives in Burnley!
Jesus Christ reincarnate is back on earth, and this time-round in the form of Paul Higginbotham from Burnley, in the North of England. Paul, who is now 15, and is represented by Max Clifford, had called a hastely arranged press-conference to reveal a...
Read full storyMissing Children Believed Shaved Say Amish Detectives.
News just in of a bizarre twist in a recent spate of child kidnappings in Rio De Janero. For several months, small young children all aged around five or six have been mysteriously disappearing from the streets of Rio in Brazil near Chile.
Read full storyNorthern Rock 'For Geordies Only' Says Executive
The Northern Rock, the bank set up by a bunch of people from Newcastle eight years ago, has announced that it is going bust, in an off-the-wall publicity stunt.
Read full storyFemale politicians should try other forms of transport
Why is bicycle-riding limited to male politicians in Britain? Why don't female politicians arrive at work using something less conventional than the bus, a taxi or the train?...
Read full storyBush/Chaney Implement New Plan to Thwart Insurgents
Originally the Bush administration thought the Iraqi war was going to be a slam-dunk shutout. At first it seemed it just might work, the Iraqi army laid down like a Saturday night hooker with a free hotel room and two gallons of lube. They took the a...
Read full storyJapan launches $2 billion into space
Japan has joined the United Sates, Russia, China and India by launching a $2 billion dollar probe toward the moon, which has already proven to be nothing more than a worthless rock.
Read full storyHsu sudden illness still a mystery
Amtrak passenger Herman Schimmelplotzer has told Fox News that Norman Hsus' previously unexplained collapse came on quite suddenly between cocktails.
Read full storyBritney Spears to Lip Sync 'War and Peace' Using Justin Timberlake's Voice
Planet Earth - Britney Spears will lip sync to Justin Timberlake's new audio book recording of War and Peace. According to her agent she is dedicating the new DVD to Insomniacs Anonymous, who have agreed to back Britney's entire world tour in...
Read full storyVanessa Hudgens Vagina Goes Photo Public, Sex Tape Rumored to be a Rumor
There are many media confirmations that Vanessa Hudgens, star of , High School Musical, XXX sex tape are just rumors, nothing more. Although in past experience, where there's smoke there's usually fire, in this case may be hot air. But then...
Read full storyMidgets mug nun
Today outside a shop somewhere near the sleepy town of Kunt in Germany, Northern Ireland people witnessed shocking scenes of brutal savagery as about twenty boozed up midgets waited for a nun to come out of "gangreen gary's" tattoo parl...
Read full storyGod To Humanity: Shut The Fuck Up Already With The Prayers
HEAVEN (AP) -- At a recent press conference, God, creator and master of the universe, expressed extreme displeasure at the hundreds of millions of prayers He has been receiving on a daily basis. "Shut the fuck up already," He told humanity.
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