Today outside a shop somewhere near the sleepy town of Kunt in Germany, Northern Ireland people witnessed shocking scenes of brutal savagery as about twenty boozed up midgets waited for a nun to come out of "gangreen gary's" tattoo parlour before attacking the poor cow with dildo's and hammers.
One witness Mr Bertfred Gonad (98) said: "It was completely uncontrollable. I tried to stop the attackers but they were to small and I just gave them some lard and politely told them to fuck off. Anyway, fuck it, one of the midgets offered me a tenner so I gave the nun a kicking as well."
Police say when walking the streets at night make sure you don't bump into these people as they might attack you.
