Blair wants PPPFI sponsored mobile brothels
London - (ReUterus): The legalisation of prostitution debate took another twist today as it emerged Prime Mobster Tony Blair wants to quash any introduction of official red light zones and replace the idea with a fleet of mobile brothels carrying off...
Read full storyNaomi Campbell ordered to train with Olympic shot put team
New York - (Rioters): Supermodel Naomi Campbell has been sentenced to 50 hours training with the US Women's Olympic shot put team after Manhattan Criminal Court Judge Robert Mandelbaum praised her steely determination to hurl a variety of project...
Read full storyRicky Tomlinson expresses shock that British Gas are capitalists.
Socialist union antagonist Ricky "Scouse" Tomlinson has revealed he is shocked to learn British Gas is actually a capitalist organisation.
Read full storyPop's Easy Says Industry Expert
Ever dreamt of being a popstar? Singing other people's songs to thousands of brain dead, screaming middle aged bored house wives? According to music expert Paul Gamblerachino it's never been easier. Even the chart rules have changed so any un...
Read full storyBinge Drinkers Spark Mid-Air Vision of Christ - Pope Informed
Last night, Rank-Air Flight 66613 was making its final untroubled descent into Gatwick Airport, when experienced pilot James Henley-Regatta (53) left the controls as he always did to reprimand binge drinking passengers. Little did he know that the ro...
Read full storyHighland Games Disrupted By Visting Aliens Charles Not Amused
A surprising development today at the Highland Games as top hammer thrower, Findlay Spindley, was beamed aboard a mysterious space-craft just as he was about to throw for the championship.
Read full storyObama: Whitehouse Bid, Big Mistake
Washington, D.C.-- Sen. Barack Obama, the charismatic junior senator from Illinois, announced today that news of his taking the first formal step towards a run for the 2008 Democratic presidential nomination are untrue.
Read full storyWhite House Introduces Its Version of Monopoly: Iraq-opoly
(Washington, D.C.) Further points of George Bush's plan for Iraq are being revealed. And for those staunch Republicans who say, "This isn't a game." Well...maybe it is. Except not Uncle Pennybags, but Uncle Sam will be the central f...
Read full story'Snakes in a Cab' Opens Friday
Samuel L Jackson, not content to fight off 2000 snakes on a plane repeats his award winning reptile slaying performance in Snakes in a Cab opening this weekend.
Read full storyGreg Rusedski spontaneous combustion fears after house blast
Sussex - (Rioters): Tennis ace Greg Rusedski is said to be revising his life insurance policy after a freak Xmas Eve occurence at his home in rural West Sussex saw part of his house demolished when an unidentified propellant suddenly caused extensive...
Read full storyUN resolution to mark International Holocaust Deniers Day
UN HQ, New York - (Rotters): A groundswell of opinion is lobbying the UN Security Council for official recognition of David Irving and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's hystery revision foundation in the form on an International Holocaust Deniers Day based o...
Read full storyEat Curry And Live Longer It's Official
As if you needed it confirmed but here it is anyway: eating curry is really good for you - and that's official.
Read full storyHire a Ghost For Your Next Party
Start-up company Hell Fire Poltergeists guarantees to not only scare the living Hell out of your party guests but also send them running for the door when you're tired of them and it's time for them to go home.
Read full storyDiana to be exhumed, funeral re-constructed: coroner
London - (ReUterus): The Acting Coroner in charge of Princess Diana's much delayed inquest has ordered the exhumation of her body as a vital part of a police TV re-construction into her fatal funeral and burial.
Read full storyBi-polar disorder blamed for rising suicide rate amongst gay bears
The shocking rise of suicides in the gay bear community has been blamed on a condition known as bi-polar disorder.
Read full storyDoctors hail full body transplant a success
A man was discharged from hospital today after becoming Britian's first full body transplant survivor.
Read full storyPolar Bear shortage forces London Zoo to bleach dogs
London Zoo was under fire last night when it was revealed that they had been bleaching dogs and passing them off to the unsuspecting public as polar bears.
Read full storyGlastonbury Rumours Rife As The Police Reform
Glastonbury founder Michael Beavis was today thanking his persistent nagging as The Police famed for hits like 'Roxanne' & 'Don't Stand So Close To Me' announced they would be pe...
Read full storyDame Helen Mirren Flashes Golden Globes
Dame Helen Mirren, has taken a strong grasp on this years Golden Globe Awards which took place in Karbul last night, winning Two awards for Elizabeth II in The Queen, a film about the Monarch's days a teenage hooker, but...
Read full storyIkea In Proper Furniture Shake-up
There was a bit of a kerfuffle in the world of retail yesterday when it was announced that Ikea would be actually starting to sell some decent furniture at last.
Read full story"Hanging Was Safe" says Hangman
The executions of Barzan Ibrahim and his lover, Awad Hamed al-Bandar, were completely safe and in accordance with guidelines which will be issued tomorrow by The Society For Problem-free Hangings.
Read full storyWorld's First Uterus Transplant on the Drawing Board, Bill O'Reilly to be Recipient
The unselfish, caring, talk-show host has told friends, "The folks have to be taken care of, even when I'm no longer around to do it."...
Read full storyFlaws Found in Intelligent Design Theory
In an announcement sure to rock the scientific world, Dr. Jack Harvey, a noted biochemist, claims he has found several flaws in the scientifically regarded theory of "intelligent design".
Read full storyFirst DWBJ Arrest Made by New Task Force
It was just a matter of time before NYPD's new cracker-jack DWBJ task force would make their first bust. After a boring week of reeling in some driving while drunk, text messaging, eating Big Macs and a few shavers and eye shadowers a DWBJ finall...
Read full storyNFL Linesmen and Linebackers in Work Stoppage
"It's not just about the QB!" was the chant of striking linebackers and linesmen during their demonstration outside the NFL President's office. "We're sick and tired of the camera following the ball", screamed a NFL li...
Read full storyRed Sox Agree 2090 Is Their WS Goal!
Red Sox management and on-field manager and coaches agree that a World Series Championship in 2090 is a worthy goal.
Read full storyUnemployment in Children Under 12 Skyrockets
Arguably the clearest illustration of the horrific condition of our economy, a study by the New York Times has shown unemployment in children under the age of twelve to be at an all-time high. The study revealed that nearly 93% of children in America...
Read full storyNY Times calls Circumcision The True Aids Vaccine!
The NY Times brutally devalued the work of thousands of vaccine researchers at the most prestigious Medical research universities and laboratories today by discrediting their work thus far on an HIV vaccine as "an utter failure!".
Read full storyMutant Robot Crabs Run Riot In North Sea
Fears in Cromer Norfolk that the sea has been taken over by a strain of mutant robot crabs.
Read full storySaddam Aides Executed and One Beheaded by God - Iraqi Government Adviser
According to the Government ad...
Read full storyRaytheon Settles Strike; Both Sides Thank Retards
In a surprising development, Union members accepted the less than generous new settlement offer from Raytheon execution-I mean -executives. The one thing both sides could agree on was the indispensable role of their retarded workers. Raytheon VP Bill...
Read full story