New York - (Rioters): Supermodel Naomi Campbell has been sentenced to 50 hours training with the US Women's Olympic shot put team after Manhattan Criminal Court Judge Robert Mandelbaum praised her steely determination to hurl a variety of projectiles at insubordinate employees but bemoaned her lack of finesse in the execution of her objectives.
Campbell, 35, was initially speechless at the verdict but soon recoverd and began castigating the sentence as 'cruel and unusual', claiming that it was a stitch-up to place her in an environment 'full of bad-assed bull-dykes ready to eat me alive in retribution'.
But the prosecution stuck to its guns and immediately took out an enforcement order that will see Naomi groomed to Olympic standard fitness in a gruelling daily 12 hour work-out regime with some of the country's toughest lady specimens.
Lawyers for Campbell were ordered to lodge an immediate appeal but were warned that hysteric video footage of their client smashing up a yacht after rejecting some yummy morsel on the dinner menu was immediately available for coast-to-coast publication if the sentence objection was carried through. Likewise her mile-high attempt to silence an underling with a similar phone-bash ploy that resulted in the entire journey being abandoned and the passenger jet she was travelling on having to turn back home.
The chastened supermodel may still have one card up her sleeve - a televised interview with Oprah, bemoaning her deprived background as the reason for her misunderstood recent behaviour while out of her teeny weeny on crack cocaine.
If that doesn't do it there is always the possibility of adopting an Iraqi orphan baby and pleading maternal committments in lieu of community service sentence.