George Washington's 1787 Constitutional Convention Letter Warned Americans about the Bushes
Union, New Jersey - (Ass Mess): A newly discovered letter written by George Washington, the first president of the United States, detailing the Constitutional Convention warned eightenneth century Americans about the Bush family's gargantuan ambi...
Read full storySpider-Man 3.5... Spiderman Joins the Dark Side
CCN - (Crazy Cal News) - Culver City, CA (April 4, 2007) - The Tribeca Film Festival Announced that Spider-Man 3, directed by Sam Raimi, will have its U.S. Premiere at the 2007 Tribeca Film Festival, presented by American Express.
Read full storyVirgie Arthur threatens to chain herself to airport runway
Nassau, Bahamas - (Ass Mess): So determined is Anna Nicole Smith's mother Virgie Arthur to get her hands on her maybe-heiress grand daughter Dannielynn that she is preparing to chain herself to the Nassau airport runway in a bid to prevent the ba...
Read full storyTotal rubbish Diana tribute concert will be moved to Sellafield landfill site
London - (Ass Mess): The July 1st total rubbish Princess Diana concert is to be moved from Hyde Park to an alternative venue at a landfill site near Sellafield, the country's most toxic nuclear power station.
Read full storyTeacher Forces Student to Urinate in a Bottle
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Maryland - A Maryland teacher instructed three boys who needed a bathroom break to urinate into a soda bottle. School policy requires eighth-graders to be escorted to the restroom. The teacher suggested the bottle Friday when...
Read full storyKate Middleton: prospective Puppet Monarchy in-laws drove me nuts
London - (Ass Mess): Royal ex-girlfriend Kate Middleton has told friends that the real reason behind her break-up with William was the horror of finding out that his family are merely a Puppet Monarchy controlled by the Bushes and funded by baksheesh...
Read full storyGeorge Tenet Says Reason for War was a Charade
Former CIA director, George Tenet, has lashed out against Vice President Dick Cheney in a new book, accusing him of egging him on into making the case that Iraq had WMD.
Read full storyCanadian Prime Minister Admits His Ministers Are War Criminals
OTTAWA (CP) - Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper has admitted there is "clear evidence" that members of his government and army are war criminals, since they are knowingly handing over insurgent prisoners of war to be tortured by the Af...
Read full storyCadbury's lose out
Today Greenpeace hippies sued Cadbury's chocolate, exposing the chopping down of cream egg trees in Russia and then smuggling the eggs to the UK in sheep transporting lorries carrying a rare breed of lilac Russian sheep, whose wool is used for th...
Read full storyIndian PM Orders: "Kill Richard Gere!"
The Indian government has issued a death warrant for Richard Gere, the aging American actor who showed disrespect to their culture last week.
Read full storyNASA Axes Uranus, Causing Public Outcry
(MMP News) In a startling and seemingly unjustified move, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) has stated that it will no longer recognize Uranus as a planet. Top officials claim it no longer fits the contemporary definition of a...
Read full storyWall of Sound Testifies Against Spector
Silence fell upon Los Angeles Superior Court today as one of Phil Spector's closest allies took the stand. The majestic Wall of Sound stunned the courtroom with the revelation: "Yes, Phil pulled a gun on me too."...
Read full storyHemel Hempstead man to get Millions
Hemel Hempstead, Evening Herald & Post. A man in Hemel Hempstead has been e-mailed by a solicitor in Ghana asking if he could help with a foreign money transfer of 20,000 US Dollars.
Read full storyAnna Nicole case judge Larry pleads not guilty of going to pot
Florida - (Ass Mess): Yet another man called Larry from the Anna Nicole Smith saga is in the limelight today as Judge Larry Korda, who presided over burial arriangements for the late Playboy centerfold Anna Nicole Smith, filed a written plea of not g...
Read full storyCal-el Finds Alaska in His Freezer
Today, while looking at pictures of his late Texas Ranger grandfather, Cal-el got thirsty and decided to have a mint julep. He went to his Texas freezer to get some ice cubes. Much to his surprise, when he opened the freezer door, he found Alaska. He almost dropped it in his julep glass, thinking it was an ice cube.
Read full storyMatthew Mellon courtroom drama continues
London - (Ass Mess): The London High Court case prosecuting oil and banking wannabe-heir Matthew Mellon for electronic hacking and snooping activities has heard how the corrupt ex-cops he hired to do the dirty were duped into trying to penetrate the...
Read full storyJolie: a jolly deadly disease?
Hollywood - (Ass Mess): Jolie: the French word means pretty, as in pretty woman, pretty girl. But Hollywood actress Angelina Jolie is sitting far from pretty in health terms according to a celebrity gossip column which has stated unequivocably that...
Read full storyJade Goody - Wild Woman Of The Woods!
Jade Goody, celebrity unemployable idiot, continues her spectacular fall from grace with reports that she has gone wild and is living in a makeshift tent in Epping Forest.
Read full storyJapanese movie star Maiko Kawakami bought poodle that was a sheep
Tokyo - (Ass mess): Ewe've been had! The entertainment industry press is having a good laugh today amid reports that one of Japan's top movie stars Maiko Kawakami was so dumb that she couldn't tell the diference between a lamb and a pedgr...
Read full storyLampard: "Jose Mourinho Doesn't Do Crack!"
"Jose Moaninho does not take crack!" That was the message from Chelsea midfielder Frank Lamp-post today, in defence of his beleaguered manager, Joe Moaner.
Read full storyMoon to Earth: You're Not the Boss of Me
HIGH EARTH ORBIT (AP Newsliar) - Responding to the latest barb in the war of words between the Earth and its Moon, the Moon today fired back: "You're not the boss of me."...
Read full storyHellfire Harry threatens to join Al Qaeda if stopped from going to Iraq
London - (Ass mess): The Pretender to the Throne's gingernut son Harry has threatened to join Al Qaeda if he is stopped from going to Iraq because of the offside rule that says he would be a massive liability to the rest of his platoon chums.
Read full storyNo more Limbo For The Pope
Pope Benedict XVI has brought to an end the 800 year old concept of limbo, following a theological study, the Vatican has announced.
Read full storyCash for peerages cops focus on Lord Levy and the 9/11 massacre
London - (Ass Mess): Lord Levy, the blind trust portfolio bagman to UK Prime Monster Tony Blair, his personal Middle East envoy, chief WMD/yellowcake uranium fantasist and top racketeering partner responisble for flogging peerages, is squirming with...
Read full storySteven Hawkings in Zero Gravity
CCN - NASA - Today, Stephen Hawking was taken aboard the the "vomit comet," putting him one step closer to going to space. Space, the final frontier... Yes, Mr. Hawking enjoyed the experience and was overjoyed at the prospect of being in...
Read full storyPope prompts panic passing punitive prayers potentially purveying pogroms
Pope Benedict's plans to revive the Latin Mass, which includes prayers for the conversion of Jews, is causing concern among Catholic and Jewish groups about relations between their faiths.
Read full storyScary Spice Munched My Rug!
Top furniture chain Ikea was in uproar today as Scary Spice Mel B lost her temper after being refused admission with her super sized pram and actually savaged an entire window display, including smashing several tables and tearing at a "Vulfaa&q...
Read full storyBike theft new Olympic sport!
The International Olympic Committee has announced that bicycle theft is to become an Olympic sport.
Read full storyRoger Ebert Frightens Many At Overlooked Film Festival
CHICAGO, ILLINOISE-(FANGORIA) A decision to bravely face the world can sometimes NOT get the appropriate reception originally perceived. That was the dilemma facing long time tv host of PBS "At The Movies" /Chicago Sun Time...
Read full storyPrince Harry Escapes Iraq - Gets Top Equus Role
Prince Harry was today said to be thrilled at landing the lead role in acclaimed play Equus. The palace is said to be behind the move, in a last ditch attempt to avoid Harry being shipped to Iraq. Privately, Prince Philip is said to have declared, &q...
Read full storyShilpa Shetty serving saucy succulent snappy snacks!
MUMBAI (Rooters) - Shilpa Shetty, the winner of reality television show "Celebrity TeleTubbies", will open a chain of Indian curry houses in Britain, a newspaper reported on Friday.
Read full storyWolfowitz Asks "What Is Wrong With My Graft and Corruption At the World Bank?"
WASHINGTON (AP) - Defending himself against charges of personal graft and corruption as President of the Word Bank, Paul Wolfowitz asked his peers, "What Is wrong with my graft and corruption at the Bank?"...
Read full storyRegis Philbin Returns To Talk Show
NEW YORK--(ASP) Looking none to much for wear & tear, that immutable and zesty host of "Live with Regis and Kelly" returned to daytime talk showland. Having been gone for a good 6 weeks, Regis Philbin underwent a qu...
Read full storyClubbers Warned About New Drug
Cluubers have been warned by a group doctors, about the dangers of a new drug that is prevalant on the club scene and is seen as an alternative to Ecstacy.
Read full storyCristiano Ronaldo and Jose Mourinho Go At It
Chelsea manager Jose Moaninho and Melchester United heart throb Crustiano Retardo have entered into a war of words, the like of which, has never before been heard in Portuguese.
Read full storyObama Preparing for Attack by Hillary Clinton
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Barack Hussein Obama Junior is preparing for an attack by U.S. Senator Hillary Clinton. Hillary announced that she was going to do more high dollar fund raisers, especially for those contributors who can pony up the maximum $4...
Read full storyRush Limbaugh Back on Drugs, Has Psychotic Episode
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - On his radio show, Rush Limbaugh had a psychotic episode in which he said, "had to be a liberal."...
Read full storyHillary Dominates Seven Men, Vows Retaliation
(South Carolina) -- Hillary Clinton has emerged as the leading presidential contender among 8 declared Democratic candidates in the first debate of this 19- month (Jezuz!) election season. Big losers were John Edwards and Barack Obama. Edwards'...
Read full storyThe Republic of Texas Secedes from the Union
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - The Great Republic of Texas - Today, President Bush announced that he was having Texas secede from the Union. He said that he wanted to be sure that he had a place to rule if he decides to leave office in 2008.
Read full storyJack Valenti's Funeral To Be Rated R
LOS ANGELES, April 26, 2007 -- Due to strong adult content, including intense grief and a graphic depiction of a dead body, the funeral of former Motion Picture Assoc. of America chairman Jack Valenti will be rated R, and children in attendance under...
Read full storySpam Stimulates Brain, say Researchers
New York, Apr 27 - In a major setback to anti-spammers around the world, a group of researchers under the banner of Association of Scientific Spam (ASS) have proven that spam mail, otherwise known as junk mail, stimulates the growth of the brain cell...
Read full storyTexan Finds Formula for Perfect Head of Beer
A Texas scientist may have cracked the code for the perfect head on a glass of beer, and perhaps much more in the process.
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