London - (Ass Mess): The July 1st total rubbish Princess Diana concert is to be moved from Hyde Park to an alternative venue at a landfill site near Sellafield, the country's most toxic nuclear power station.
The new venue will reflect both the caliber of the musical acts performing at the concert as well as the character and personality of the woman they will be etoilating: a totally toxic bunch of crap performing a needlessly polluted role on a stage set of Hellfire Club puppets.
The decision has been taken by the owners of Hyde Park out of whose taxes the Park is maintained.
The move was also partially prompted following an outcry among the remaining sane majority of Brits who agree that during her lifetime Diana was no more than a Hellfire Club slapper whose most notable success was the sheer volume of men that she slept with apart from Charles, the Pretender to the Puppet Throne.
Of her self-confessed conquests there are at least twenty males proven to have had the dubious pleasure of shagging Diana while all the time she cultivated that butter-wouldn't-melt-in-her-ass saintly public image of a landmine-decrying, baby-hugging patron saint of downtrodden wives.
The decision to dump the concert may be met with hostility by the local Sellafield community who believe they already have far too much crap to contend with as it is.
But the Hyde Park decision is irreversible and goes hand in hand with the dismantling of the tawdry and financially ruinous cesspit that is the Princess Diana Memorial Fountain.
Kate Middleton is 25.
