Regis Philbin Returns To Talk Show

Funny story written by Moose&Squirell

Friday, 27 April 2007

image for Regis Philbin Returns To Talk Show
Regis Philbin: Lost some weight, but feels fine.

NEW YORK--(ASP) Looking none to much for wear & tear, that immutable and zesty host of "Live with Regis and Kelly" returned to daytime talk showland. Having been gone for a good 6 weeks, Regis Philbin underwent a quintriple by-pass surgery and according to the surgeon working during the operation, Regis died on the operating table.

Moments later after calling it & covering the body, Regis sat up and announced that he felt fine. As the weeks went by Regis continued with his recovery, building up strength by walking and lifting light weights. Regis is a new man, if not a...different individual. For he has lost all flesh, muscle and blood and only his skeletal frame survives.

Regis Philbin refuses to die! "I can't leave now, I have so much more to give the entertainment industry!" The "Dead With Regis and Kelly" audience cheered as Philbin walked onto the set with co-host Kelly Ripa (name changed so as not to confuse viewers). "What an adventure this has been," Philbin said. "Finally back after six weeks. ... And one day." The 75 year old said he'd lost 148 pounds and feels great!

"It is an impossible procedure with a narrow chance of survival, but the rewards are wonderful", he said of the surgery. Last month, Philbin talked of having the operation because "There's some plaque & tartar in some arteries and I've got to get it roto-rooter-cleaned out." He joked that when he returns to the show, he'll stick to his diet religiously because of the operation. Though he says he really hasn't felt hungry lately.

CBS "Late Show" host David Letterman was a guest on the show. Letterman looked at the transformed Regis and quipped, "Have you thought about a career in modeling?!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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