Indian PM Orders: "Kill Richard Gere!"

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 27 April 2007

image for Indian PM Orders: "Kill Richard Gere!"
Not in India, thank you very much!

The Indian government has issued a death warrant for Richard Gere, the aging American actor who showed disrespect to their culture last week.

Mr Gere, whose middle name is Tiffany, accepted a kiss from Miss World Shilpa Shetty, and embraced her in a way most Indians reserve for the privacy of their own bedrooms, if they have one.

The warrant of death, though, is not so much to do with the incident with Miss Shetty as it is for simply being Richard Tiffany Gere.

Mr Manmohan Singh, the Indian Prime Minister spoke to the people on Indian national television last night, saying:

"This actor is all washed-up. His last great film was Chicago, and he has done nothing of any value since."

He then spoke in a more sinister voice as he said:

"It is the duty of the Indian people to RISE UP AND KILL MR RICHARD GERE."

Gere told Jon Stewart of The Daily Show that he wasn't concerned and that, if the situation arose again, he would probably kiss Miss Shetty in a place that would not occur to Indians, whether in their bedrooms or not.

Gere was in India to see his friend the Dalai Lama, who lives in exile in the north of the country.

Speaking from his hut somewhere, Mr Lama said:

"I don't know what all the fuss is about. It's not as if he tore her knickers off!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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