Sunday Tabloids ALL Run Fictional Headlines! - Lack Of Real News Cited
You couldn't make it up! Every single one of Britain's notorious red top Sunday tabloids, with one single exception, has led today with a totally fictional headline! In an unprecedented move, a number of editors issued a joint statement expressing...
Read full storyHugh Hefner Buys The Los Angeles Clippers And Renames Them The Los Angeles Playboys
LOS ANGELES - Hugh Hefner said that it was not a good week for him, what with getting dumped by his fiancee and all, so he went out and did something to lift up his spirits. He decided to purchase the NBA Los Angeles Clippers. He called up team ow...
Read full storyHarry Redknapp To Found A New Religion - Cockology
The disturbing news emanating from White Hart Lane appears to be hinting that Tottenham Hotspur FC are preparing to found a new global religion "a bit like wot that L Ron Hubbard geezer done wiv Scientology," and that the new religion - Cockology - i...
Read full storyOstriches BBQ Brits in Southern Russia
Thousands of anxious parents are awaiting news concerning the fate of the 56,735 children who were secretly barbecued by the ostrich community in Southern Russia after their UFO crash landed on June 18th. The ostriches, who obviously knew their Lo...
Read full storyFootball Match "Not a Classic" despite efforts of media
Despite an extensive and prolonged media effort, last nights top of the table clash turned out to be a slightly underwhelming nil-nil draw, of the type that makes well adjusted football fans shrug philosophically and Alan Green explode in self-righte...
Read full storyA Brief History of German Comedy
Comedy, or Komödie as it is known in Deutsch, is not the first thing you think of when you think about Germany. The Germans are far better known for their mechanical expertise, their superlative beers, and their invasions of other countries. But you would be surprised at the wit that lies beneath those bristling moustaches and finely-pressed uniforms. Here we explore a brief history of German humo...
Read full storyLetters To The Editor - About Letters To The Editor
Dear Sir, I'm writing to you in order to express my disgust at the sudden proliferation of so called Letters To The Editor. If you ask me, it's just stupid. I mean, it's not like writing to you is going to make any difference to anything, because you're just a bleeding editor when all's said and done. This whole letters to the editor thing is just pointless. I mean, what are you going to do abo...
Read full storyNew York legalizes "Gay Marijuana"... AutoCorrect error shifts the focus of the law from "hugs" to "drugs"
Albany, New York - New York lawmakers have passed a bill that legalizes "Gay Marijuana" in the state. The lawmakers had been working on a law to approve same-sex marriage in New York, but a last-minute AutoCorrect glitch changed the complexion of the...
Read full storyGiant zit appears on Kate's temple
Temple of the Mount, Windsore - Smothered in nearly an inch of industrial strength concealer make-up the huge pus-filled globule looked in imminent danger of bursting at today's medal handout ceremony. It sprang up, crap circle-like, above her lef...
Read full storyMichele Obama states, "I've had it, I'm running for President."
Michele Obama recently met with Nelson Mandela, and told him, "I've had it up to here, I'm running for President. As a Republican, I don't want the girls being brought up in this political environment. I see what is happening, I know what they are up...
Read full storyRoyal Freak Hospital shrinks to assess LulzSec hacker
London - Leading deviancy specialists from the hospital's school of cynical - er...clinical! - psychiatry will assess the Essex hacker, it has been reported. Ryan Cleary's mental state will be probed amid claims 'he's got Aspergers' - just like Pe...
Read full storyRon Paul vindicated as $335 bn of gold bullion vanishes from NY Federal Reserve
New York - Seven thousand metric tonnes of the precious metal have gone missing from the New York Federal reserve according to Texas congressman Ron Paul. The wannabe 2012 GOP presidential candidate fears the $335 billion hoard, last audited at th...
Read full storyBellfield Conviction In Milly Dowler Murder Case Re-Ignites Death Penalty Debate
The conviction of serial killer Levi Bellfield in the Milly Dowler murder case has raised many fundamental questions about the propriety of the British legal system. Quite correctly, Milly's family members vociferously objected to having their liv...
Read full storyOutrage as Average British Male realises gulf between him and Pippa Middleton
There was widespread disappointment amongst male British office workers today as it became clear that despite the amount of sheer bollocks spouted after four pints in the pub on Friday night, they are more likely to contract Dengue fever in Norwich t...
Read full storyAndy Murray tells his mum to stop flashing her tits at Wimbledon
Andy Murray has carpeted his mum Judy for embarrassing him at Wimbledon. Blonde Judy has been double faulting with her son's potential quarter final opponent Feliciano Lopez. Divorcee Judy Murray, who describes herself as slim, attractive, gsoh...
Read full storyAndy Murray Vows To Give It His Best Shot (Again)
British number 1 tennis player, Andy Murray, the gaunt, unshaven Scot, has vowed to give it his best shot, and to try his very bestest as he tries to become the first home-based player to win the Wimbledon title in more than 500 years this week. M...
Read full storyKate Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge, wears a dress
Taking the worlds of fashion by storm, as it was raining really heavily at the time, Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge arrived at a Royal Engagement wearing a dress. The Royal Engagement of Prince Kevin of Mayo to Princess Chardonnay of Toxteth...
Read full storyU2 Announce New "Understatement" tour
U2 are eagerly planning to get back on the road having been inroduced to the concept of Understatement by listening to a bunch of records they are planning to rip-off in an insipid and half assed manner. The "Understatement" tour will be carried f...
Read full storyConcern for Thatcher's health raises fears for "Day of Mourning"
Recent concerns about the health of Baroness Thatcher have once again prompted fears that a coalition of senior Tories, Tabloid editors and those jerks who will do anything for a day off and the chance to wave a flag in public will force the rest of...
Read full storyCultural Significance of Aerosmith Dissected
Academics are proud to announce that they have established the meaning behind glam metal band Aerosmith's most impenetrable lyric. "It took us years", admits Professor Simon Mullet of The Lowlands University (formerly Berwick Sixth Form College), "but we have established that Steven Tyler thinks that some bloke he knows looks a bit like a girl." Mullet says that the hours poring over Aerosmi...
Read full storyU2 Rock Glastonbury... Phew!
Torrential rain failed to dampen the spirits of the Glastonbury crowds last night as they rocked out to headliners U2. And there was a huge communal sigh of relief as the world's biggest rock band successfully trawled through their 30-year back-ca...
Read full storyLondon Gay Pride Parade Cancelled
This year's London Gay Pride Parade has been cancelled. Organisers say that they feel that homosexuality is almost universally accepted, and there is no need to ram their sexuality down anyone's throats any more. It was first considered to rename...
Read full story"Not much point to Canada anymore" says British MP
During a speech at Westminster on Thursday, Labour MP David Lefty addressed the subject of Anglo-Canadian relations. "For years," Lefty remarked "Canada had a special place in our hearts as a a place that was a bit like America, but without the te...
Read full storyBBC Blasted By News Chief Over TV Centre Sale
The BBC has been blasted by one of the country's most powerful media magnates after talks over the sale of TV Centre stalled. As we reported last week, Television Centre, in west London, has been put up for sale by the BBC as part of cost-slashing...
Read full storyAmerica's Got Talent: Anna Graceman, An Extremely Talented Young Singer Like Last Year's Jackie Evancho But In English
HOLLYWOOD - Eleven-year-old Anna Graceman who is one of the early favorites on this year's edition of America's Got Talent says she likes to watch iCarly, The Wizards of Waverly Place, The Weather Channel, and The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
Read full storyRon Artest of The Los Angeles Lakers To Change His Name To Metta World Peace
LOS ANGELES - Ron Artest of the Los Angeles Lakers recently spoke with fellow teammate Kobe Bryant and told him that he is planning on undergoing a name change. Bryant reportedly looked at him and told him if he changes his name to Ron Weiner he p...
Read full storyBarcelona and Arsenal in Euromillions Battle
Barcelona have over the past few seasons been unsuccessful in re-signing their boyhood wonder, Francesc Fabregas, who was snapped up by Arsenal FC as a youngster. In order to realise their dream they have taken extraordinary steps. It has been rep...
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