Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 25 June 2011

image for Ron Artest of The Los Angeles Lakers To Change His Name To Metta World Peace
Ron Artest who at the age of two was already showing signs of being a brawler.

LOS ANGELES - Ron Artest of the Los Angeles Lakers recently spoke with fellow teammate Kobe Bryant and told him that he is planning on undergoing a name change.

Bryant reportedly looked at him and told him if he changes his name to Ron Weiner he promises that he will tell the team owner Jerry Buss to trade his altercation-seeking ass to the Washington Nationals.

Ron Artest is considered to be one of the leagues leading brawlers and receives more than his share of flagrant fouls and technicals each year.

The quick-tempered Artest, who stands 6 foot 7, weighs 260, and speaks in somewhat broken English, told Kobe to shut his egomaniacal mouth or he would shut it for him and not to disrespect him like he disrespected Shaquille O'Neal cause he would hit him so hard that his wife Vanessa's boobs would end up hurting for a week.

Bryant told him that he was as crazy as Gary Busey. Artest got a puzzled look on his face and asked Bryant what team Gary Busey plays for.

Kobe then asked Ron what he plans on changing his name to and Artest giggled like Malia Obama and said that he is changing it to Metta World Peace.

Bryant started laughing. He asked Artest what the hell he had been drinking, snorting, or shooting up. Artest grabbed Kobe by the pink Justin Bieber T-shirt he was wearing and told him that he didn't drink, snort, or shoot nothing.

He then tossed Bryant to the floor and told him that if he ever makes fun of his new name again he will bite off both of his ears, his self-centered tongue, and all of the fingers on his shooting hand.

Kobe apologized and asked him if Metta World Peace was an African name or what. Artest told him that it was a name he had seen in an article written by Sports Territory sports writer Atwood "Overtime" McSparrow.

He went on to say that it is actually northern Norwegian and means, loving kindness. Kobe got a puzzled look on his face and asked him if he was gay.

Artest grabbed him by his big nostriled nose and swung him around tossing him to the floor. He then put his size 16 Nike in his mouth and told him that he is getting tired of him making fun of him.

Kobe mumbled something or other. Artest told him to speak up. Bryant uttered ahhhmmmmohhh and Ron took his tennis shoe out of Kobe's mouth.

Bryant hollered that Artest was a crazy, dumb, jive ass (blank) and took off running at full speed. Ron ran after him but he could not catch him.

SIDENOTE: The word from the Lakers front office is that Ron Artest (or Metta World Peace) will most probably be traded to the Managua (Nicaragua) Coconut Gatherers of the Central American Basketball League (CABL).

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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