Celebrated Model Says She Had 'Relations' With Trump
A celebrated model has, in an interview with a local newspaper, claimed that she had had 'relations' with Trumpty Dumpty, as she calls him. The model, Tammy Twisterpecker, 19, told a reporter from The Pittsburgh Post that she received a misdirecte...
Read full storyPresident Trump Touts “Game-changer Bigger Than Hydrochloroquine" in Battle Against Coronavirus Spread
(Washington, DC) President Trump excitedly took to the podium in today’s White House Coronavirus briefing by proclaiming he had uncovered a miracle breakthrough in the battle to fight the spread of the highly-contagious virus, and was fast-tracking f...
Read full storyGeorge Conway Says That He Heard That Trump Paid Hush Money to Caitlyn Jenner
WASHINGTON, D.C. – George Conway, who is one of the directors of the national Dump Trump 2020 movement, was quoted in The Washington Post-Express as saying that the president recently paid out some hush money. Conway, who is married to the presid...
Read full storyFBI Storm Troopers Strike Again: They Got Roger Stone, Now The Donald
BILLINGSGATE POST: On January 15, 2019, the only man in the world with a tattoo of Richard Nixon on his back, was apprehended by a FBI Swat Team in the early morning hours at his home in Florida. Newly-revealed TOP SECRET documents decoded by BIL…
Read full storyMore Letters To The Editor About Coronavirus
Dear Sir, I want to say how much I deploy the criqttkcet's of Donald Trump in this cronerviral 19. Who else would have handied it quiet like him? Who elss has his karismer to stand there and face the muzak like he? For instant'e, they ata-c'k h...
Read full storyYear 2020 Gets Dumped
THE year 2020 has been officially postponed. A top level meeting of all world leaders at the United Nations in New York, decided that, after a disastrous start to the new decade, it was best just to start it again next year. Secretary General o...
Read full storyThe Exploding Butler of Hump Hall, Part III
Gentle reader, it has been a long time since the previous parts of this tale were published. Perhaps they should not have been. But that nagging uncertainty notwithstanding, here are the 2 previous parts, for those foolish enough to venture where few...
Read full storyNashville Man Considers Becoming Supremacist of Some Sort
Detached from the mass hysteria over pandemics and confident in his ability to survive COVID-19 should he become infected, Ben Stephens of Nashville, Tennessee, began considering becoming a supremacist of some sort. The only question was, what kind?…
Read full storyChinese government releases new national flag
In recognition of the excellent economic boost the COVID-19 pandemic has given China, Leader For Life Or Longer, See Imkingpin, has announced a new national flag will immediately replace the Five-Starred Red Flag. Anyone flying the old flag after mid...
Read full storyTime Taking Longer To Happen During Lockdown
The well-worn phrase which implies that time moves faster when we are enjoying ourselves, and that it drags when we are not, has been given scientific credibility at last, after countless people rang the BBC to complain that time was now progressing...
Read full storyManchester United Captain Harry Maguire Going To Barcelona?
It seems almost too unbelievable to be true - especially at this moment in time, with the whole world at the mercy of a global health scare from the Coronavirus pandemic - but it seems that Manchester United and England defender, Harry Maguire, has s...
Read full storyGreen Bay Packers Quarterback Aaron Rodgers Says He’s Keeping in Shape by Throwing Passes to Danica Patrick
DEL MAR, California – Aaron Rodgers and his girlfriend, Danica Patrick, have been quietly sheltering in place in their mansion in Del Mar. The Packers quarterback says that, since the two are self-isolating, they go out in the backyard every day,...
Read full storyMelania Trump is Now Adding the Phrase “Be Safe” to Her “Be Best” School of First Lady Phraselogy
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The First lady has made a very rare public service television ad. Dressed in a $9,000 gown from Yves Saint Laurent Mrs. Trump recently talked about the importance of self-distancing. She noted that she, personally, has been keep...
Read full storyMan Kidnaps Woman and Demands a Ransom of 40 Rolls of Toilet Paper
NEWARK, New Jersey – Newark police have just announced that they have received a very unusual ransom note from an individual who has kidnapped the 24-year-old daughter of well-known Newark attorney, V.K. Fillatingo. Lt. Rusty Keyweather, with the...
Read full storyLocal man converts bath to shower with wife still in it
A local DIY enthusiast has told The East London Gazette that he converted the bath in his upstairs bathroom into a spacious, walk-in shower - while his wife remained in the tub. Toby Dell, a forklift truck engineer from Dock Street, revealed: "The...
Read full storyFamily Spending Lockdown Time Playing KerPlunk, Mousetrap, And Cluedo
A family of four who have been trapped in their own home for more than three weeks now, due to the government's lockdown arrangements, have revealed that, as well as eating, sleeping, watching TV, and arguing, they've been spending most of the rest o...
Read full story