Time Taking Longer To Happen During Lockdown

Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 13 April 2020

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Have you been watching too much TV?

The well-worn phrase which implies that time moves faster when we are enjoying ourselves, and that it drags when we are not, has been given scientific credibility at last, after countless people rang the BBC to complain that time was now progressing more slowly than it once had.

The fabric of Time, thought to be the one constant and uncorrupted feature of the universe, an unalterable cosmological Law, and a system put in place by God, no less, has finally been pushed to its limit, and does not equal what it did in the pre-Corona days.

One man who has been trapped in his home in Oaf-on-Sea, East Yorkshire, is Myke Woodson. He said:

"Time's dragging. It's too slow. I timed it myself. I used a stopwatch to time how long passed between the start of the Six O'clock News on Thursday, and the same programme on Friday. The difference - mark my words - was 24 hours and 13 minutes. Don't say I didn't warn you!"

Others have the same story. Mabel Gitt, from Mithering-on-Trent, moaned:

"I'm sick of it! Absolutely fed up! It feels as if everything has been slowed down. Even when I get up to go and empty me bladder, I seem to be walking in slow motion."

Bookworm, Jack Page, claimed he had been reading an H.G. Wells novel last Friday, when, on finishing the tale, he realised it was only Thursday.

And Eric Cobbler, in Mope, said:

"There's definitely been a break in the space-time continuum. I blame the government."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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