Harry Maguire’s Balls Fail Test: Heads To Fall In New “Deflategate”
BILLINGSGATE POST: Managing Director of the Premier League, Richard Masters, announced today that Harry Maguire’s balls were tested by ACME Ball Evaluators, a subsidiary of the ACME Corporation. The results, Masters revealed, showed evidence of pre...
Read full storyThe Magpie Murder
A notorious magpie in Sydney has been shot dead today, prompting many to agree that “the Aussies don’t take shit”. The magpie, which wasn’t given a name because people just knew they were going to have to kill the bastard, was known to attack passers...
Read full storyNashville Man Finds Steely Resolve at Junkyard
Finding that his personal discipline had grown a bit rusty, Randall Freeman of Nashville, Tennessee, popped down to the local junkyard, where he managed to negotiate a great deal on some discarded but fully workable steely resolve. “It’s actually...
Read full storyMané to quit soccer for golf
This is Reporter 87, bringing you news from the football grounds. Today, I'm at Anfield. Yesterday, reports were made that Sadio Mané, professional footballer for Liverpool FC was involved in a slight conflict with fellow striker Mo Salah because...
Read full storyHarry Maguire Signing Was "The Last Straw", Says Alexis Sanchez
Alexis Sanchez, the Manchester United striker, who has signed a season-long loan deal with Italian giants, Inter Milan, has said his decision to leave Old Trafford was finally taken when manager Ole Gunnar Solskjaer bought Harry Maguire for £80millio...
Read full storyTrump is Controlling Hurricane Dorian by Twitter Feed
Somewhere in Virginia, President Trump once again proved his power, as he informed the nation that he was keeping Hurricane Dorian under control via his executive powers and Twitter feed while golfing in Virginia. "I, the Chosen One, am doing my b...
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