Somewhere in Virginia, President Trump once again proved his power, as he informed the nation that he was keeping Hurricane Dorian under control via his executive powers and Twitter feed while golfing in Virginia.
"I, the Chosen One, am doing my best to protect the U.S. during this time of mighty storms, and I am the one to do it. I hope everybody has noticed that the hurricane has not yet hit the United States," said Trump.
"Of course, we wouldn't have this problem if the states had just followed my recommendations and built walls around their borders. Let's see a hurricane get through a big, fat wall! Walls will keep us safe!" said Trump.