Nashville Man Finds Steely Resolve at Junkyard

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Tuesday, 3 September 2019

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A man of integrity, Randall Freeman found what he was looking for at the junkyard.

Finding that his personal discipline had grown a bit rusty, Randall Freeman of Nashville, Tennessee, popped down to the local junkyard, where he managed to negotiate a great deal on some discarded but fully workable steely resolve.

“It’s actually stainless steel,” said Freeman. “So it won’t rust over like my resolve usually does.”

And Freeman wasted no time in putting that new-to-him steely resolve to use. On his way home from the dump, he stopped in at a gym he’d been meaning to join, which happened to be running a limited-time special on an unlimited-use membership.

“Silver Level membership for just ten bucks a month,” said Freeman. “I asked if they had a Steel Level, but they didn't. But I figured silver’s close enough.”

Freeman took the opportunity to get in an abs and upper body workout on the spot. “Just forty minutes, but enough to get some blood pumping," he said. "And some endorphins going."

Afterward, to seal the deal on his healthy living kick, Freeman ducked into the juice bar next door for a wheatgrass shot. He toasted with the juice bar worker, a cute, fit young woman named McKenzie Reed, who said she admired his commitment to fitting in a workout in the middle of a weekday. When Freeman told her about the steely resolve he’d found at the junkyard, McKenzie winked and said that she was a sucker for a handy man – and did Freeman want to go into the back room with her and show her just how handy he was.

“I did, of course I did,” said Freeman. “But I’d just gotten this new steely resolve. And I had things to do at home.”

Freeman told McKenzie that he wasn’t looking for a trashy backroom fling, but if she was seriously open to pursing a committed long-term relationship, he would love to take her to dinner that Friday night. McKenzie was momentarily nonplussed – and then agreed to a real date.

Freeman left the juice bar and drove home, his honor and his steely resolve unsullied and intact.

“Just goes to show, never pays to skimp on quality resolve,” said Freeman. “But if you can find what you’re looking for at the junkyard, so much the better.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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