Politicians Prison to be Built in Arizona Desert!
After Freshman Congressman Trey Radel of Florida was arrested for possession of cocaine in Washington, D.C. and him admitting he is an alcoholic and pleaded guilty to possession of cocaine, the President has ordered a new prison built just for crooke...
Read full storyEvolutionist claims Garden of Eden story is a Jewish cover-up 'about Eve first mating with a massive swine'
USA - A forensic geneticist at the University of Georgia who has published his findings into the animal roots of human DNA says there is strong evidence that a lot of people are descended directly from Old Testament pigs. "OK, guys, no names, no p...
Read full storyCannibal Cop From Germany Blames Horse Meat Lasagna
DRESDEN, Germany - A cannibal cop arrested for the killing of a man he met online is blaming his crime on the fact that he ate horse meat lasagna purchased and eaten last year and claims it gave him mad cow disease. A representative from Findus,...
Read full storyWines to complement roadkill
Condition or provenance of the roadkill is highly important. If it is covered in flies or maggots or other insects I would recommend a Rioja. If it smells like rotting flesh it is probably what is known as a little "high" and a Cabernet Sauvignon is the match for this meat. If its eyes are clouded over white it's probably not too fresh (though likely still edible)and while most wine connoisseur...
Read full storyTaylor Lautner Knocked Out!
Of all people who have been a victim of the new 'Knock Out' craze, actor Taylor Lautner would be low on the list. Taylor was found by a New York City policeman just as he was waking back up. "He was groggy but then checked for his billfold, car...
Read full storySpeccysavers call police over Lord Lucan eye test
Speccysavers in Knightsbridge have confirmed that an extremely old man calling himself simply Loo Can was prescribed a pair of glasses this morning. Very posh policemen were called. One theory is that a similar sounding man killed his children's N...
Read full storyUsing prostitutes compulsory in proposed new French regulations
In the light of France's proposed legislation to outlaw the payment of money to "Working girls" the Can-Can Union which represents prostitutes in the Paris region have offered to provide reasonable basic services for free. A new stipulation, ho...
Read full storyPope-A-Dope Part 1: Pope Francis Deals It Up From The Bottom Of His Own Private What The Heck Deck
VATICAN CITY - Pope Francis unleashed his how you like me now mission statement for his (so far anyway) perpetually perplexing papacy Tuesday. During which he attempted to explain - via a variety of highly suspicious words otherwise recklessly distr…
Read full storyParis Hilton Says A Space Ship Landed In Her Backyard
BEVERLY HILLS - Paris Hilton, Charlie Sheen, and Gary Busey all have one thing in common; a nickname. The trio of Tinsel Town celebrities share the same moniker Space Cadet. Busey was the original, and then Hilton picked it up, and later Sheen...
Read full storyArizona Has Learned The Reason Why So Many of Its Residents Are Depressed
PHOENIX - A recent research study report that was put out by The Amalgamated Data Gathering Agency of Chicago surprised and shocked many residents of Arizona. The 9-month study reported that the reason why so many Arizona residents are in a state...
Read full storyMiranda Lambert Reveals The Secret To Her Astounding 31 Pound Weight Loss
NASHVILLE - Miranda Lambert was so afraid of losing her husband Blake Shelton to some pretty young thing that she decided to go on a diet to get rid of that hefty look. Miranda who stands 5-foot-4-inches tall has been worried for months that Blake...
Read full storyIowa Bans The Texting Of Curse Words
DES MOINES, Iowa - The vast majority of Iowa citizens overwhelmingly agreed that the use of curse words in texting had gotten out of hand. A group from Des Moines calling itself The Just Say No To (Expletive) Texting went all the way to the Iowa s...
Read full storyA Wyoming Woman Has A Volkswagen Beetle With 3 Million Miles On It
CHEYENNE, Wyoming - Rayleen Mayshaw, 61, purchased her green Volkswagen Beetle back in 1983, and 30 years later she is still driving it all over Cheyenne. Rayleen who works as a restaurant health inspector recently put the 3 millionth mile on her...
Read full storyA List of 10 Trivia Facts From Walt Disney's Blockbuster "Frozen"
HOLLYWOOD - The Disney animated musical Frozen is giving Hunger Games a run for its money. Frozen took in an amazing $90 million in just the first five days it was out. It has already become the #1 movie in Pocatello, Idaho; Apalachicola, Florida; Kalamazoo, Michigan; Lafayette, Louisiana; and Sheboyan, Wisconsin. Reports coming out of Europe are that Barcelona, Spain has had over $200,00...
Read full storyAuntie Jean Advises - Barry McCociner from Grinstead
Barry McCociner asks: Auntie Jean: I have recently discovered secret messages on Tomato Sauce bottle labels. These messages form part of a code which, when you take the 3rd letter of each word and assemble the whole string of letters and reverse them, reveal top secret instructions about preparing a landing site for the forthcoming invasion of earth by aliens from the planet Zod. I...
Read full storyEx-Boyfriend Too Lazy To Properly Woo Former Lover
A hillside located near Peavine Mountain in Nevada has a large "N" on it written in white rocks for the symbol of the University of Nevada. Recently a large "A" has been constructed next to the large "N" and it caused many questions for the locals li...
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