Republicans Ordered To Repay $24 Billion For Government Shutdown
The Supreme Court decided that the Republican members of the House and the Senate who caused the government shutdown, in an attempt to overturn the Affordable Care Act, must repay the US federal treasury $24 billion or resign from their present posit...
Read full storyPeaches Geldof branded a 'Prickly Pear fiend' in paedo Moms name 'n' shame furor
London, UK - Bob Geldof's 20-something daughter has been branded a bonkers zombie addict of lethal Mexican Prickly Pear juice after tweeting some names in Lostprophets frontman Ian Watkins' paedo crimes trial in London this week. Tabloid hacks r...
Read full storyJohnny Depp: I Hope I'm Not Possessed!
Actor Johnny Depp who has had so much fun doing the Pirates movies and others says that ever since he played Edward Scissorhand, he has felt odd. "I usually do well during the day but at night, it's different...and even sometimes in the day." D...
Read full storyMichelle Obama Reveals Irritants Of Living In The White House
WASHINGTON, DC - In a candid interview done by a piece of thread dangling off retired journalist, Barbara Walter, The First Lady, Michelle Obama reveals some startling things she hates about The White House Experience. * When ever he can, the President likes to replay videos of the '70's dance show 'Soul Train'. * There's this group of about 3 or 4 men, whenever Michelle sees them, they...
Read full storyJohn Boehner Calls In Exorcist
Washington-- Because of the efforts of his wife and House colleagues who carried out an intervention, Speaker of The House, John Boehner, who was the victim of demonic possession, has had the demon expelled. The rite of exorcism was presided over by...
Read full storyBozo Bojo in Faux-Pas No-No
Boris Johnson's laissez faire approach to inequality and links to intelligence levels have been applauded by a group representing council estate dwellers who are keen to implement his theory in every sphere of life. The Mayor of London gave a spee...
Read full storyKnock Out Fad Mostly Beginners Say Police
"These guys going around knocking people out are mostly beginners", according to one Chief of Police who asked not to be identified. Reading from a list of perps he reported information he had received. "One guy hit his victim in the stomach in...
Read full story..."Raindrops Keep Falling on me head, my son!"
Having scared most of the subservient and docile British nation nigh shitless with continued high prices, wage freezes, never-ending phoney austerity cuts and the threat of millions of knife wielding Roma Gypsies about to invade what's left of Blight...
Read full storyAuntie Jean Advises - Cantsia Weiner from Glasgow
Transgender Op Reversal Auntie Jean: I have had a sex change using guidance from a DIY website. After sending a Western Union transfer to Asomal Ian Pyreat purportedly in Nigeria. a photocopy of two pages from Greys Anatomy, a boxcutter, a blowtorch and a mini tube of superglue arrived. I followed the instructions but next door's dog ran away with my testicles. I have changed my mind now.
Read full storyCharlie Saaatchel voted Employer of the Year
Philanthropist Charlie Saaatchel is the new Alan Sacharin foundation Employer of the Year. Giving his employees virtually unlimited credit card use with the spending power of Roman Abromovic, minimum wage campaigners cheered him as he was on his way...
Read full storyDavid Cameron's Forehead to get its Own Sitcom
It has been revealed that the Prime Ministers colossal Forehead is set to have its own television show. It is believed the move is designed to deter the Forehead from upstaging it's owner at all public appearances and political television shows an...
Read full storySpanish Boss Rahoy lays claim to the Isle of Wight
The prime minister's recently ordered concrete block artificial reef barrier on a stretch of the Isle of Wight coast has infuriated Spanish dictator Supermario Rahoy. "This is an exclusive Spanish fishing ground for a proud Spanish native who liv...
Read full storyAuntie Jean Advises - Pasha Dickinside from Blackpool
Pasha Dickinside: Auntie Jean, My boyfriend keeps asking me if we can have a B.B.C. cream pie after Sunday Dinner. I have told him I would love to do that providing he "cleans up" afterwards, to which he agreed. The problem is that I don't know where to start. I've "Goolied" it on the internet and there are many recipes for cream pie. Is there a particular Website that may have the recipe m...
Read full storyThe Taliban Organization Is Moving Out of Pakistan And Into Vietnam
KARACHI, Pakistan - Word coming out of the capital of Pakistan is that the Taliban is getting ready to make an Earth shattering move. A Pakistani official stated to Neville Twickenbuck with London's Tickety Boo News that Pakistan has received word...
Read full storyJennifer Aniston's Friends Plead With Her To Dump Her Coattail-Riding Fiancé Justin Theroux
BEL AIR, California - It is no secret that Jennifer Aniston has grow extremely impatient that her fiancé of one year, Justin Theroux keeps putting off their wedding plans. Aniston is 44, and she has pointed out on many occasions that her biologica...
Read full storyArgentina Wants To Buy The Northwest Territories From Canada
BUENOS AIRES, Argentina - The South American country of Argentina has been wanting to purchase a northern country in order to take advantage of the Winter season. Juan Jose Cantador, a spokesman for the Argentine government stated that they have d...
Read full storyA Missouri Chicken Farmer Has Trained His Chickens To Do An Amazing Feat
HANNIBAL, Missouri - Elmo Tuggletint, 53, has been raising egg-laying hens for over 30 years and in that time he has seen some very interesting things. He recalls back in October of 1994, seeing one of his prized chickens, Linda Lou, lay an amazin...
Read full storyCosta Rica Is Contemplating A Name Change
SAN JOSE, Costa Rica - The Central American country of Costa Rica has expressed a desire to move into the computer era. President Kiko Sombrero met with his two chief advisers and they discussed the possibility of a name change. The president s...
Read full storyMiley Recalls Getting Slapped
When Miley Cyrus was about nine she was so busy she had forgotten all about Halloween and found that she had no costume. So her Mom, Tish, got out her own clothes and told her to go as her Mom. She said her mom had waited up late. "Daddy was alway...
Read full storyGay Couple About To Divorce Over In-Laws
Ronald House says that he and his married partner, John Eberton are probably going to get a divorce. "It's his nosy mother Sarah, she has spoiled him rotten and now she expects me to do the same thing. She didn't want us to get married in the firs...
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