Republicans Not Racist Anymore
Washington--Republicans like Herman Cain, because it shows that even a rich black man can be accepted as one of them. "See, we aren't racists, we like Herman Cain." Rush Limbaugh said. "He is just like us, rich and smart, unlike those dimwitted l...
Read full storyGolliwog in window causes race riots!
A Golliwog hanging in a window in Birmingham has caused race riots in the area. The owner of the stuffed puppet is an innocent ex-Black & White Minstrel fan called Simon. He only wanted to show his appreciation of the show from yesteryear by hang...
Read full storyBrett Favre could throw picks for Raiders
Oakland, CA--The Raiders hoped Carson Palmer could help the Raiders win, after Jason Campbell went down with a broken collarbone. Instead, they found that Carson Palmer showed confusion and poor accuracy in a lost to Chiefs on Sunday. The Raiders...
Read full storySarah Palin Stages Coup Within Michele Bachmann's Campaign Headquarters
MINNESOTA - Pundits are calling this the most unexpected political narrative in an already failing presidential hopeful campaign. The GOP contender, Michele Bachmann has been called many names, she's been put on people's 'I wish she wore a witch hat'...
Read full storyProfessor Norton Folgate's History of Dry Stone Walling
In the sometime occasional series by Professor Norton Folgate there have been many fascinating and intriguing topics and today's is no exception. Enjoying an afternoon with the esteemed Professor, he had this to say: "You find dry stone walling all over the place. Well, when I say all over the place, I don't really mean everywhere I just mean places where there is a need for it and then it i...
Read full storyBeing mugged? There's an app for that
The perfect applelet for the loan woman, or the student separated from their friends in a far away city has finally been released after several months in development. MyWay have released iScream to much fanfare. "I am in awe of this app," said...
Read full storyLocal Man Planning to Do Something
Local Man and One Time Wannabe Entrepreneur, Seaton Carew, today announced that he was considering a return to actually doing something to see if it would be noticed. Carew, previously an ex-thespian and almost ran, has admitted that he hasn't don...
Read full storyGoldman Sachs Plans a Halloween Celebration for Occupy Wall Street
New York City - The world's largest investment firm is going all out this Halloween to make the holiday special for the thousands of Occupy Wall Street protesters who have become its neighbors in the financial district. "For starters, we're going...
Read full storyArab Spring On Wall Street - Hold The Camels
New York - It's an Arab Spring on Wall Street, but protesters don't expect to see the NYPD galloping through Zuccotti Park on camels. Protesters call themselves the 99% and say the country is run by the 1%. The 1% gained control through the electi...
Read full storyJohn Terry denies making intelligent comment
Chelsea skipper John Terry has insisted he did not make an intelligent comment during Chelsea's comprehensive defeat by a classy and witty QPR team at Loftus Road yesterday. Videos posted on the internet claim to show JT mouthing the words "Nietzs...
Read full storyElection 2012: Google Search Yields Candidate Who Will Kick republican Butt
Seattle (AP) What do you call a guy who sleeps in a cardboard box, panhandles at the stadium, collects cans and other debris, pisses and shits on lawns, eats road kill, exposes himself to families at the library, assaults handicapped people, steal...
Read full storyRepublican Candidates To Be Sacked
Special to INS - The Republican National Committee (RNC) may organize a potato-sack race to eliminate the uncertainty over its eventual presidential nominee. Although Mitt Romney has consistently polled 25% of Republican voters, that is not enough to...
Read full storySatellite Debris Kills Bull: Obama Blamed
Special to INS - The 20-year-old satellite that crashed into Earth last week had a roughly 1-in-3,200 chance of hitting a person, NASA officials claimed. The Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite, or UARS (pronounced: you-arse), apparently missed the p...
Read full storyTexas Governor Perry Calls for Washington to Secede
Texas Governor Rick Perry said today that, if elected President, he would put in motion a secession plan for the nation's capitol, Washington, D.C. The recently announced presidential candidate hinted several years ago that Texas could secede should...
Read full storyLeBron James To Guest Star On The TV Reality Show "Khloe and Lamar"
LOS ANGELES - LeBron James has said that he is tired of just sitting around waiting for the powers that be to settle the NBA lockout. The Miami Heat player who left Cleveland for the bright lights of Miami says that he is tired of everyone thinkin...
Read full storyMLB Appoints Ted Williams To "Head Off" Red Sox Drinking Problem
BOSTON - Major League Baseball Commisioner Bud Selig announced today that the frozen head of former Boston Red Sox legend, Hall of Famer Ted Williams, has been appointed to investigate the drinking that went on in the Red Sox clubhouse. Workers a...
Read full storyRepublicans Set Brackets for 2012 Nomination
Special to INS - The Republican National Committee (RNC) has set the brackets for the 2012 nominating convention to be held in Tampa, Florida, starting in August 2012. Top seed is Mitt Romney, despite the fact that his political history reads like a...
Read full storyAlice Roberts Viewing Figures Set To Plummet As Fans Switch Off "Origins Of Us"
BBC chiefs are fearing a huge drop in viewing figures for their latest Alice Roberts vehicle, Origins Of Us. The second episode of the three part story of human evolution airs tonight but following an angry response to last week's first part, BBC2...
Read full storyKelly Clarkson Makes It Very Clear That Kathy Griffin Better Cool It With The 'Fat' Jokes
HOLLYWOOD - Kelly Clarkson recently performed on Dancing With The Stars where the audience absolutely loved her brand new song "Dancing In Step To Wynonna." After the show the producer Bernadette Penderlicki asked Kelly if she would like to appear...
Read full storyApplications for worthless bits of paper, down 9% according to Universities
Applications by college leavers seeking to acquire a worthless piece of paper confirming they too had successfully been exploited for three years of their lives at University, are running at 9% below last year's level, says the Ucas admissions servic...
Read full storyGypsy Curses Exposed As Nonsensical
Gypsy curses, black magick rituals, the hex....malevolent spirits running wild. It's the UK's hottest story right now. "It's all stuff and nonsense is that," a man identified as 'Dead Uncle Albert' by Italian spirit guide, Rugieri Marconi declared...
Read full storyFlorida Gated Community to Host Lecture Series
North Port, FL - Charleston Park, a small gated community on Florida's west coast, is planning to offer a series of lectures to its residents for the purpose of "raising community standards." Taking a hint from the community newsletter, which lectur...
Read full storyAussie Prime Minister sits on the Queen's face
In breaking news, Julia Gillard the Australian Prime Minister has caused international furor by first refusing to curtsey to the Queen and then accidentally sitting on the Queen's face. The face-sitting incident happened at a dinner for Her Maj in...
Read full storyObama's Social Security Solution
Hey kids! I have been buzzing around the White House lately, listening here, listening there, and heck I just flew off the wall in the president's office in the west wing. Whoo Boy! Do I have some juicy stuff for you today! Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Dennis Hippoboscoidea. Yep, I know. I'm a house fly. Watch it buddy, keep up the jokes and I'll give you a healthy...
Read full storyA segment of the Chris Matthews Show We Didn't Watch
Matthews: When I think of Chris Christie entering the race I see a big fat hater hating so hatefully I really hate to hear how much hate these conservative haters hate. So hateful. Garafolo: Actually, all these Tea Baggers are really are a bunch of stupid racist haters. They are so full of hateful s**t they make me puke. I think they suffer from Racist Hate Syndrome. I mean, Christie is so fat,...
Read full storyThe West Aussie government hunts killer sharks
Following the fatal attack on an American tourist by a Great White shark this week, the Western Australian government has legalized hunting and killing the type of Great Whites that pose a threat to human life. Camomile Aborhugger, a one-legged, a...
Read full storyObama Apologizes to UN Security Council
American UN diplomats presented detailed intelligence to support charges that Iran plotted to assassinate Saudi Arabia's ambassador to the United States. The evidence indicates Abidjinadad had first hand knowledge of the plot as early as February of...
Read full storyGaddafi's ashes to be returned to Camilla
Tripoli - Libyan Transitional Council authorities have said the tyrant's cremated remains are to be shipped to his first lawfully wedded wife in the UK this week. The son of Queen Elizabeth and Rudolf Hess was wedded to Camilla in a 1967 Hellfire...
Read full storyNew Marriage style guidance for bands
A new service has been set up by the Music And Record Industry to help groups who are suffering from musical differences. "We're operating it like a marriage guidance service," said Simon Kologie, the head therapist at Musical Differences Incorpor...
Read full storyQueen Elizabeth II To Visit Occupy Wall Street
Alec Baldwin, Russell Brand, Susan Sarandon and Pete Seeger are just a few of the famous folks who have already visited Occupy Wall Street. Now there's another famous face that will show itself in Zuccotti Park. The Face of Royalty. Yep, that's...
Read full storyEurosceptic Injury Fear
Doctors have warned of the latest threat to our health, dubbed euroscepticimia or euro for short. At the moment the disease is spreading rapidly through the British population and a cull has been suggested by the 'Sun' to deal with the menace effecti...
Read full storyNick Clegg to organise meetings with Lib-Dem supporters who are unhappy with Coalition!
Deputy Prime Minister, and Lib-Dem leader Nick Clegg, has instructed his deputy to organise meetings throughout the country to arrange for meetings with Lib-Dem supporters and voters, in an effort to ascertain their true feelings about the suicidal m...
Read full story'Obama Girl' Endorses Herman Cain
NEW YORK CITY - It's been nearly four years since the 'Obama girl' was seen in the public's eye. Since then shes' managed to reinvent herself by creating a Facebook profile, Twitter account, Google+ page, and an Xbox avatar. And now she has become so...
Read full storyNottingham Market Square Demonstrations lose out to JCP phenomenon!
The combined demonstrations of the 'Occupation of the Nottingham Market Square', and the 'The Hardest Hit campaign Demo', were put into the shade yesterday, as it was discovered that Two teenagers had obtained jobs through the local JCP (Jobcentre Pl...
Read full storyRick Perry Promised to Draw Distinctions Between Himself, the Black American, and the African American
IOWA - As Rick Perry was stepping out of his bullet proof deluxe edition of his sports utility vehicle pumping Jay-Z's 'Can I get…..' at a hunting preserve, he told reporters, "It's time for brand new colors, colors that Crayola hasn't even imagined.
Read full storyManchester United Opponents Seek Match Postponements
In a bizarre coincidence illness and injuries have stricken Manchester United's next two opponents - Aldershot and Everton. Following their mauling by deadly rivals Manchester City at Old Trafford on Sunday, United are due to travel to Aldershot i...
Read full storyThe Mysterious Jelly Is Back
Cumbrians have been left with a mammoth clean up operation as The Mysterious Jelly returns, this time to the hills around Cumbria. "Two years ago," said lead scientist, Theo Rea, "we investigated the blobs that struck Scotland. At the time we had...
Read full storyCBS Poll Suggests 83% Americans Still Don't Know If Santa Claus is Real
NEW YORK CITY - Santa Claus, a historical figure in western culture, has been a staple in calendar events, a day to celebrate giving, and the time retail stores make people think we have to buy one gift for everybody unless they're family, which requ...
Read full storyKate Gosselin Reportedly Seen Canoodling With Hank Williams Jr. - Steven Tyler Is Furious!
NASHVILLE - Word that American Idol judge and lead singer with Aerosmith Steven Tyler is absolutely furious has hit the streets of Tinsel Town. And what exactly has caused Steven "Lips" Tyler to get so bent out of shape? Well according to Hacienda...
Read full storyRob Pattinson Says That Taylor Lautner Told Him That Miley Cyrus' Lap Dances Are The Best In The West!
MALIBU BEACH - Two of the stars from the Twilight Series, Rob Pattinson and Taylor Lautner, recently hosted a bachelor party for a very good friend of theirs who is getting married in a month. RPattz beach home The Vampire Villa was the scene of t...
Read full storyThe Dregs of History (4) - Helen of Tintagel
Helen Cooper grew up in Tintagel on the picturesque north Cornwall coast. Being the daughter of a barrel-maker that supplied the local breweries and inns, it was no surprise when she became a barmaid. It was also not a surprise that she liked a drink, rum as a preference. It was as a barmaid that she gained her reputation for having a quick temper and a foul mouth. It soon became clear that...
Read full storySwedish Painter ejaculates objects whilst visiting Obelisk
Famous Swedish Painter Lloyd van Oobstratten was videoed ejaculating numerous objects, whilst visiting the infamous Edwardian Obelisk, just outside the Welsh capital, Rhyl. Onlookers reported that Mr van Oobstratten had started to parade around th...
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