All off at Religion Station
We've all been there. Happily blundering in the dark believing that there's no God and that pure random chance and basic high school physics created the universe and all life within it, in it's glorious diversity. Then suddenly it hits us. Life is like a train, and we can stay on those single tracks blindly following science, or we could get off at Religion Station. The great thing about...Read full story
UFO contrails trace Yom Kippur eruv
Jerusalem - A new directive from the Supreme Alien Council has seen the demarcation of large parts of Planet Earth with an Atonement Day eruv. The quasi-religious mechanism traditionally transforms an enclosed shared living area into a communal on...Read full story
Why I did not become a Train Driver: By Gary Hoadley
I began to steal from an early age. I was caught stealing sweets from a shop at age five. Not that I needed to. My parents were decent people and paid their debts on time and always settled the grocery bill at the end of the week. I could have anything I wanted from the shop all, I had to do was ask. Not me! If I could get it out the shop undiscovered, it was a victory. On this occasion I lost...Read full story
Greece desperate for cash
After struggling to pay off their gigantic debts, Greece is considering unorthodox methods of raising money. Last night, a fundraising auction of Demis Roussos raised a total of 20 Euros. The disappointing total is being put down to Mr Roussos's exce...Read full story
Diet leads to name change
One of the enemies of the Right Wing Republic of American Politics, Michael Moore has changed his name to Michael Less, following a recent weight loss programme. Moore, who challenged American Gun Laws, as well as a number of other important Ameri...Read full story
2012 Olympics to be moved to lost city of Atlantis
Seb Coe, the thinking Woman's thinking man has looked into moving the Olympics to the lost city of Atlantis, claim reports on a not particularly reliable or trust worthy news source. The City of Atlantis is a legendary underwater city that was los...Read full story
Talk of Library Closure Hushed up
A councillor in Epping was told to hush when the thought of shutting the local library was raised at a council meeting. Mr Entitlement from the Council takes up the story. 'There I was, minding my own business, moving onto the next item on the age...Read full story
Is this your Staple? Pilot show wins award
A recently made Pilot episode has one a prestigious award. The BBC's 'Is this Your Staple?' won the Arts World's 'Old Picture in a New Frame' for its innovative use of recycled materials. Mr Jedward Woodward from the Awards committee told us: 'Wit...Read full story
Hank Williams Jr. under heat just for saying what was on every single American's mind
BRISTOL, Conn.--Evidently, stating the painfully obvious can land you in hot water in this country. ESPN yanked Hank Williams Jr.'s song, "Are you ready for some football?", from the opening of Monday Night Football, after the country warbler comp...Read full story
Is Tiddles the cat to be the next Bond?
Bolivian actor and former domestic house cat Tiddles has been approaced by MGM executives with a view to becoming the next James Bond, it was exclusively revealed yesterday. Tiddles, who was deported recently in a mix up over immigration, current...Read full story
Sun asks: "Are Cheryl and Tiddles an item?"
Cheryl Cole has again hit the headlines on the front page of The Sun today, following rumours that she has been having an illicit liason with failed asylum seeker Tiddles the Cat. Tiddles first rose to fame when he was deported instead of his own...Read full story
Illegal immigrant's cat deported to Bolivia
Home Secretary Teresa May was today under fire for her comments at the Conservative Party Soiree on the removal of a failed asylum seeker. As part of a planned overhaul of the Human Rights and deportation acts, the Home Secretary quoted the examp...Read full story
Man United goalie gets his finger stuck in doughnut!
Man United's new Spanish goalie survived an incident at a local supermarket in the noble area of Upper Manchester where all rich footy stars do their shopping. He got his finger stuck in a very sticky doughnut. After panicking, because normally he...Read full story
Colony of Yetis or Abominable Snowmen Discovered and Killed In Siberia
A colony of ape-like cryptids has been discovered and slaughtered by Russian soldiers on a millitary training exercise in the Kemerova region of Siberia. The creatures, known more commonly as Yetis or Abominable Snowmen, were thought to be nothi...Read full story
Ashton Kutcher Has Hot-Tub Tryst With 4 Nekid Ladies On Balcony Of Hard Rock Hotel To "Rid Them Of Demons"
BILLINGSGATE POST - Rumors are running wild that Ashton Kutcher had a hot-tub tryst with four nekid ladies on the balcony of his Hard Rock Hotel suite, purportedly to rid them of conservative minded demons planted by nuns during their formative years...Read full story
Robin hood takes over as manager at Nottingham Forest!
After Steve McCLaren resigned to the fact that he would not be raising his umbrella in Nottingham because it never rains there it just pours, a surprise candidate entered the ring to take over; Robin Hood. Robin is an expert at taking from the ric...Read full story
Texas Spoof Writer Smashes Microsopic Alien Peace Delegation!
Dallas, Texas - According to Homeland Securtiy officials 13 members of a delegation from the Saturn Moon of Phoebes were smashed when they accidentally tripped a Spoof writer on her way home from an evening walk. Officials say her nose and face smash...Read full story
Spielberg talks of the 'Scottish' dinosaur in new Jurassic Park film
Executive producer and director Steven Spielberg has hinted at some of the details of the new Jurassic Park film at a press conference in Hollywood earlier today. The story for the new film was actually found in the DNA of a film critic sealed in...Read full story
"The fat's in the Fire!" Christie announces for President!
Governor Chris Christie took the podium at a press conference today to announce his candidacy for President of the United States. Christie proclaimed, "The fat's I the fire! I am running for President! I have said several times in the past I did...Read full story
Foxy Knoxy praises Italian police
Amanda Knox, the convicted murderer who was freed today from prison by an Italian court, has begun an emotional journey back to the US. Before boarding the airliner with the rest of the first-class passengers, she thanked all those involved in he...Read full story
ALMA captures pix of Isis crystal skull galaxy
Space - It's existence had been suspected for aeons and was enough to freak out 5th century AD Church elders sufficiently into sexing-up their farcical God-the-Father rants. This week pictures of a crystal skull-like galaxy - described as 'depicti...Read full story
Amanda Knox and Casey Anthony To Host Legal Advice Show with Nancy Grace
Falsely accussed and totally innocent American Beauties Amanda Knox and Casey Anthony are to co-host with Nancy Grace CNN's new legal advice chat show 'Beauties and the Beast'. The show will purely focus on how pretty white American girls can defe...Read full story
Mother faces £170,000 bill after being arrested
Stockport single mother of two, Ellie James, is facing a bill of over one hundred and fifty thousand pounds childcare bill today, a bill she can hardly cover. Ms James was arrested two years ago after taking part in a demonstration in London over...Read full story
Coffee with Mussolini?
Former dictator Benito Amilcare Mussolini, who ruled the country before being deposed in a coup in 1943, is to become the new vice-chairperson of coffee-house chain Stabrucks, it was revealed today. In a leaked document the fascist dictator, belie...Read full story
Football fans can see premier league
Football fans who would rather be dead than pay money to Sky will be able to see Premier league matches without going to the pub after a European court ruling that decoders can be used to get the programmes from foreign countries. The commentaries...Read full story
Hotmail server explodes, showers Microsoft offices in cooked spam
The Microsoft offices in Sacramento are calling in the cleaners this morning after the servers hosting their Hotmail email accounts exploded covering everything with cooked Spam. "A lot of people have been overusing their Hotmail email accounts of...Read full story
Cabbages Lack Humanity, Feel No Pain, And Aren't Very Good Swimmers - Study Reveals
A recent Dorking College Of Arts and Technology College research project, involving cabbages has revealed some fascinating facts. But not really all that many. But some is better than none, like a box of chocolates, at least according to Tom Hanks -...Read full story
Can't remember who you've greeted today? There's an app for that
Office workers who work at a large corporation, or even minglers at a party will be overjoyed at the latest offering from MyWay Software, iContact. This latest applelet utilises the camera in the iPhone and facial recognition software to work out...Read full story
Premier League Loses Portsmouth Pub Case
A Portsmouth pub landlady has won her case against the Premier League over the right to show matches broadcast from other countries but some reckon the decision has come too late. The European Court of Justice found that Karen Murphy had the right...Read full story
A True Diary of Woe - Part Sixteen
A diary of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and poverty, starting in August 1947 Chapter 32 - The Night of Storms So there I was, out of work for the first time. In those days it was easier to get another job, but all I could manage was to become a night security guard for a local company.... on £3.10 ($4.79) an hour! I was posted to the Co-op college out in th...Read full story
Achievements achieved, and Achievement still awaited...
The following article was sent in to the Little End Gazette, by an elderly contributor, famous for his ability to compose such nonsense, tosh, and almost unreadable ramblings, and inane rubbish. This letter serves as an example of supremely crude, and unworthy literary skills, that actually contains an element of truth and fact. Achievements achieved, and Achievements still awaited...Read full story
Evolutionary Algorithms for Traffic Lights
Evolutionary based traffic lights will be rolled out across London after a successful trial in Chipping Norton. The new lights take in information from road sensors, traffic monitors and each other to constantly tweak the priorities and patterns o...Read full story
Ricki Lake and Derek Hough Are Sizzling on Dancing With The Stars
HOLLYWOOD - The former talk show host and one-time surf boarding champion Ricki Lake is following in her idol Kirstie Alley's foot steps, or rather dance steps as she showed the Dancing With The Stars judges and audience that the little chubby gal ca...Read full story
Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan To Guest Star With Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder On "The Vampire Diaries"
HOLLYWOOD - Manolo Middlezuck, the producer of The Vampire Diaries which stars Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder has just announced that he has signed Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan to guest star in upcoming episodes of the popular cable television se...Read full story
Ashton Kutcher Spotted Beach Romping With The Lustfully Provocative Sara Leal
MALIBU BEACH - The word on the streets of Tinsel Town is that the six year marriage between Demi Moore and her boy toy Ashton Kutcher appears to be on the proverbial rocks. Kutcher, who is 15 years younger than his wife, has been known to have an...Read full story
Prayer Heals Decapitated Monkey
Biloxi, MI - In a shocking exhibition of the power of prayer, a decapitated rhesus monkey has miraculously healed completely following a group prayer service. The announcement came during a press conference Monday, October 3rd, 2011 by group of Chris...Read full story
The Dregs of History (2) - Justinius the Comedian
Justinius the Comedian (814 - 839) Justin of Corfe was a comedian from what is now Dorset. He called himself Justinius because it harked back to the 'cool' Roman occupation of Britain. He also dressed only in black because he also thought it was 'cool'. Most people who knew him thought he was a complete twat, but they did laugh at some of his jokes. He travelled through the kingdom of Wess...Read full story
Arsene Wenger Ready To Turn His Back On Arsenal - Admits Talking To Manchester City Officials
Beleaguered Arsenal suffered another hammer blow yesterday, as sources revealed that embattled manager, Arsene Wenger is prepared to turn his back on the club, and has refused to deny that he has had talks with representatives of Manchester City.Read full story