CBS Poll Suggests 83% Americans Still Don't Know If Santa Claus is Real

Funny story written by Alvin Taveras

Monday, 24 October 2011

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NEW YORK CITY - Santa Claus, a historical figure in western culture, has been a staple in calendar events, a day to celebrate giving, and the time retail stores make people think we have to buy one gift for everybody unless they're family, which requires two or more.

Some argue that holidays such as Christmas is a capitalistic institution, other argue it's a lesson in faith, but most love the days off from work. Surprisingly, a CBS Poll for ages 25-55 who are male and female who play contact sports in intramural leagues and shop at Abercrombie & Fitch stores show that when asked whether or not they still believe in Santa Claus ten percent say yay, seven percent say nay, and eighty-three percent are undecided.

What most people thought they would be certain on is surprisingly a mixed bag of milk and chocolate chip cookies. . A tradition that dates back to the 1820's tells us that Santa Claus lives at the North Pole with large number of elves, reindeers, and the Palin family. He categorizes children's behavior according to naughty and nice. Santa Claus is considered to be a historic hagiographical tale of the greatest giver, Saint Nicholas or what occupied finance professionals at Wall St call it 'the people's money.'

Yet despite learning the tradition from the homes and schools of our neighborhoods, and putting up with gifts that are less than crap sometimes, the poll suggests perhaps belief comes from the North Pole

Here are some of the comments that we recorded:

One thirty-year old man said, "But what if there is a Santa Claus that's just for children and adults lose eyes to see him. I can see that as being the case."

Another forty-three year old female told us, "I don't know if there is a Santa, and I don't care anymore, but I'll tell you what, believing in Santa was a whole lot of fun."

A fifty-four year old, who is actually sixty-two years old but wanted to participate and get a free water bottle, said, "To those who don't believe, those will not receive.

If that latter statement is among the truest than that explains why New York City gets very few gifts.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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