The Kinetic King Appears On "The View" And Finally Explains Why He Dumped Heidi Montag
HOLLYWOOD - The Kinetic King, whose real name is Tim Ford, appeared on The View to explain his side of the story as to why he had dumped Heidi Montag. KK as he is known professionally had recently appeared on America's Got Talent where he performe...
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Nations' Conspiracy Minded Horses Continue their Search for the Elusive BigHoof
Hole in the Wall, MT. - A spokeshorse for the Alien BigHoof Association announced today that despite decades of intense investigations the fabled BigHoof continues to escape capture. The spokeshorse, who communicates with his human followers by...
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The number of Jesus's foreskin relics explained
Pope Benedict has made a decision to explain the eighteen different holy relics all claiming to be the one true foreskin of Jesus Christ superstar. "Holy relics are an important part of the Catholic church," said Archdeacon Dean Conarch. "There ar...
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EU debt crisis is over; Greece has disappeared!
The "Sword of Damocles" hanging over the EU in the form of a major debt crisis caused mainly by Greek corruption has suddenly been lifted. During the night Greece disappeared off of the face of the earth because it was swallowed by Greek God Neptu...
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Scooterville In Unlikely Olympic Bid
Scooterville, the famous town in New Jersey (pop 250), has launched an unlikely bid for the 2030 Olympic games. Famed for its tree house Post Office and home of a former jeopardy contestant, Scooterville claims it will start work on infrastructure...
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Scott Walker creates website to pat himself on the back
Madison, Wis--Governor Scott Walker of Wisconsin doesn't like the fact more people aren't calling him to say what a wonderful job he is doing in Madison and what a wonderful job he is doing to create jobs in Wisconsin. "Teachers should get paid o...
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Homopterans Not Welcome In Occupy Wall Street Movement
NEW YORK - Mayor Michael Bloomberg, tiring of the antics of the "Occupy Wall Street" groupies, issued a warning that may seem draconian, especially to those who belong to certain groups which Bloomberg has decreed are anathema to the well-being of th...
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X-Factor - Simon Cowell Says The Early On Favorites Include Melanie Amaro, LeRoy Bell, and Josh Krajcik
HOLLYWOOD - Simon Cowell is extremely proud of his brand new reality singing show X-Factor. The man from Elstree, Hertfordshire, England has shown everyone in America that he is definitely someone who has the Midas Golden Touch. Simon Phillip C...
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Coroner confirms that Amy "Winehouse" lived up to her name!
In St Pancras (no medical analogies please), London, the corner overseeing the inquest into Amy Winehouse's death has confirmed the fact that Amy more than lived up to her name. In fact she had more wine (and other spirits, not the ghostly type, n...
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Protesters Asked to Go
Dr Giles Fraser, Canon Chancellor of St Paul's Exchequer, has fired off an appeal to protesters outside St Paul's to move on and save St Paul's from 'the spread of morality' which he finds annoying. 'The life of the Cathedral is being upset by hea...
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Dancing With The Stars: Maksim Chmerkovskiy Viciously Lashes Out At Len Goodman and The Seven Are Now Six As Chaz Bono Is Eliminated
HOLLYWOOD - It wasn't quite the Jerry Springer Show, with chairs being tossed in the air, but the latest weekly edition of Dancing With The Stars certainly had it's share of fireworks. And the individual who lit the firecrackers, the bottle rocket...
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MP Denies Gay Rumour Despite Mounting Evidence
Senior Tory MP Lance Swan has described his late night arrest in a London park as a misunderstanding that he looks forward to putting firmly behind him. Speaking to the gathering press, outside his Oxfordshire estate, the MP stood with his wife...
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Irish County Anticipates Population Explosion
As the world waits to see who will be the seven billionth human on the planet, a county in Ireland is feeling the effects of the population boom. Westmeath, in Leinster, faces the Malthusian nightmare of its population hitting the 100,000 mark by...
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EU Trick Or Treaty? Pagan Feast Of Samhain Spells Death Of The Euro
London - Astrologers are confident next Monday's feast of Halloween will see the final collapse of the long-running KGB ponzi scam of the Euro. Some reckon a trillion dollar EU bailout attempt is horribly tainted by bad karma going all the way bac...
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I'm not dead: Gaddafi
The former Libyan President, Colonel Gaddafi, has denied he is dead, in spite of the overwhelming evidence, saying that someone is pulling wool over the eyes of the general populous. The infamous dictator was adamant that he is still very much al...
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Chatty Weirdo Jailed Indefinitely
In a case that makes legal history, a North London man has been jailed for being 'too friendly'. In a 5 week case at London's Wood Green Crown Court witnesses described 51 year old Jimmy Clarke as a 'chatty pain' who would indiscriminately hand o...
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Student loan debt in Germany reaches thousand euro mark for first time in history
BERLIN, Germany--No stranger to dark moments in history, Germany announced this week that for the first time in history, student loan debt will break the dreaded per-student mark of one thousand euros ($1,367). In an attempt to quell student outra...
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Toronto Mayor Rob Ford Ambushed
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford called 911, military and police after a crew from CBC's satirical show This Hour Has 22 Minutes showed up unexpectedly outside his house to interview him this morning. "I came out of my house and I was totally mobbed and amb...
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Observations on the Coalition Government - in rhyme
This ode about MPs might just make you affright, In fiddling, lying, and nepotism they delight, MPs consume Caviar and not toast and Marmite, Their cons and excuses for fiddling are so erudite, They vary in loyalties and actions, from Thatcherite, Communist, Tree-huggers, Luddite's, and the odd Jacobite, Even the odd honest one, playwright or transvestite, They steal and fiddl...
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Herman Cain Promises To Make Memories For America Fresh and Produce and Smokey
GEORGIA - It's been one week since the last GOP debate embarrassed Americans politically with the choice of its GOP candidates. It's been less than twenty-four hours that Herman Cain and team decided to do something about it. The Cain team has co...
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Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez Are Having The Biggest Halloween Party In Hollywood
HOLLYWOOD - Halloween is right around the corner and two of the most popular young celebrities in America today, Justin Bieber and his girlfriend Selena Gomez are throwing what promises to be the biggest Halloween bash in the history of the witch, gh...
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President Barack Obama and Colonel Muammar Gadddafi Shared The Same Birthday
WASHINGTON D.C. - In what is being deemed the worst timing for a political coincidence for some, it is also being dubbed a conspiracy too close to comfort for others. When the news broke world wide that Colonel Gaddafi was captured and allegedly s...
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Manchester United Promise To 'Go Easy' On Everton
Everton fans can relax - signals emerging from Manchester Utd today suggest all is well in the Red Devils camp after a stroll out in the Carling Cup on Tuesday night. There had been fears that following Utd's 6-1 home mauling at the hands of deadl...
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Apple's Steve Jobs Poster Might Become A Modern Mona Lisa with Moving Eyes and Everything
STEVE JOBS - As the family, friends, and Apple geniuses continue to mourn the passing of America's beloved Steve Jobs, there is a cultural phenomenon reshaping the art world. In his passing, Apple CEO Tim Cook decided to post a picture of Steve J...
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Britney Spears Losing Customers By The Hour But According To GroupOn Customes Prefer Discounts
LOS ANGELES - Britney Spears, one of the first pop divas in America since Sam Adams started keeping track of the Diva list and when Donald Trump bought out the pageants of the world so he can pick and choose his mistresses by the year, is apparently...
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Justin Bieber Loves to Break Up Fights During His Free Time
HOLLYWOOD - In an interview on 60 minutes Justin Bieber told Andy Rooney that there's only a few things he enjoys in life immensely at seventeen years old, a clean shower, sockless walking, and breaking up fights. The moment Justin Bieber mentione...
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