Coldplay and Wholefoods Market agree to play Mylo Xyloto while customers shop on 10/24
AUSTIN, TEXAS - With a stroke of a pen Whole Foods Market have agreed to provide music from Coldplay's newest album, Mylo Xyloto on 24 October, the premiere date. Lead singer Chris Martin was thrilled about the opportunity because Mylo Xyloto tran...
Read full storyAbramovich tells his stalker the truth about Torres
Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich came face to face with a stalker after the girl got past security on his yacht. The girl was armed with only a pen and begged the Russian millionaire to sign his name between her legs! He refused despite the girl beggin...
Read full storyComet Rigor Mortis transits Buckingham Palace skies
London - A horrid GlibDem scam to allow Catholics back into the royal fold tonight sees HM vowing to swallow arsenic rather than bow to the latest Popish bollox from Brussels. Just after sunset a mystery comet from the Papal Bull Shit galaxy was s...
Read full storyBoredom is Communicable according to a new Study
The boredom epidemic that has been sweeping South Wales has reached Cumbria. "Obviously, the epidemic has made significant progress in a very short time," said Doctor Fantastico, who has been tasked with finding the cause of the epidemic and stopp...
Read full storyJesus Lowers Sales Taxes for Getting into Heaven
Jesus is reducing his sales tax on getting to heaven to one percent, but this is only for the poor people of the world, this is drastically down from the record high 10% seen for two centuries. "I see may tax was causing more poor people to suff...
Read full storyDrunk Man Found in Westminster
I came across this drunk man in Westminster, not far from the House of Commons. He kept asking 'Where is he? Whereishe?' I told the Foxy looking fellow I was from the media. 'I had a meeting fixed with whereishe' he told me. I replied that I didn'...
Read full storyUnderpants bomber pleads guilty and admits; "it was the beans!"
Nigerian Amur Farouk the so called "Underpants bomber" has pleaded guilty after being accused of being very combustible on a flight from Amsterdam to Detroit. "I had very explosive underpants on because at Schiphol Airport I had plenty of baked b...
Read full storyLocal Man Enjoying Gay Honeymoon With Thespian - Long Suffering Wife Not Amused
A local man, who smokes too much, frequently drinks himself into oblivion, or at the very least so that he can't talk properly, today related that he is having the time of his life on honeymoon with his gay partner. Martin Shuttlecock, of Shuttlec...
Read full storyPostal Service rescue plan would turn mail carriers into drug runners
Washington, DC - A Congressional panel that's searching for ways to save the crumbling US Postal Service has recommended that the agency increase its profits by becoming the nation's narcotics distribution network. With the Internet and e-mail dev...
Read full storyQPR plan dream move to White City
The BBC has announced that Television Centre, it's iconic Shepherd's Bush headquarters, is up for sale and QPR are negotiating to purchase the site. The ambitious Premier League football club plan to build a new stadium at White City to accommodat...
Read full storyThe Five PMs to do a skit on Doctor Who
Prime Minister, David Cameron has reluctantly allowed Nick Clegg to take part in a Children's In Need special entitled "The Five Prime Ministers". The ten minute sketch is a comedy take on the popular Doctor Who episode The Five Doctors in which P...
Read full storyBlackberry apologise to their mobile phone users
Blackberry have apologised to their thousands of users over the loss of their email, texting and internet server. "We did tell people that the RIM server had gone down," said Blackberry CEO, Barry Black. "We sent them all an email, a text and put...
Read full story£101m lottery winners announce they are buying Greece
The latest winners of a hugely obscene amount of money, a couple from Cambridgeshire, have announced that after they have paid their bills, bought a new house, a new car and a more up-to-date mp3 player, they are going to buy Greece. After they have...
Read full storyMoammar Gadhafi lands top banking job
Moammar Gadhafi, former ruler of Libya, has emerged from hiding after his overthrow and has been appointed President of International Banking for Citibank's Middle Eastern Division. Chuck Ferkemall, Senior Senior President EMEA for Citibank explai...
Read full storyLewis Court Seeks Solomon To Decide Cat Case
Authorities in Stornoway are seeking a legal expert named Solomon. They need the legal wizard to decide an argument between two women about who owns a cat. The case has dragged on for months as Della Macdonald and Nicola Dempster both claim own...
Read full story'Smoking' tellys banned from pubs
London - Sony Bravia LCD televisions have been banned from pubs and bars across the country after being caught smoking. Melting screens, toxic fumes and pungent whiffs of combusting plastic have been widely reported despite some patrons' claims th...
Read full storyMegan Fox To Star in "The Sound of Music' Remake
Hollywood icon and polished sex symbol Megan Fox has reportedly been offered a 6 figure deal to star in The Sound of Music remake. Executives were said to have been so impressed with a recent flip video home movie in which Fox sang a rendition of...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars: Chynna Phillips Messed Up and The Viewers Sent Her Bye-Bye
HOLLYWOOD - The Dancing With The Stars music was loud, the singers were loud, the smoke machine was putting out too much smoke and the long-legged Chynna doll lost her place and never found it. And when it was all said and done Chynna Phillips, on...
Read full storyThe Occupy Wall Street Movement Is Doing So Well Organizers Plan on Protesting In Berlin, Hong Kong, and Bombay
NEW YORK CITY - The organizers of the Occupy Wall Street Movement are thrilled at the tremendous reception that their campaign has received. Dynamo "Smokey" Affengriffin, 17, one of the movement's directors informed Tilapia Frisbee of The Right Co...
Read full storyGoogle Maps mislead many Apple fans as they begin waiting for the iPhone4S outside Apple stores
NEW YORK CITY - Apple Fans have already begun to set their tents and form their "I'm the craziest fan alive" lines in anticipation for the new iPhone4S this Friday. Unfortunately, Google maps have reportedly misled many and redirected them instead to...
Read full storyKim Kardashian and Kris Humphries Marriage Has Hit One Hell of A Speed Bump
NEW YORK CITY - The term 'Trouble in Paradise' is not just the name of a movie, or a song, or a perfume. It is also the name of what is going on in the two-month old marriage of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries. A family insider who is very close...
Read full storyTodd Palin Is Extremely Concerned About Sarah's Depressed State (Not Alaska - Her's)
WASILLA, Alaska - Todd Palin cut short a salmon fishing trip up to Caribou Nads, Alaska after he received word from nine-year-old daughter Piper that her mom was acting very odd and speaking words which did not make sense. Todd hurried back from f...
Read full storyWho The Hell Is Wellington G. Smasher?
Every man, after learning he can get some on a steady basis, names his penis. I know it sounds juvenile and in fact, most adults would say that it is. You can't get a fifty-year-old man to admit it, but at some point he's named his wang. Oftentimes i\he refers to it by name when around good friends. Some give their dicks obvious names, something macho like "Rocco," "Big Red" (especially white...
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