Goldman Sachs Plans a Halloween Celebration for Occupy Wall Street

Funny story written by Michael Balton

Monday, 24 October 2011

image for Goldman Sachs Plans a Halloween Celebration for Occupy Wall Street

New York City - The world's largest investment firm is going all out this Halloween to make the holiday special for the thousands of Occupy Wall Street protesters who have become its neighbors in the financial district.

"For starters, we're going to provide each and every one of them with a festive costume," a spokesman for Goldman Sachs said. "I don't want to ruin the surprise, but we're thinking pumpkin orange overalls would be a nice reflection on the fall season."

To encourage the protesters to wear their costumes, a masquerade police parade will be conducted, with its route passing directly through the middle of the protester's Zuccotti Park encampment.

"Halloween is the one day of the year that our officers can wear masks," a police department spokesperson said. "The anonymity they provide will free them up to interact more vigorously with the protesters."

Friendly competitions are also on the agenda. The NYPD's Motor Scooter Squad is planning to play Protester Polo, with two teams competing to see how many occupiers they can knock down and drag off.

Occupy Wall Street protesters who prefer a more cerebral activity can play Truth or Dare or Pepper Spray with senior NYPD personnel. Prizes include a 10-day vacation on Rikers Island.

So far, Occupy Wall Street leaders have ignored Goldman Sachs' invitations to the Halloween celebration. But a spokesman for the investment firm said that a backup strategy is available:

"We will just fill some goody bags with negotiable securities and hundred dollar bills. That always works with the politicians."

But Occupy Wall Street has a different idea. It plans on wrapping Goldman Sachs' headquarters in toilet tissue as its Halloween trick. "It's an appropriate prank to play on a company that's running a financial crap game," a protester observed.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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