It's 'plane' to see at QPR
Queens Park Rangers Football club may be moving to Heathrow airport if plans go ahead. The airport authority plan to sell off some land at the airport and the club is said to be very interested in buying the land. CEO Philip Beard said, "We will...
Read full storyVeni, Vidi, Vinci!
London - A reclusive Carnegie Hill, NY10028 tycoon is having to slum in in the Presidential Suite at the Four Seasons tonight as his latest acquisition the Salvator Mundi takes pole position at the National's Da Vinci exhibition. The mysterious ar...
Read full storyUK's First 'Cash For Children' Outlet To Open In Leeds
The true extent of the financial crisis was highlighted yesterday by the announcement that Leeds will become home to the UK's first 'Cash4Child' outlet. Based loosely on the ubiquitous gold merchants where hard-up punters sell inherited jewellery...
Read full storyClosed Lines to Re-Open
Some years down the line, a decision this week has been taken to nip two problems in the bud and solve the crisis of overcrowded roads in the UK and get the entire benefit system shut down simultaneously. The current Minister of Transport announc...
Read full storyFemale Hormones Found in Beer
Results of a recent study have shown that beer contains levels of female hormones significantly high enough to affect the behaviour of male drinkers. While moderate amounts of alcohol have little or no visible effect on drinkers, the study found t...
Read full storyTwiggy Sues M&S Over X-Factor Ad
Timeless singing sensation Twiggy is furious with her ex-employer Marks & Spencer for reneging on her lifetime contract to appear in their Christmas advertising campaigns. "I gave those tossers some of the best years of my life", said a tearf...
Read full storyModern Warfare-3 Hidden Super Weapons Revealed
Highly secretive gaming "cheat codes" were revealed to the public earlier today, as a corporate e-mail listing the locations and instructions for acquiring four super weapons was accidentally released to the public. Insiders to the MW3 development...
Read full storyBerlusconi pasta the pointa of no returna
Tony Berlusconi, the prime minister of Italy, was under pressure today as Europe's financial problems threatened to spread across the Med. Earlier today, he faced the tagliatelle cameras and made the following statement. "We must not share the...
Read full storySandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves Speeding In The Fast Lane Towards Romanceville!
WEST HOLLYWOOD - It finally appears that after being on one of the longest roller coaster rides in recent memory Sandra Bullock may have finally found some semblance of normality. The woman who last year divorced one of the most tattooed alley cat...
Read full storyDid Herman Hide the Sausage? Sausage Appearance to Cains' Maid Sheds New Light on the Case
FBI sources have confirmed that Republican Candidate Herman Cain is being questioned about the 2005 disappearance of the Sausage, the tube-shaped deity that won the world over with its selfless good deeds, its legendary size, and its ability to fill...
Read full storyJacko's Doc is found guilty of manslaughter, the motive was; he wanted Bubbles all for himself!
Michael Jackson's doc, Conrad Murray, has been found guilty of "manslaughtering" the superstar, but his motives were not outed until the final days of the process. It seems that Murray was so jealous of Michael's friendship with Bubbles his chimp...
Read full storySharon Bialek has such troubled past that the chances of her having been groped are 0%, Cain's people
WASHINGTON, D.C.--At a press conference on Monday, Sharon Bialek relayed a detailed account of how Herman Cain made sexual advances toward her in a hotel in 1997. The Cain Campaign has, however, unearthed in its mind such a troubling past for Bialek...
Read full storyIllegal trade in human organs set to boom after Welsh donor card 'opt out' approved
The illegal trade in human organs is reportedly set to boom after it was confirmed Welsh families would have no legal right to stop dead relatives' organs being used for transplant if the person had not opted out in advance. Traders in the highly...
Read full story2012 London Games Officials Reject Several Exhibition Sports
Officials from the 2012 Olympic Committee have confirmed that they are rejecting several exhibition sports from this summer's games in London. While there will still be an international competition of Qigong, and a Rowing challenge, it was annou...
Read full storyDon't beat around the bush
World leaders are to hold an urgent meeting about global warming and the top of the agenda is trees and bushes. Scientists say carrying a small tree or bush will help the world recover from the ozone and increase oxygen levels. Dr I.M. Silly said...
Read full storyOfficial: no aliens in the White House
Washington AC/DC - The US government denied today the existence of intelligent alien lifeforms in the White House amid a mounting furor about 'non-indigenous illegals' in high public office. Tell-tale signs like ectoplasm trails, mysterious glowin...
Read full storyTwitchers flocking to Australia
Twitchers across the world are migrating to Australia since the news spread across Twitter that a pair of rare Newcastle Tits have been sighted in Melbourne. "I've seen most varieties of tit," said the heavily bearded Bill Oddie, an avid bird-watc...
Read full storyNecromancer Aleister Crowley and Queen Mother behind six mysterious Tutankhamun deaths
The reviled satanist and his favourite muse are top suspects in the unexplained London deaths of six men connected to the 1923 opening of the pharaoh's burial chamber in Luxor by Howard Carter. New research published this week details how a total...
Read full storyCity bankers alarm as gap between rich and poor just big enough to taxi private jet through
Many City workers are concerned the gap between rich and poor may still not be sufficiently vast for their private jets to taxi through, according to a report by a think-tank. The St Paul's Institute report, Value and Values: Perceptions of Ethic...
Read full storyFormula One to go all electric by 2020
The World's Most Expensive Sport, Formula One, is to go green within ten years, according to Bernie Ecclestone, Grand Prix's rule maker. "I believe we've taken the gasoline driven vehicle as far as it can go," Ecclestone said. "Most of the innovat...
Read full storyTwo peacocks, 19 hookers, 100 cock-fighting roosters, two sacks of dope 'and flat screen tellys': Mexico jail bust report
Acapulco - Federal officers today described the haul inside Acapulco Jail as 'kinda low' in terms of numbers as the full extent of the raid became public. The dawn bust had yielded a number of surprises such as the magnificent peacock birds - said...
Read full storyNew Dragon's Den - Homeless Edition announced
The popular TV show in which members of the public pitch their business ideas and plead for funding, only to have their dreams savaged and their hopes dashed on channel whatever has decided to follow the trend of other popular shows to keep its conte...
Read full storyMichael Jackson's doctor also responsible for Sir Jimmy Savile's death
It was discovered today that Conrad Murray, already in deep doo-doo for the death of Michael Jackson, may also have been responsible for the death of Sir Jimmy Savile, the UK's national disk-jockey treasure. Sir Jimmy passed away at home in his sl...
Read full storyJustin Beiber is expecting twins
Despite claiming to never have had sex with anyone except his own right hand, it has been confirmed this morning that Canadian teen singer, Justin Beiber, is expecting twins. The news was released by family friend and gynaecologist, Dr Mona Little...
Read full storyTheresa May Sacked as Head Gardener
Chief Gardener at the prestigious Krewed Gardens, Theresa Maynot, has lost her job because she has not been looking after the Borders at Krewed. Krewde's Director, Cameron David, announced Maynot's removal from her post when it was discovered she...
Read full storyLetter modifiers to be added to English
For several centuries English has been steadily losing the letter modifiers that help in their pronunciation of words. Naive is often written without the umlaut, facade has lost it's cedilla, role has been stripped of it's circumflex and cliche is qu...
Read full storyA True Diary of Woe - Part Twenty-seven
A diary of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, depression and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947 Chapter 45 - The Charity Football Match A bunch of lads from the RAOB lodge, had arranged a charity football match in aid of a couple of Children's Charities, all proper like. Hired a patch of the Forest Recreation ground to use as a pitch, hired the changing room...
Read full storyHerman Cain's "PizzaGate" Gal #4 Says He Offered Her A Deluxe Pizza With Extra Sausage
CHICAGO - Noted defense attorney Gloria Allred who specializes in cases involving various degrees of sexual harassment, product placement in movies, and statutory frolicking at the beach, has just been hired by a Chicago woman who has stepped forward...
Read full storyArcheologist gets rid of all That "Weird Stuff" on Ancient Egyptian Tablets
Harvard archeologist, Freddy Digs, unearthed a perfectly preserved series of Egyptian clay tablets during an excavation in Egypt's Valley of the Kings and promptly used a set of whetstones and various grades of sandpaper to get rid of all the Hierogl...
Read full storyGreece Turns to Pawn Stars for Help in Financial Bailout
Greece's Prime Minister, George Papandreou, headed to Las Vegas to seek help from the Pawn Stars in getting his country out of its current financial crises which is threatening to bring down not only Greece but the European Union, the United States a...
Read full storyMichigan legislature passes law allowing Christians to rob banks
Fresh from their triumph in passing a law which allows Christian students in Michigan public schools to bully gay students in the name of Jesus, Michigan legislators are eager to extend the concept to other crimes. "Currently, we have laws against...
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