Miami Marlins Fans Disappointed With Team's New "Fabulous" Look
The Miami Marlins Baseball team unveiled their new uniform and colors on Friday night. Many fans had hoped that the leaked logo and color scheme from September was a hoax. Apparently it was not and many fans are not happy. Long time Marlins fan C...Read full story
Race Horses to be given sensible names
Race horses have been given names like Happen-stance Roadwork and Mountaineer Roadblock the Fifth for far too long according to the Equine Naming Institute. "It is getting sillier and sillier," said Hopwood Felicitous, co-ordinator of horse names...Read full story
Political Correctness Certified Insane
A psychiatrist has officially certified that Political Correctness is suffering from paranoia, schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. In other words, it has gone mad. PC has been suffering for a while, and spent some time in a rehabilitation clinic e...Read full story
England Favourites For 2014 World Cup According To Chiswick Pundit
Chiswick's leading football pundit was confidently predicting that England will win the 2014 World Cup tournament at a canter, following the three lions dramatic 1-0 Wembley victory over reigning world champions Spain. "Lamps is still only 33," Ju...Read full story
Huge explosion in Iranian "peaceful nuclear facility"
A large explosion has been reported near Tehran, in what Iranian diplomats are calling an accidental explosion at a nuclear plant. Iran has long claimed that it wishes to pursue a peaceful nuclear energy programme, but Western countries are understan...Read full story
Herman Cain soils himself at GOP debate! Crowd roars approval!
In what is being described as the most unusual debate in history, Herman Cain, either by accident or design soiled himself last night as he excoriated the media in a diatribe that left nothing to the imagination. As he finished, he held his arms up i...Read full story
Howdy! I Might Be Rick Perry!
Howdy! I'm Rick Perry, and I'm running for somethin' in Norway. Wait...that ain't quite right. I'm a dang ol' Texas boy, and I made these Gucci loafers...I mean, snake skin boots with a bear I caught with my own three hands. Confused? Me too. You see, after I went and started forgettin' stuff at the last debate, ma' campaign advisers decided it might temporarily boost my poll numbers if I...Read full story
UFO belting out prophetic 'Silvio's Mother' in Rome lap-of-honor flypast!
Rome - - The Italian Scare Force was out in numbers today as the dulcet strains of an adapted Dr Hook & The Medicine Show 1972 smash hit were heard resonating from a giant UFO mothership over the Roman skyline at dawn. The flypast coincided wi...Read full story
Christmas Crisis - Eurozone Contagion Hits Lapland
You'd better watch out, you'd better not cry, the economic crisis currently gripping Greece and Italy has spread North, far North to the home of Father Christmas. Massive wage cuts have caused unrest across the winter wonderland with industrial ac...Read full story
Average person makes 773,618 decisions in a lifetime
The average person will make 773,618 decisions over a lifetime - and will come to regret 143,262 of them. A typical adult makes 27 judgments a day - usually starting with whether to turn off the alarm or hit snooze. And each decision can take u...Read full story
Ministry of Defence rubbishes UK Red Top's HMY Britannia Mk#2 fantasy
London - Funded by 'donations' and run by a 'charitable trust' the proposed £80 million royal yacht would be armed with torpedoes, helicopter gunships, a miniature nuclear submarine and armed patrol guards. "How very quaint," Royal Navy admiral i...Read full story
Pension Age to be Index Linked...To Your Age!
London: The Department of Pain and Servitude released a statement yesterday on changes to the pension age of UK citizens. From next week the old fashioned, and some would say completely unfair system of fixing the pension age for everyone to sixt...Read full story
Sandusky, Ohio Changes Name
The ripple effect that began in Happy Valley,PA has flooded into the coast of Lake Erie. Plagued by jokes and inuendos associated with former Penn State Assistant Coach Jerry Sandusky's alleged misdeeds in the University's locker room, the city...Read full story
I see The Future and It Will Be...
Okay, I missed on more than a few of my 2011 predictions, but came close on so many others. Again taking my cue from other media prognosticators, here are my predictions for 2012. Just like last year, my predictions are brought to you by Miss Cleo and Crandall's New and Used Crystal Balls, of Locust Ridge, Louisiana, and our new sponsor, Gorgon's House Of Backdoor Lubricants. FOR SCREEN DOOR USE...Read full story
Make Love Not War: The Truth Behind America's National Anthem
I was getting ready to watch the World Series and I was enduring the atrocious warbling of an off-key canary when I thought back to some yellowed papers I'd purchased at a garage sale. It was the diary of a man named George Wemby, who was a childhood friend of Francis Scott Key. That diary contains the true meaning of the lyrics Key wrote. (This has been confirmed by researchers from Harvard, whom...Read full story
Hollywood So Uninspired It Seeks Out Board Games For Story Lines
In a recent opinion piece, a movie critic raised the question, "How has Universal studios managed to turn a child's game (Battleship) into a major motion picture. What's next - Yahtzee?" While the critic's question may have been tongue-in-cheek, research shows that he wasn't far off. Due to the lack of originality in Tinsel Town, studios are scrambling to buy the rights to numerous board and fa...Read full story
Political News for W/E 13 Nov 2011 - with comments
6 Nov 2011: NHS: American Consultancy firm recieves £290,000 a year from UK Government! The Star An American consultancy firm seeking to profit out of thefallout from the shake-up to the NHS is being paid £250,000 a year by the government for advice on the transition towards health secretary Andrew Lansley's vision of the service. The company was one of 57 external "organisation and change" m...Read full story
Britney Spears Finally Admits That She Was Once Addicted To Lip Syncing
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Britney Spears just admitted for the first time that she was in fact addicted to lip syncing. The blonde "Oops!...I Did It Again" songstress says that she did not really realize that she had a lip syncing disorder which is known...Read full story
Rick Perry's Popularity Goes Up 7 Points After His Appearance on The Late Show With David Letterman
NEW YORK CITY - Rick Perry did what every man, woman, and child in America has done at one time or another; he forgot the third item in a three part series. I recall my cousin Vinnie once telling me that his favorite candy bars were Three Musketee...Read full story
Kristen Stewart, Scarlett Johansson, and Steven Tyler To Star In "The Vavamooming Vampires of Venice Beach"
HOLLYWOOD - Lion's Face Pictures in association with Tri Moon Films will soon begin production on Sheboygan Saddlewood's The Vavavooming Vampires of Venice Beach. The first half of the film is based on The Vampire Playpen, the novel by noted Bulga...Read full story