Twitchers flocking to Australia

Funny story written by IainB

Tuesday, 8 November 2011


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image for Twitchers flocking to Australia
The only known picture of the LA Cole Tit, nicknamed Cheryl

Twitchers across the world are migrating to Australia since the news spread across Twitter that a pair of rare Newcastle Tits have been sighted in Melbourne.

"I've seen most varieties of tit," said the heavily bearded Bill Oddie, an avid bird-watcher. "The Newcastle Tit is one I've yet to see, and I'm quite happy to fly twenty-thousand miles to see one. Fortunately, it's only eleven thousand miles, which makes me ecstatic!"

Rory McGrath, a second bearded comedian heavily into spotting birds, is also excited by the prospect.

"We used to have plenty of Newcastle Tits in Britain," he said. "But of late, they've become virtually extinct. Newcastle Tits are related to the Coal Tit, and contrary to popular belief and their name, they are not restricted to just Newcastle. Reports of a Newcastle Tit in Los Angeles have been persistent for a while, but nobody has seen it to date, and I think it might just be a Cole Tit. To hear that there is a verified sighting of a pair in Australia means a lot to a lot of twitchers."

This isn't the first time the pair of Newcastle Tits have been sighted in Australia, leading many an ornithologist to believe that this is a massive yearly migration undertaken by the pair.

"We can only hope that they are a breeding pair," said Craig Bellamy, an eighties TV presenter and zoologist, who also has a beard. "I've not seen any pictures of the Newcastle Tits myself, but I think one must be small, and one ten times bigger, because in true Ozzie Wit style, the locals have called them Ant and Dec."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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