Professor Norton Folgate's Theory on Starlings
In the sometime occasional series by Professor Norton Folgate there have been many fascinating and intriguing topics and today's is no exception. Today we contemplate the joys and dangers of witnessing Starlings in huge numbers. "Now is the time of year to see millions of Starlings. Well it is if you live somewhere like Ham Wall, near Glastonbury or somewhere else where they all roost. In...
Read full storyHerman Cain Tells Politico Reporter To "Occupy This"
WASHINGTON - The usually good natured and smiling Herman Cain, obviously tired of answering questions concerning his alleged sexual harassment of two or three nymphet sparrows who claim that Mr. Cain was trying to hit on them while he was President o...
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Following in the footsteps of President Barack Obama who ran out of Jeremiah Wright's Trinity United Church of Christ in order to become President in 2008 today Mitt Romney was born again into Evangelicism. In a public dunking in the Jordan River tod...
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Herman Cain took the podium triumphantly at an announced press conference this morning. The room was filled with his Tea Party supporters. Cain stated: "For every NO, there were seven YESSES!" The crowd roared its approval. Cain: "Would you want...
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Bank of America spokesman Bill M. Tweed released a statement to the financial media this morning outlining the reversal of the recent bank policy of instituting a monthly fee of $5.00 to customers using debit cards. "Our customers have shared thei...
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Special to INS - Liam Breton, who fell short in his attempt to incite a national rebellion, has decided to run for U.S. President on the Luddite Party ticket. The Luddite Party was founded by Breton in response to the failure of the major politic...
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UK immigration policy was once again the subject of abject ridicule today when it was revealed that new legislation on tightening the law on immigration featured rules targeting those intending to bring dogs with them into the country. Under prop...
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Take one dictatorship posing as a democracy Slow roast until the heart is black and the meat is thirsty Add two or three cracked liberalists Whisk together with million dollar missiles Pour in a few hundred thousand dead soldiers And a good pinch of murdered women and children Let it rise for a few years in a lukewarm temperature of media hype and propaganda masquerading as fact Nuke it al...
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Hapless X-Factor girl band 'Little Mix' have been forced into yet another name change after it emerged that 'Little Mix' is also the name of a brand of dog food for miniature dog breeds. The band are said to be mortified by the discovery and will...
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The afterparty was great. After the afterparty was even better. Well, at least for 50-year old former virgin, Frodo Baggins. In a pretty dramatic finish to a celebration of S-Day, or victory over Sauron Day, Frodo Baggins was caught in the act of...
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John Terry came forward today to make an apologetic statement regarding the race row that has torn football apart. "I am deeply sorry, for the upset I have caused over the alleged racial comments I might, or might not have made. My conduct has cau...
Read full storyJealous UK woman throws bucket of cold water at hot pussy!
A jealous UK woman named Edna (name changed for legal reasons) was sure her hubby was having an affair with some strange pussy, who's name just happened to be Dolores, (name also changed, but not for legal reasons this time) who loves licking milky,...
Read full storyHerman Cain not interested in 'small insignificant states' unless they're bombing us
WASHINGTON, D.C.--Herman Cain has taken a slight lead in the Republican nomination contest, but is currently the leader by a large margin in the Gaffe Factor. When asked who the president of Uzbekistan was, Cain replied, "When they ask me who is t...
Read full storySarah Palin Tells Herman Cain To Hang In There Cause It'll Get Lots Worse
WASILLA, Alaska - Sarah Palin recently confided some personal observations to one of her neighbors, but not the one next door, Jebediah McGillicuddy, who wrote the exposé book on her that sunk the hell out of her political fishing boat. According...
Read full storyPastafarianism to be taught in Creationist Faith Schools
In a landmark ruling the fabricated religion Pastafarianism, the religion of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, is to be taught in Physics in US Creationist Faith Schools. "We are quite upset," said leading Creationist, Michael Behe. "For...
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London - A 'prescient' scribble in a 1930s primary school history textbook found smouldering in a skip outside the EU's London HQ has shed new light on the Euro mess as G20 heads of government continued their Cannes of Worms summit today. 'Germany...
Read full storyOn hold? There's an app for that
Apple Core Labs are releasing their latest app to the relief of thousands of people across the world, iQueue (pronounced IQ) has been designed with the intention of solving that interminable problem of the modern age: Being on hold. "This is a vit...
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Following months of what fans might call ridiculous and economically insulting negotiations over how much money players or NBA team owners actually deserve, one grass roots group of blue-collar fans is letting them all know exactly how they feel, wit...
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Following a personal appeal to Daniel Craig and a failed screen test on the set of Bond 23 yesterday, Kim Kardashian has reportedly created a demo video to highlight her other talents in the hope of being reconsidered for the role of the next Bond Gi...
Read full storyGovernment bring in tax on Gay Men
Chancellor George Osboring has put forward plans to tax Gay men. His new stealth tax will be brought into force in the next tax year without a commons vote. Mr Osboring said; "Gay men spend far to much money on curtains cushions rugs piercings and...
Read full storyDemocracy in Greece Horror
Shock at the G20 Summit in Cannes as the Greek Prime Minister disturbed world order by deciding to ask the Greek people what they thought about the deal he made made with Europe over their future. 'We all believe in democracy' blurted Sarkorsy 'bu...
Read full storyFears growing over potential Westlife reunion
The world of showbiz was today rocked to it's very foundations, to its actual core, in fact (get on with it - Editor) er, ok, er with the threatened possibility of a Westlife reunion. Still reeling from the non-split in 2004 when Brian McFadden qu...
Read full storyJailed cricketers who made the sport almost interesting, set to appeal
Three former Pakistani internationals Cricketers jailed for their part in an elaborate conspiracy to elevate their sport from tedious to only slightly less tedious, have declared their intent to appeal against the decision. Former captain Salman B...
Read full storyA True Diary of Woe - Part Twenty-six
A diary of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, depression and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947 Chapter 42 - Guarding the Submarine Pens So there we were, me and Dave, a lad from Newcastle, posted along with many others to man the outer defences (wire fencing) around the submarine base, in response to some threat or other received by the top brass. Of course...
Read full storyThe Cannes Sham Time-share Scam
A diplomatic storm is brewing as leaders of the G20 nations gathered in Cannes on the promise of a bit of a chat about the economy, a slap up buffet and some of the best wine that the local branch of Carrefour could offer. Instead, sources from withi...
Read full storyBank Of America Is Bullied By Recent College Graduate Single-Handedly And Overturns Stupidity
WASHINGTON DC - Recent college graduate Molly Katchpole who not only is broke like a joke but also an aspiring politician earned her ticket to the White House when she single-handedly pulled the nations second largest bank's hands out of her pockets...
Read full storyNBA Player Loses First Month of Paycheck Moves Into Mom's House And Has To Sleep In His Childhood Bed
NEW YORK CITY - Whether it's true or not that half of the NBA players are starving, one thing's for sure, twenty-five year old New York Knick unemployed backup guard to the backup guard Andy Rautins is moving back to mom's house. "I'm not happy ha...
Read full storyChildren's Books Banished To The Top Shelf
In a move which has outraged traditionalists in children's education, many UK book shops have removed a number of much loved children's favourites from shelves and placed them in the adult section of their shops. Books have been withdrawn on the grou...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Tells Selena Gomez That The Baby Does Not Look Anything At All Like Him
VENICE BEACH - Justin Bieber was having breakfast at Tacos, Tacos, and Mucho More Tacos in Venice Beach with his mentor Usher when he was approached by a reporter for Hollywood Innuendo. Ty Tickler with HI asked Bieber about the recent allegations...
Read full storyX-Factor: The Real Reason Why The Judges Sent The Ten-Member Group InTENsity Packing
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Read full storyDorking Crab Boat Mothballed
It's bad news from Dorking, as the town's last remaining Bering Sea crab boat has been mothballed, due to financial constraints, and being unable to compete with their Alaskan counterparts, such as those featured on Discovery Channel's 'Deadliest Cat...
Read full storyStudy Reveals, Everybody Loves a Vagina
Biologists of the Human Anatomy have done a world wide survey as to, what is the most popular body part, the resounding overwhelming response has been the vagina. Adam was seduced into bondage by vagina against the advice of God. Now that's seduction, to choose vagina over God. Paris Hilton flashes her vagina and the world stops spinning on its axis. Lindsay Lohan flashes a little gas...
Read full storyRev Jesse Jackson Calls Cain "Poozle Chasing Uncle Tom Honky Loving Republican"
CHICAGO - Jumping into the raging controversy regarding Herman Cain's alleged sexual harassment of two or more female workers, the Reverend Jesse Jackson today dumped more coals on the fire by calling Cain a "Poozle chasing Uncle Tom honky loving Rep...
Read full storyEarly Migrating Humans Fought Sabre Toothed Tigers To Settle In Burnley
Archaeological evidence supports the theory that the earliest human migrants battled woolly mammoths, sabre toothed tigers, wild lions, hippos, and wild boar, in their quest to reach the Lancashire settlement of Burnley. Historians agree that the...
Read full storyGhostly Image Spotted In Burnley Double-Yolker Fried Egg
Burnley man, Charlie Splutterthwaite got more than he bargained for this morning as he went into the kitchen to prepare a fried egg sandwich. Cracking an egg into the frying pan, Splutterthwaite was surprised and delighted when the egg turned out to...
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