Shame, Stupidity and Rotten Fruit Follow NBA Negotiations

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Friday, 4 November 2011

image for Shame, Stupidity and Rotten Fruit Follow NBA Negotiations
Wealthy players and owners just don't get it.

Following months of what fans might call ridiculous and economically insulting negotiations over how much money players or NBA team owners actually deserve, one grass roots group of blue-collar fans is letting them all know exactly how they feel, with rotten fruit and vegetables.

The organization called Rotten Fruit for Spoiled Athletes is starting to recruit hundreds of members across cities who host NBA franchises, where their goal is to shed a little job-market reality with their former basketball heroes. "With some stinky fruit to help make our point", says Tommy Scapelli from Brooklyn, NY, president of the RFSA. "These guys keep talking about wanting an agreement that's fair and equitable as if $15 million a year isn't fair".

With league owners still raking in the cash throughout this recession and top player salaries ranging from $15 to $25 million, it's hard to argue with fan frustration. "Even the league average salary is over $5 million per player and the owners aren't hurting for cash either. How else can either group afford to be out of work so long?" says Scapelli. "I have to check with my wife to see if there's enough extra money so I can have a beer with the guys after work".

While NBA commissioner David Stern tries to highlight and justify some of the issues still hovering over the bargaining table, the blue collar portion of the NBA fan base has had enough. "And that's why you and the owners get the rotten pear and the mushy cucumber" says Scapelli. "The cucumbers seem to splatter best on Astin Martin, Bentley and Rolls Royce front grills, but rotten passion fruit is pretty grotesque on a windshield. It looks like a seagull was having a bad day".

Negotiations continue while ridiculous and out of touch statements continue to roll out of press conferences. As stated by one NBA player hidden behind gold trimmed sunglasses and hooded FUBU sweatshirt on his way to a new Jaguar, "I'm just trying to get mine". One of Scapelli's RFSA members was apparently willing to accommodate that request.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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