Kim Kardashian Still Pining for Bond Girl Role

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Friday, 4 November 2011

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Following a personal appeal to Daniel Craig and a failed screen test on the set of Bond 23 yesterday, Kim Kardashian has reportedly created a demo video to highlight her other talents in the hope of being reconsidered for the role of the next Bond Girl.

Delivered to the set this morning, the DVD was handed to assistant producer Ken Yadoomi by a large man wearing an E! Network cap and a tee-shirt that read, "I'm gonna bust you up". Yadoomi was asked politely to review the video and strongly reconsider Kim's selection for the next Bond Girl role.

"It was a bit intimidating, but we agreed to take another look at her broader talents", says Yadoomi, referring to Kim performance on screen the day before and her propensity to star at the camera and lick her lips.

The video was only seen by producers and assistant directors, but laughter could be heard coming from the stage of the closed set. Insiders say that the new video shows Kim eating a juicy pear, bending at the waist often to pick up an accidentally dropped pencil, and practicing a few lines with her mother that included quotes like; "Ew, I don't want to", "That's not Cartier, and trust me, I know Cartier", and "Bruce, why can't you be more like my real dad?".

The tail end of the video contained the best surprise as the mother of the reality/no sense of reality show, Kris Kardashian stepped into the camera and suggested herself for a role in the movie as well. "How about a sexier M? Think about it".

A pale looking Yadoomi searched for a polite way to say "no" for the second and third time and suggested to the large man that the director was looking for somebody perhaps a little taller than your average short person. Kim at 5 foot 2 inches, wasn't going to fit the Bond Girl bill.

Yadoomi is expected to be released from the hospital later this week.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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