Down and Out in London
Dr. Isaac Myakovsky's book on "Government Charities and their Agencies" has been banned from publication by a rare PII (Public Interest Immunity) order that has only been used twice in the last ten years, first to protect J.K. Rowling from adverse cr...
Read full storyBin Laden holiday video nasties released
Washington - Gorblimey shots of Bloody Bin Bag snorkling at Helmand Butlins are enraging decent folk this weekend. Dressed from head to toe in a Nigella burkhini the Al Qaeda capo di capi is learning doggie-paddle. Nearby Mrs Fatima Susan Boyle...
Read full storyFuture News: Public Spending to Be Supplemented With Ads, Product Placement
(Published 2030) LONDON (CO-SPONSORED BY MICROSOFT. MICROSOFT, LIFE WITHOUT WALLS) - The new government, consisting of various transnationals, have allowed public spending to increase due to the effect of product placements and ads plastered across p...
Read full storySecondary School Biology Experiment Leads to New Pathogen
COVENTRY, W. MIDS., ENG. - A local secondary school has caused the entire Coventry city area to be put on lockdown after a new mutation has caused a harmless bacteria to morph into a pathogen. The pathogen classified as X/11-G, after the room (X)...
Read full storyFuture News: Scotland Seceeds from United Kingdom
(Published 2014) EDINBURGH - A referendum by the Scottish National Party (SNP) has found out that 70% of Scotland want to become independent from the United Kingdom. However, Scotland has been fast-tracked to join the European Union (EU), and will...
Read full storySkeleton Frightens Children on BBCs So You Think You Can Dance
A skeleton has terrified children by appearing before the watershed on an episode of "So you think you can dance" The Skeleton was sitting second from the left on the judging panel, and all its bones were visible from the very minute the show st...
Read full storyFirst Gay Horse To Run In Kentucky Derby Pulls Out
Bluegrass, Kentucky - Uncle Mo, the first openly gay horse to ever run in the Kentucky Derby, has been scratched due to illness and will not be running on Derby Day. Uncle Mo's owners and jockey expressed sadness and dismay that Mo, a pack favorit...
Read full storyGuilty Pleasures For Mother's Day In The USA
Everywhere, USA - It's that special time again . Yes, so soon. It comes around fast. In the beautiful month of May, Mother's Day is the ONE day a year when children, small and large, young and old, can show how much they love their mommy. The...
Read full storyWell-known psychic has been speaking to Osama bin laden for at least 8 years!
It has been reported today, that a well-known psychic (who did not wish to be named through fear of ridicule) has confessed to speaking to the notorious Al Qaeda leader, Osama Bin Laden for at least eight years. If these claims are true, then it coul...
Read full storyManchester Airport Terror Plot Foiled
Greater Manchester Police this evening revealed how extensive surveillance had brought down a gang intent on bringing terror to Manchester Airport. Dawn raids in Salford, Wythenshawe and Stretford resulted in the arrests of six individuals believe...
Read full storyObama not sure it was Osama not sure it was Obama
Washington D.C. - Sources report that Obama was up all night worrying that he had shot the wrong man. The fog of war was great. Also the fog induced by a six pack of aspatame-laced soda may have led to a wrong call. It turns out Osama is a very...
Read full storyFilm Noir Banned As "Too Dark"
Goodtimes, USA - The semi-annual Feelgood Film Festival has banned the screening of movies in the film noir genre, saying, "this stuff is way dark, dude… a total downer. Dark dark dark…too dark for us, thanks but no thanks." When told that...
Read full storySong: "I'm Not Going to Come Up With a Song Title That Fits, Partly Because There Is No Line from the Chorus, Full of Wit, That I Think Is That Good At Summing Up The Ideals Present In this Work, and I Feels That You Should Take That"
Another song. Yeah. On a roll ain't I? "I'm Not Going to Come Up With a Song Title That Fits, Partly Because There Is No Line from the Chorus Full of Wit, That I Think Is That Good At Summing Up The Ideas Present In this Work, and I Feels That You Should Take That" I'm defining boundaries, I'm shaping the future, I'm going to do shit, I'm brilliant at this malarkey, In fact, I'm so post-...
Read full storySong: "In Short, This Is a Lengthy, Publicised, Goodbye to an Unexpected You"
Another song, I hear you yell? So soon? Why yes dear reader! According to my friend they're just poems. I disagree. They're just words written in verse and rhyme. Hopefully, some guy from a major label will see this and employ me, so until them these are poems. Or songs without music. They're something. This song is about heartbreak. To be fair, I haven't actually experienced it, but I've wa...
Read full storyIs Kenny Dalglish A Barcelona Spy?
Following the shocking revelation that Real Madrid boss Jose Mourinho is to assist Manchester United's Champions League quest by providing Sir Alex Ferguson with inside information and a detailed dossier on hated rivals Barcelona, comes yet another s...
Read full storySpoof Writers being exploited - a MUST READ
The Spooof is doubling its efforts to end the kind of exploitation of writers which has recently been exposed in the 'Old Geezer Job Campaign.' (OGJC) An extra 10 Administrators are being hired by Mark Lowton to tackle rogue writers who fiddle stories and take advantage of Britain's 1.4m-strong army of wannabe Spoofers. The new Administrators are expected to raise an extra 2m points a year f...
Read full storyWorld's Most Evil Man Tracked Down In Preston Pub
The world's most evil man has finally been tracked down to the lounge bar of a pub close to Preston bus station in Lancashire. Bob Atkinson, 58, of Preston was spotted by reporters sitting alone and shrouded in evil as he sipped a pint of mild and...
Read full storyThe Royal Family are moving to Washington DC
The British Royal family have decided that enough is enough, and they are to move to Washington DC in America. According to the Palace staff the Americans love the Royal family much more than the British. This was evident from the recent royal wed...
Read full storyCops' strip poker showdown defrocks Beatrice and Eugenie
London - A Royal Protection Racket cops' straight flush has stripped useless royal slappers Beatrice and Eugenie. Prince Andrew's molls were caught 'frightening the whorses' and now see their 24/7 bodyguards axed in the austerity cuts. A radica...
Read full story10 things you need to know about the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge's home
10 things you need to know about the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge's home: 1. No dogs are allowed inside (with the exception of Camilla if she phones first) 2. No staff (Will and Kate will do the cooking and cleaning themselves, even keep the gardens nice coz they want to save the country some money.) 3. They have a hand made quilt on the kitchen floor, sent as a wedding gift from...
Read full storyBurns Night now annual Holiday
Following the victory of the Scottish National Party in Scotland an annual holiday has been announced by Alex Salmon, SNP leader as he jumped for joy. This will commemorate Scottish poet Robert Burns. He has picked November 5th as the annual Burns...
Read full storyLandslide win for Non Voters
There was a 58% no vote for not voting at the Referendum on the Alternative to Voting. Far behind was the No vote at 32% and those for AV at 10%. This result was so startling no commentators could bear to mention it in their summary of the Referendum...
Read full storyBin Laden Not Dead!
A defector from MI5, Clifford Blacksmire has told New Age magazine "Lies and Damned Lies" that Osama Bin Laden was not killed as stated by U.S. President Barack Obama and which is currently believed by most people on the planet. It appears the Is...
Read full storyOsama Bin Laden Has Left His Extensive Soccer Ball Collection To President Hugo Chavez of Venezuela
ABBOTTABAD, Pakistan - Reports coming out of the town of Abbottabad are stating that Osama Bin Laden had been collecting soccer balls for over 20 years. Most had been purchased over the Internet from Soccer Balls "R" Us which is one of the world's...
Read full storyGaddafi's Nurse Applies For Asylum
A Ukranian nurse, once said to be "close to" Libyan leader Colonel Gaddafi, has applied for asylum in Norway. Galyna Kolotnyska was evacuated from Libya earlier on in the year after the troubles escalated and she went home to Ukraine for a while i...
Read full storyUK Interest Rate Higher Than AV Vote
The Bank of England's Monetary Policy Committee has once again resisted pressure to increase interest rates and so the record low of 0.5%. With all sectors experiencing a slowdown in growth, the MPC decided that it would be counter productive to f...
Read full storyFergie's Cunning Plan To Beat Barca
Man Utd manager Sir Alex Ferguson reckons he's come up with the perfect way to beat Barca in the Champions League Final at the end of May. Realising that players such as Carrick, O'Shea and Fabio would be ripped to shreds if the Old Trafford side...
Read full storySir Paul McCartney Engaged! - And Once Again On The Long and Winding Road To Throwing Away Millions and Millions More of His Money
LONDON - Former Beatles member Paul McCartney has just announced that he is engaged to girlfriend Nancy Shevell. Chatsworth Wiggonholt of Ta Ta For Now News stated that McCartney is worth in the neighborhood of $800 million [£489,000 U.K.]. Wig...
Read full storyCommunist party reveals plan to eradicate inequality
The Communist Parties of various European countries have been holding an international convention, at which they debated how to combat inequality worldwide. In particular they wish to eradicate inequality between rich Westerners and poorer people in...
Read full storyTalking Crap about Philanthropy
Today I spoke to Raymond Rainbow, a philanthropist with a difference. Me: "Raymond, you've just opened a help centre in East London for the less fortunate?" RR: "Yes, that's right. We have set up the centre to help the pooer, to give them a place to stay and get some refreshments." Me: "The pooer? I hope you provide them with a bathroom as well." RR: "Yes of course, we have a full set...
Read full storyGeorge Bush kidnapped
Only days after the killing of top terrorist Osama bin Laden, former president George W. Bush has been abducted from his ranch in Crawford, TX. The operation performed by U.S. Navy Seals has been described as an early morning raid involving at least...
Read full story"New and More Secure" Playstation Network Gets Hacked Again, This Time by Accident
They said it was faster, stronger, and more secure. As Sony starts to slowly bring it's recently hacked Playstation Network back online, it seems it's been hacked again, this time allegedly by accident. "I was just checking to see if the web brow...
Read full storyThe First Dog Prepares to Meet Elite Canine Forces
Washington, DC - As President Barak Obama prepares to meet with Seal Team 6, the First Dog, Bo, also prepares to meet the canine counterparts of the elusive special ops group. Christopher Guffman, Press Secretary for the First Dog had confirmed that...
Read full storyCatching Up With Woody Allen And Soon-Yi
New York - Comedian Woody Allen, 75, and his adult child bride Soon-Yi Previn Farrow Allen, 40, recently celebrated 13 years of wedded bliss in their own special way. While most observers in Hollywood never thought the two lovebirds would make i...
Read full storyHunt Ends! Video Game Shooter Killed by Ten-Year-Old Gamer!
What do you do in the middle of spring break when it's raining too hard to play outside, and your parents have taken away your X box and computer time because they're scared over some stupid virtual something or other, and you're bored to tears?...
Read full storyNotable Deaths of 2009
Fraternal twins, Hope and Change: Died within months of each other after protracted illnesses. Born prematurely, some years before the Common Era, the twins frequently suffered health problems but both also hit stunning heights during their lifetimes. Hope, always feeble, caught a cold while watching President Obama's marathon 5 hour inaugural parade. Hope never recovered and died in Februar...
Read full story