Talking Crap about Philanthropy

Funny story written by MonkeyInTheBath

Saturday, 7 May 2011

Hey!

The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Talking Crap about Philanthropy

Today I spoke to Raymond Rainbow, a philanthropist with a difference.

Me: "Raymond, you've just opened a help centre in East London for the less fortunate?"

RR: "Yes, that's right. We have set up the centre to help the pooer, to give them a place to stay and get some refreshments."

Me: "The pooer? I hope you provide them with a bathroom as well."

RR: "Yes of course, we have a full set of facilities there. Pooer people are more likely to live in insanitary conditions."

Me: "With lots of poo, I assume."

RR: "Er..sometimes."

Me: "Who else do you try to help? How about the pee-er?"

RR: "Oh no, definitely not. Pee-ers are well enough off already. I don't think we'd help them if they came in."

Me: "Not even just to use the bathroom."

RR: "I suppose that would be ok. But if one of them came in we'd probably ask them to make a small donation."

Me: "Ah, so you are collecting too. What do you plan to do with it all?"

RR: "We hope to build more centres in other cities across the UK, then even across the world."

Me: "You would build a centre out of people's 'personal donations'? The pooers and the pee-ers."

RR: "Yes."

Me: "Wouldn't that smell a bit?"

RR: "No. Why?"

Me: "Because of the... Are you doing anything to stop the pooer?"

RR: "Stop what? Stop people from being pooer?"

Me: "Well obviously everyone does it sometimes. How often do you have to do it to be considered a pooer?"

RR: "I don't understand. It's not something that you do, it's a way of life for these people. It's a permanent feature of their lives, they literally never stop being pooer."

Me: "How does that happen? Do they eat a lot?"

RR: "No, actually quite the opposite. Often they don't eat enough."

Me: "So they don't eat very much, and that makes them defecate all the time?"

RR: "Er...no. I really must ask why you have such an obsession with the toilet."

Me: "But you are a charity that helps people who go to the toilet a lot?"

RR: "No, we help the poo-er."

Me: "Yes, exactly! Ok, I think that's all we have time for. Thank you very much for coming here and talking complete shit!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Subscribe…
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more