Film Noir Banned As "Too Dark"

Funny story written by Honey West

Saturday, 7 May 2011

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Noir Way Too Dark!

Goodtimes, USA - The semi-annual Feelgood Film Festival has banned the screening of movies in the film noir genre, saying, "this stuff is way dark, dude… a total downer. Dark dark dark…too dark for us, thanks but no thanks."

When told that the word "noir" means "dark" in French, the Festival founder, Markie Markster, age 26, said, "Oh wow! Didn't know that. Maybe that explains all the dark stuff."

Movie studios across the U.S. have joined the ban.

"Having this important cinematic information, that noir actually means dark, is a huge breakthrough. We can successfully avoid darkness from now on", said Ms. Benedict Canyon, age 22, CEO of Generic Films, Inc.

Generic says they are firmly committed to making Film Blanc, so-called "film white", characterized by cheery, shallow actresses Jennifer Aniston, Reese Witherspoon and for special nostalgia occasions, screenings of 1950's girl next door Doris Day.

"These women represent the best of Film Blanc, a world where dark crap rarely, if ever, happens and everyone laughs and has fun, cute sex with a bland predictable ending. "

The goal of the Sunshine Film Festival is that future generations will never again be subjected to downer black and white flicks such as "Sunset Blvd", "Notorious", and "The Big Sleep".

"Kids don't need to see noir or anything resembling actual grit or real life, they need film blanc. "Sunset Blvd." needs to just go away."

Generic is looking forward to working with the brilliant and insightful Ms. Aniston on her next flick, "Eat, Love, Pray, Puppies ".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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