America Idol's Haley Reinhart Denies The Rumor That Her And Fellow Contestant Casey Abrams Have Eloped
LA BREA - The most recent American Idol castoff Haley Reinhart was having dinner by herself at a Burgers-In-The-Round in La Brea. She was approached by TV ClickerWorld's Grandiosa Littlehampton and asked how she was doing after having been elimina...
Read full storyArnold Schwarzenegger Says He's Putting His Return To Starring In Movies On Hold - Well Duh!, No Sh*t Sherlock!
PHOENIX - Arnold Schwarzenegger decided to go to Arizona where he will not be in the limelight due to all of the other stuff that Governor Jan "The Man" Brewer and her sidekick Sheriff Joe "Pinky" Arpaio have going on. Arnie, as hardly anyone refe...
Read full storyLondon UFO 'belting out Mick Ronson guitar riff from Bowie's Starman'
Southern England - Greater London insomniacs are in raptures tonight. A low-flying UFO has apparently attempted 'making human contact' by playing a medley of space-themed rock music classics. The July 1972 No#1 smash hit from The Rise and Fall...
Read full storyXBox Live Not Safe For Children
Las Vegas (AP) A customer service representative has said that XBox Live is not safe for Children and parents need to take care before allowing them online. The security concern comes days before preview of the Mango update for Windows Phone 7, la...
Read full storyOprah Gives Chintzy Prizes to New Cable Audiences
Former popular real network talk titan Oprah Winfrey is off to such a dismal start on her cable network, she has been forced to give away many her own overstocked products to audience members. On her old standard TV program, Oprah showered he audi...
Read full storyIan Holloway Linked With Chelsea Job As Ancelotti Is Sacked
Ian Holloway, the gung-ho Blackpool boss, whose team were relegated on Survival Sunday following a 4-2 defeat at Manchester United, is beingly hotly tipped to leave the club in order to take over at Stamford Bridge. It is thought that Roman Abramo...
Read full storyPope Benedict Implicated in Huhne Type Police Investigation
Pope Benedict XVI has become embroiled in a scandal after it emerged that he may have tried to evade punishment for speeding during his vist to Scotland last September. Sources close to Strathclyde Police have reported that the a senior inspector...
Read full storyScottish Lib Dem Portfolios Unveiled
New Scottish Liberal Democrat leader Willie Rennie has revealed the new portfolios for his Holyrood team. Breaking with tradition, Rennie has ditched the Titanium yellow briefcases of the past and has made the bold move to go with the more gaudy C...
Read full storyVon Trier Vows To Continue Making Movies
Despite being banned from the recent Cannes Festival, Danish film director Lars Von Trier has promised to continue making films. Von Trier was prohibited from attending the festival after commenting that he "sympathised with Hitler". The direct...
Read full storyScottish Papers Publish Super Injunction Identity
Scottish newspapers have printed the name of a prominent footballer allegedly involved in an extra marital affair after avoiding the super injunction taken out to protect the person's identity. The footballer's legal team failed to register the in...
Read full storye.e.cummings grandson banned from internet
g.g.cummings, grandson of e.e.cummings, has again been suspended from an internet writer's forum. His 'work' was continually rejected because of it's odd typography, erratic punctuation and fonetic spelling. 'Beat' poet g.g, whose grandfather p...
Read full storyWills and Kate Plan To Give Their Coco der Mer Coconut Love Nut Honeymoon Gift Shaped Like Pippa's Butt To Queen Elizabeth
LONDON - The new Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, better known as Prince William and Princess Kate, aka Wills and Kate, have ended their 10-day honeymoon in the Republic of the Seychelles. The Royal couple spent their honeymoon on the North Island a...
Read full storyWildcat Strikes Fear into Police & Army
Police were called out to a Golf Course near Reading when a passing golfer spotted a wildcat up a tree. Fearing the animal was about to pounce on children playing below with golf balls found lying about nearby, the Police called in the army so the an...
Read full storyU.K. Study Claims Crossing of Arms Reduces Pain
Scientists from University College London released a report yesterday that supported the claim that a simple crossing of arms in front of the midsection dramatically reduces the feeling of pain. Supposedly blocking some signals to the brain, the c...
Read full storyRonald Biggs takes out a Clapham Junction
Cockney football fans are using their artful bunny to give plod the one fingered salute. The dodgy market boys are not having it after being told to "shut it and do one" by top beak Lord Judge. As soon as Ronnie Biggs took out a Clapham Junct...
Read full storyLouise Minchin approached by the EPL WAGS for fashion advice; Victoria Beckham first in line
Louise Minchin (or Louise Mingeking as she is known by many) has been approached by many of the wives of the rich and famous, for fashion advice. Many say they have often been approached - prior to interviews - regarding their mode of dress, espec...
Read full storyZach Galifianakis Voted World's Sexiest Man
Topping the list by three separate women's polling groups, Zack Galifanakis, one of the stars of the hot new movie "Hangover II", was surprisingly voted as the world's sexiest man. Beating out other recurring list toppers like Brad Pitt, Johnny De...
Read full storyArmaggedon is an everyday occurrence affecting many poor sods. Elvis, Michael Jackson, Jesus, Liberace, to name a few.
Armageddon is a true concept the only problem being it has been misinterpreted by some foolish self-proclaimed prophets for many years. Too many! These ego-driven maniacs who, incidentally, appear to belong to the group "I used to be indecisive but now I'm not so sure", just do not seem to be able to agree on a date. It is unfortunate that these 'prophets' appear to have missed the whole po...
Read full storyJudgment Day Claims One of God's Messengers, Macho Man Randy Savage
While many non believers poked fun at Reverend Camping and his followers for predicting May 21, 2011 to be Judgment Day, others are confident that he was not completely wrong. One devoted group of fans calling themselves "BOMMRS", or Believers of M...
Read full storyRapture did happen - gateway to Hell opens in Iceland
Yesterday, on Saturday 21st of May, the long-awaited "rapture" appears to have actually happened, despite being widely ridiculed. The Rapturometer is a very precise scientific instrument kept in the Pentagon in the US, and its bell began to toll in t...
Read full storyGlobal Armageddon a Bust, God Only Pissed Off at Iceland
Despite desperate and heartfelt pleas for repentance from Reverend Camping and loyal (and now financially destitute) members of the E-Bible Fellowship Church, the predicted May 21 date of Armageddon has come and gone and the Earth was not, apparently...
Read full story"Press gag" Footballer Ruins Champions League Final
Following the furore over a widely known un-named, married premiership footballer, who paid £50,000 to a lawyer in order that his name could not be revealed to 3% of the worlds population, following an alleged dalliance with a highly respectable, shy...
Read full storyWest Ham NOT Relegated
On the final day of the season when all looked lost for West Ham they completed an amazing survival. Wigan, Blackpool and Birmingham were all docked 10 points as crowds rushed onto the pitches in their games to celebrate supposed survival in the L...
Read full storyLife-sized toy Tiger Woods 'menaces' Hampshire
Hedge End, Hants - Early reports indicated the beast had been seen 'lying near some Bushes' beside a smashed-up SUV. Luckily police choppers tracked it down amid a breakout of local mass hysteria about a 'club-wielding Elin Nordegren lookalike' pr...
Read full storyXXXX exposed in latest XXXXXing Episode Involving XXXXX caught XXXX on Pitch behind Shed by XXXXXX!
A total news black out has been imposed on football after an unprecedented upsurge of scandals involving XXXXXXX out of wedlock, and charges of XXXXX whilst otherwise engaged in marriage, according to XXXXX, a now discredited reporter. "It's worse...
Read full storyPrincess Beatrice Loo Seat Hat Has Been Stolen
A Buckingham Palace source has tonight confirmed that Princess Beatrice's £80,000 Loo Seat Hat has been stolen from the Tower of London. The hat had been residing there since its ebay bidding price hit £80,000. This is because it had become a n...
Read full storyLionel Messi abducted and knee-capped by x-treme breakaway "real" United supporters
It seems a group of radical, breakaway, x-treme and very real Man United supporters has abducted Barcelona superstar Lionle Messi a week before the Champions league final at Wembley. Messi had booked an Argentinian restaurant for his mum (he's a b...
Read full storyAre Tories still Party of Law 'n Order?
There is the old adage about a policeman's whistle. The sound of it either brings you comfort or fear. If you are comfortable in the first place it is reassuring to know that you are being protected from the revolutionary hordes - but if you are of a category that immediately causes the police to be suspicious you fear the sound of a police whistle. Now the Tories know which side of the fen...
Read full storyMicrosoft Steve Ballmer to Play Fagin in Oliver Twist
Las Vegas - A SECURITY ALERT has been issued after it has been revealed that Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer is rumored to have been taking Acting lessons in preparation to play Fagin in a spoof Oliver Twist presentation at E3 2011. In an ironic twist...
Read full storyBefore NAFTA not AFTA
Back in the mid 90's at a time when the internet was still in its infancy and when the people of the United States and Canada were concerned about the coming of the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA), I worked at a company that was pretty damn big. It had offices all over the world. I won't say the actual name of the company, but let's just say I call it Geee I wish I had an E. At Ge...
Read full story'Pirates of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides' Is A Huge Success Even Though All of Penelope Cruz and Johnny Depp's Nude Scenes Were Cut Out
HOLLYWOOD - The producers of Johnny Depp's fourth movie in the Pirates of The Caribbean series are thrilled at the movie's success. The film titled Pirates of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides opened to packed theaters from Pittsburgh to Paris and...
Read full storyThe Pebble with a Red Streak - Part V
Once, when he was only seven years old, he saw a scene that lingered in his mind for years. It happened in a busy market place, of course, without cars of today. People, boys, girls, females and men were shopping. Tethered to the ground were a jenny and a jack ass. The boy like the horde of other shoppers saw the jackass keep sniffing at the jenny's dung and then turning his head and nostrils to...
Read full storyThe Latest Surgical Fad Is The Pippa Perfect Posterior Booty Bum Lift Procedure
MADRID - The world's most famous 'Maid of Honor' Pippa Middleton was visiting the Spanish capital city of Madrid. Middleton had traveled to Madrid with an unidentified male friend. The French news agency Le News is reporting the friend is helping...
Read full storyBad News On the Whale Front
Western Isles Tourism 0fficer Donald MacDonald bemoaned the news that a pod of pilot whales ,previously stranded in a loch in South Uist, has started to head for open water. The whales had been close to beaching in Loch Carnan after becoming diso...
Read full storyScottish Cup Final Ref Heads For Pakistan
Referee Calum Murray, who officiated at the Celtic-Motherwell Scottish Cup Final at Hampden on Saturday, is hanging up his whistle and starting a new career in Pakistan. Murray, who missed 2 blatant hand balls in the final, is to become the new he...
Read full storyAFC Wimbledon Fans Start Up Another New Club
AFC Wimbledon, which won promotion to the Football League yesterday after beating Luton 4-3 on penalties in the Conference play odd, has been shocked by the news that most of their supporters have left to form another club. AFC was only formed in...
Read full storyThe Reason Why Leonardo DiCaprio Dumped His Sexy, Sultry, Girlfriend Bar Refaeli
SAN FRANCISCO - Leonard DiCaprio was shopping for sunglasses as he strolled leisurely down San Francisco's world famous Fisherman's Wharf. DiCaprio was asked by Fauna Goobergarden of The Tinsel Town Times Tribune where girlfriend Bar Refaeli was.
Read full storyMan City finally top of a league as Mancini Mankinis a big hit on Spring/Summer Ebay Misspelling list
Eastlands: "Top at Last" read the press announcement from Man City as the misspelling of Mankini (the Borat version of the male bikini) and Roberto Mancini, 'current' Manchester City manager, made it to the top in the Ebay Spring & Summer Misspe...
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