Microsoft Steve Ballmer to Play Fagin in Oliver Twist

Funny story written by Sir Derek Jackson

Sunday, 22 May 2011


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Las Vegas - A SECURITY ALERT has been issued after it has been revealed that Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer is rumored to have been taking Acting lessons in preparation to play Fagin in a spoof Oliver Twist presentation at E3 2011.

In an ironic twist Ballmer who lists his occupation on Facebook as Actor / Director could actually be a real life Fagin.

Hot on the heels of Sony's security glitch Microsoft has been caught red handed helping itself to cash from unsuspecting parents Credit Cards on XBOX Live.

This major security glitch was reported this weekend after parent Mr Ivan Beenrippedoff found his Credit Card had been debited the sum of $190 by Microsoft.

"I left my 6 yr old son playing XBox for an hour on Saturday and woke up on Sunday morning with three emails advising me I had purchased three games".

Microsoft customer service responded saying that parents have a responsibility to ensure the toys children are playing with are safe. Clearly this indicates that XBox live is not considered by Microsoft as a safe environment for Children and predators like Microsoft see these children as fair game.

Head of ANZ Credit Card Security Ian Banks says the security concern may not be a flaw and could actually be a deliberate attempt by Microsoft to swindle users. "Once Microsoft have your credit card details they wont give them up; as long as you have an active Gold Membership they require you to keep the credit card active on that account. This means anyone can then make purchases from that account without any additional security precautions. Simply put a child who cannot even read, playing the Xbox can be unwittingly led into making purchases on their parents credit cards; this happens".

"I tried to remove my Credit Card details from the Xbox Live account Online and was unable to do this, whenever I tried the site congratulated me by telling me I had found a Glitch, I'm now convinced the reality was they didn't want to give up the details" said Beenrippedoff

Mr Ivan Beenrippedoff is reportedly seeking $190 million in damages and asserts his son was socially engineered by Microsoft to keep pressing that green button so they could debit his Credit Card account.

"They used Icons of Lego, Batman, Indiana Jones and the Bee Movie to keep a 6 yr old boy pressing that green button, Steve Ballmer is no better than Fagin".

Mr Beenrippedoff highlights how the Games were never actually downloaded as the XBox Hard Drive didn't have enough room.

Microsoft say they will investigate the incident and Team Manager Mark Maloy says due compensation/refund will be issued to Mr Beenrippedoff's account after the investigation process. He would neither confirm or deny that Steve Balmer was aware of poor security that allowed young children to be exploited. Whilst the Customer Service representative confirmed he had read Oliver Twist he was unable to comment on whether Steve Balmer was a modern day Fagin.

Microsoft customer service representatives in the Phillipines say they cannot innovate and are required always to follow process even when this leads to customer disatisfaction.

The security concerns emerge in days before Microsoft release updates for the XBox dashboard that will incorporate PayPal and the Preview of the new Mango Windows Phone 7 update. Downloadable content has become a major revenue generator for Microsoft with Game Developer Harmonix gaining over 100 million downloads for Rock Band 3 and keen to develop this further with their Dance Central game for Kinect. Recent statements from Lionhead studios the makers of Fable III indicate the second hand games market hurts the games industry more than piracy. This suggest Microsoft needs to ensure consumers feel safe handing over ther credit card details and that online purchases requires safeguards to ensure the card holder is aware of the purchase before it proceeds.

Microsoft could be in a worse position than Sony.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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