
A Charabanc Trip With Major And Mrs Percy Part 6 - The Blue Lagoon Tea Rooms
The charabanc trundles on at a steady 25mph, heading for home, with two stops remaining; the St Oddswell Coach Park for a lavatory break, and The Blue Lagoon Tea Rooms at Little Trevor for light refreshments. "You do realise," the Major says. "That by the time you add up the cost of this trip, coupled with all the add ons, bloody gratuities etcetera, we'd have spent less on a sodding three day...
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Donald Trump, Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart and Vanessa Hudgens Search For Donald Trump's Toupee, While Zac Efron, Sandra Bullock, Ena Sharples and Postman Pat Consider Arnold Schwarzenegger's Cheating On Pam Shriver With Billie Jean King
It being not quite three strikes shy of the high time of it, down there on Blinko's Jetty, off the San Bastinado Freeway and then some, Donald Trump is and was having some serious issues with a corduroy windsock and a tame steeplejack named Jerzy Kandinsky (no relation). But you don't wanna know about all that. What you do wanna know about is hardly a subject fit for the table of a fine Thanksg...
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Eastenders Sets The Agenda Again In Storyline Bombshell
Never one to shy away from the big topics and issues of the day, BBC drama flagship, Eastenders, is once again setting the agenda and is on-course to shock its fans and critics alike. In the past the controversial soap has had plots involving sto...
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Charlie Sheen Arrested For Trying To Cashew Checken In Chinese Restaurant
HOLLYWOOD REPORTER: At approximately 2:00 AM early Tuesday morning, LAPD Hollywood Division received a 911 call from the manager of Little China Restaurant on Cahuenga Boulevard. Mr. Wong told the call router that an inebriated Mr. Charlie Sheen was...
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Tiger Woods Tweets: "I Can't get It Up and Down Anymore!"
The golf world was in shock today as the latest Tweet from Tiger Woods seems to indicate his days as the World's most feared golfer are over! Tweeting from his River to Ocean palatial compound in South Florida, a morose Tiger admitted his skills...
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'God' particle to be discovered by end of 2012?!
As predicted in a previous spoof, the fictional 'God' particle was in fact not found at Easter, and was yet another jibe in the relentless atheist drive against religion. At a recent press conference, the boffins from CERN proudly announced that t...
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Wednesday Ladies Lunch in Grosse Pointe
Cynthia stepped out of her brand new 1995 white Buick Regal in Birkenstocks, wide belted jeans, a white long sleeve cotton blouse and matching scarf to tie her shoulder length, auburn hair back into a pony tail. Rare for an early October afternoon, the sun was beating back the clouds, heating the earth nicely and enhancing the fragrance of dry leaves on sidewalks and streets. She looked skyward...
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God Weighs Response Options To Hawking Claim Of "Fairy Story"
HEAVEN (Friggemall Wire Services) - God, seated in a great golden throne towering high above the realm of Heaven, said he was still giving thought to how to respond to famed British scientist Stephen Hawking's claim that Heaven is "a fairy story."...
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Women's 'real' breasts exploding - scientists have discovered why
During the past three weeks, twenty-seven women in Southern Ontario were rushed to hospital because their breasts exploded without warning. Scientists, mystified by this, interviewed all twenty-seven women and Dr. Ivan R. Don, who 'headed' the enq...
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Local Man Fined, Sentenced & Disgraced over Dead Gazebo!
A local man, whose identity can not be revealed even though the lying, fornicating Bastard was proven GUILTY beyond doubt in a Court of Law, claims he is the victim of a miscarriage of justice involving a confluence of fraudulent events, identify the...
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Nation's Economist Agree - Homeless Mans' Idea of how to Balance the Federal Budget Might Just Work
Solving the federal governments' budget dilemma has elicited innumerable ideas from economist and politicians over the years. These ideas, mostly election year platitudes designed solely to garner votes, lack any genuine chance of becoming reality in a harshly divided Congress. Democrats drone on about increasing taxes on the rich and corporations, while Republicans haughtily decree that endin...
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Chambermaids, Skeletons, Graft and Wide Stances
Haven't we witnessed enough examples of indiscretion, corruption and poor judgment to know that we should stop putting public figures up on a pedestal? Should we really take what they say at face value or should we finally question everything? Haven't we learned yet that those who seem to take the hardest line (for or against) a particular lifestyle, religious viewpoint, or political position ar...
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A Charabanc Trip With Major And Mrs Percy Part 5 - Stumbleson Falls
Having left the Naughty Step at Shurrup behind, the charabanc motors sedately along a verdant B-road as it winds through a heavily wooded area. It is a mere 12 miles between Shurrup and Upper Slappington. For the most part, the road twists beneath a leafy canopy, penetrated only by golden shafts of bright sunlight. It is a very scenic drive, with hundreds of interesting trees to look at. Stumbl...
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Butter-fingered Ajax goalkeeper, Stekelenburg, drops the trophy and United drop him!
One of the major candidates to fill Edwin van de Sar's gloves, his countryman, Maarten Stekelenburg, accidently dropped the Dutch trophy out of the bus after winning the title with his present club Ajax. (It didn't injure anybody) Man United scout...
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Current TV's Al Gore Signs Princesses Beatrice & Eugenie To Paying Gig; Queen Relieved!
Shortly after finding out they were to be 'cut loose' and expected to 'find their own way,' Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie have been signed to star in a new reality show on Al Gore's faltering TV network, CURRENT, hosted by Keith Olbermann. It wi...
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Man & Dog Survive Fall
A man, who cannot be named for security reasons, has survived a fall from the cliff of 200 feet with his dog Snoopy. Police were amazed to find both man and animal alive and scientists are examining the couple to see if anything useful could be le...
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Fears Grow For Masterchef's Gregg Wallace And John Torode
There's a double-whammy of shock news today as it's being reported on the Internet and news agencies everywhere, that co-hosts of popular BBC cookery show Masterchef, John Torode and Greg Wallace, have finally disappeared up their own arses. The n...
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IMF Head Discovers 'Rikers Island' Is Not Plush Co-op Apartment in the Hamptons!
Temporarily 'indisposed' IMF head Strauss-Kahn (DSK) is said to be shocked, dazed and confused after finding out Rikers Island was not the day spa in the Hamptons where he would be waited on hand and foot at the government's expense. Checking his...
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A Charabanc Trip With Major And Mrs Percy Part 4 - The Naughty Step At Shurrup
And so the charabanc, its cream and emerald green livery still in pristine condition, and shining like a baby's bottom at bath time, continues on its way to the picturesque village of Shurrup, and the famous Naughty Step. An increasingly irritable Mrs Percy turns to the Major, and says: "What is this Naughty Step thing, Major? I mean, I've never heard of it." "I'm not certain, the wife, b...
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Arnold Schwarzenegger is innocent of the affair
It's being reported that former California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a child outside his marriage but the public does not know the whole truth about the affair. The female staffer told friends that she initiated the affair with Arnold Sc...
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Europe Scrambles to Name New IMF Head: No More 'Back Door' Appointments Claims Merkel!
The European Cartel, minus France, is scrambling to come up with a successor for besieged IMF chairman Dominique Strauss-Kahn (DKS) in order to stave off an Asian assault to take over the International Monetary Fund (IMF) which is underwater with non...
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Arnold "The Baby Daddy" Schwarzenegger Says That He Feels Just Like John Edwards Except With Muscles
SACRAMENTO - The former governor of the Left Coast state of California Arnold "The Baby Daddy" Schwarzenegger, has admitted fathering a child that did not come from his wife Maria Shriver. "Count Crotch" as Mel Gibson calls him said that he now fe...
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Walter Smith Joins Celtic Sensation
The football world was stunned today by the news that former Rangers manager Walter Smith, who led the Ibrox club to the SPL title only days ago, has become the General Manager with fierce rivals Celtic. The Rangers legend was paraded before the w...
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Tina Fey and Julianne Moore Argue Over Who Does Sarah Palin Better
CHICAGO - The two top Sarah Palin impersonators in America, Tina Fey and Julianne Moore appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show and talked about how great each one's impersonation of "Snowflake" Palin is. Fey said that hers is better simply because she...
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Schwarzenegger Changes Nickname to "The Sperminator"
More tidbits are leaking out from Schwarzenegger/Shriver divorce announcement, as the former California Governor admitted to fathering a child more than 10 years ago with one of his domestic staffers, taking his conservative/wholesome family values p...
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Britain Must Prepare For 'Hottest Heatwave In Centuries' Say Experts
As the twilight looms in the month of May, UK Met Office experts have warned of an impending heatwave, the likes of which have never been seen since last time. Weatherwatch spokesperson, Jenny Pendlebreast, explained that researchers have studied...
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'Queen kidnapped and ate Shergar during Palace meat rationing crisis' protesters claim
Dublin - Whorsewhisperers close to the Ballybollox Stud from which hapless dual Derby winner Shergar was sprung plan to release a video of the Buckingham Palace feast. This shows the Queen enjoying the stallion's 'Tipperary tendergroins' - raw tes...
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IMF's Accounts Don't Balance! Details Emerge of More 'Monkey Business' In 'French Conundrum' Sex Case!
Despite attempts at a Super, Super, Super Injunction to keep a lid on the breaking scandal affecting the International Monetary Fund (IMF), the next Presidential Election in France, and the balance of trade involving 'stinky cheese', more sordid det...
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Bank of England Governor's letter to the Chancellor
Following the announcement that CPI inflation in the UK in the 12 months to April was 4.5% per cent, the Bank has published a letter from the Governor to the Chancellor, as required by policy. The letter is reproduced below: Bank of England London EC2R 8AH The Rt Hon George Osborne Chancellor of the Exchequer HM Treasury 1 Horse Guards Road London SW1A 2HQ Dear Chancellor As you w...
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West Ham looking for a Manager
No one wants to take on the Manager's role at West Ham as fans tried to demonstrate what a fighting spirit means to players attending a 'celebration dinner' in Park Lane. Meanwhile Avram Grant is going to try and complete a hat trick by managing a...
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Further update on the "Shoolboy-in-a-skirt-gate" affair
As the now nationwide arguments rage on in schools as to whether boys should wear long trousers, shorts or skirts, well known former pop singer Gary Glitter has thrown his weight - and there is now a fair bit of that - into the affair. For those u...
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Donald Duck leaves it to Frog
Pond life in America has never seen activity to match the excitement engendered by the early action over the nomination for the Republican Presidential candidate. Donald Duck has played his trump card by withdrawing from the race, thus allowing Fr...
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Metropolitan Police: West Ham Utd players showed more fighting 'spirit' at their party, than during matches!
Park Lane, LONDON: Metropolitan Police report that West Ham Utd players showed more fighting 'spirit' at their end of season party, than they have all of the football season. A spokesman for the Metropolitan Police said: "We were called at 9.15pm...
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Man Utd Celebration Schedule "Exhausting" Says Fergie
Manchester Utd's plans to celebrate their 19th league title and, possibly, a third European Cup are "exhausting" and will seriously effect preparations for next season. Manager Sir Alex Ferguson is reportedly horrified by the club's plans to celeb...
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Vanessa Hudgens Talks Candidly About Zac Efron, Sandra "The Kissing Bandit" Bullock, And Those Kristen Stewart Lesbian Rumors
TARZANA - Twenty-two-year-old Vanessa Hudgens has seen and done a lot in her short celebrity career. She recently sat down with Vodka Vermicelli of The iRumors News Agency at a Tacos, Tacos, and Mucho More Tacos in Tarzana. Right away Miss 2V,...
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Queen Elizabeth II Goes for Hairstyle Change; Wants to Look Like Johnny Depp
Ever since the Queen learned she may be a distant relative of Johnny Depp, the Palace is a changed place. Decorum and tradition have gone out the window. "Ahoy, it's a new day," the Queen has announced to all who will listen. The Royal...
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West Ham Job Not For Steve McClaren Due To 'Language Difficulties'
Former England coach Steve McClaren has been told that he will not be considered for the vacant managerial position at West Ham because his English language speaking skills are no longer good enough. McClaren was the bookmaker's favourite to repla...
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Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Deny That Angie Is With Child
PROVENCE, France - One of the most famous celebrity couples has of late been having their share of marital ups and downs. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie who have half a dozen children have been arguing and carrying on like the Arnold Schwarzenegger'...
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Robert Pattinson Explains The Streetwalker Rumors
NEW YORK CITY - The star of the Twilight Saga movies Robert Pattinson appeared on Piers Morgan Tonight and explained the streetwalker rumors that have been running rampant. Pattinson disclosed to Morgan that it was all really just a misunderstandi...
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The Reason Why NBC Decided To Pass On The Much Anticipated Action Series 'Wonder Woman'
BURBANK - The producers of the new series Wonder Woman had shot the pilot episode and it looked like it was going to appear on NBCs fall schedule. But according to Coquette Eucalyptus of The West Hollywood Flaming Gazette that has all changed. It...
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