Britain Must Prepare For 'Hottest Heatwave In Centuries' Say Experts

Funny story written by Nick Hobbs

Tuesday, 17 May 2011

image for Britain Must Prepare For 'Hottest Heatwave In Centuries' Say Experts
Mars bars will spontaneously combust in your pocket, it'll be that hot!!

As the twilight looms in the month of May, UK Met Office experts have warned of an impending heatwave, the likes of which have never been seen since last time.

Weatherwatch spokesperson, Jenny Pendlebreast, explained that researchers have studied the last 200 years of records, and have decided that this year is the year for a massive heatwave.

Temperatures are set to soar to sub-tropical levels, and coconut trees are expected to spring up on the coast.

People, especially old ladies, are likely to die of heat exhaustion, just by getting up off their sofa to make a cup of tea.

Skin cancer will be instantaneous should you go outside covered by anything less than a duffle coat, hat and scarf.

The sea will boil and evaporate, so swimming regulations may be in effect. People are advised to check with the local council before setting off on your holiday, to avoid disappointment.

Dog's will most likely boil inside cars, even if windows are left open, and eggs will cook inside their shells, inside the chicken.

The countryside will be brown, and there will be no living thing left by October, because all the water will evaporate to the moon.

Mankind as we know it will cease to exist, and cities will burn. Glass will melt and buildings will fall over because even the water used in the cement making process will evaporate out of the concrete and crumble the walls back to dry sand!

We asked the Met Office if this was just sensationalist scaremongering, but they said no, it was all true as far as they could tell.

When quizzed why this year in particular will see a soar in temperatures, Ms Pendlebreast was clear "it's got to happen one year, for Christ's sake! We've been warning about a heatwave every year for the last 15, we've got to be right one day! We just thought we'd up the ante a bit this year."

Is it getting hot in here...?

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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